To have a 'cut-off' for breakfast

[DominiqueBernard]

Last night, the DC (12 and 11) went to bed at 9pm to read then lights out at 9.30pm as usual at weekends. We had said we would go to Mass this morning at 9.30am.

At 9am DS11, DH and I were all awake and had eaten breakfast and got dressed. DD12 was still asleep so we decided not to wake her and we went to Mass at 9.20am, leaving her a note. We got back at about 10.45am and she was still asleep. She woke up at 11.45am. She came into the kitchen where DH, DS and I were preparing lunch. We had cleared away her breakfast place to make room (our kitchen diner is small). She helped herself to a glass of juice and then DH said, lunch is at 12.30pm, implying that she could wait until then to eat. I agreed with DH and still do.

However, I wonder if others might say we were being mean?

If it's relevant, we come from a culture where it's very unusual to eat between meals.

She wasn’t going to eat between meals though, she hadn’t eaten yet. Surely you can just say to her would you like to fix yourself some breakfast or wait until we all have lunch together?

I wouldn’t have made her wait. Surely she could have had a small breakfast.

She’s nearly a teenager so you need to get used to this sort of thing. No point in being too rigid about meal times.

Did she actually say she wanted anything?

Did she say she wanted to eat? All I can see is that she got a glass of juice which I assume she can do whenever she wants. But yeah, I'd tell her to hold off if lunch was only 45 mins away.

Batshit.

I’d have said ‘lunch will be ready at 12.30pm if you can wait. If you’re hungry now, help yourself to some toast/ceral’. No big deal.

Seems a bit ludicrous to me. She should be able to eat when she likes, it's her home, not prison.

Just give her a banana and be done with it.

I don't think it was unreasonable for her to wait for lunch. I don't see any problem with her drinking orange juice in the meantime though.

Mind boggling to create a post on MN to check if you’re being mean to your 12 yr old when you absolutely know you are.

Was she unhappy with that?

Asking someone to wait 45 minutes and then share the next meal with the family hardly seems like a problem to me, unless the person in question has another need/preference. I'm assuming she wouldn't have wanted two meals within 45 minutes of each other, so waiting for the freshly served food was probably the nicest option for her.

I wouldn't have stopped her if she wanted to eat. It wouldn't be 'between meals' for her.

Did she ask for something? If not I don’t see the issue.

If she did, I wouldn’t have made her wait.

In my culture eating lunch that early is quite unusual. I'd be a bit more lax about it tbh. I'd say she can eat a snack now then eat her lunch later in her room. But that's clearly not your thing.
It's not exactly cruel to make her wait less than an hour for lunch if that's your family tradition.
I'd say enforcing meal times really rigidly isn't my idea of a happy household, but everyone's different.

I think pps are nuts to be honest. Of course she missed breakfast. Her choice.

She wandered down just before 12 by the sound of it, and so it's perfectly reasonable to say, 'Lunch is at 12.30'.

People were cooking. She's in the way trying to make herself breakfast, even a piece of toast, in a small kitchen. She had a drink - she's not going to starve if she has to wait another 30 mins for her lunch now.

Sounds ridiculous yes…let her eat as and when she wants

Banana round have been my offering

then eat her lunch later in her room

That is minging.

If I ate breakfast half an hour before lunch was ready I wouldn’t be hungry for lunch, so yes probably sensible for her to wait. Maybe a cup of tea in the meantime.

I'd have told her she could have a banana or a yogurt or something to tide her over for 45 minutes until her meal. Something that could be eaten outside of the small busy kitchen.

Why would you exclude her from family mealtimes?

She only has to wait 45 min and was having some juice. I'd have made her wait too.

I wouldn't expect her to wait. I find the control issue very concerning and appreciate that you have noted a cultural aspect. It wouldn't happen in my home, they would get themselves a breakfast and clear away themselves.

Too late for breakfast with lunch in half an hour, but I would have let her get a piece of fruit or a yoghurt to tide her over.