To have a 'cut-off' for breakfast

[DominiqueBernard]

Last night, the DC (12 and 11) went to bed at 9pm to read then lights out at 9.30pm as usual at weekends. We had said we would go to Mass this morning at 9.30am.

At 9am DS11, DH and I were all awake and had eaten breakfast and got dressed. DD12 was still asleep so we decided not to wake her and we went to Mass at 9.20am, leaving her a note. We got back at about 10.45am and she was still asleep. She woke up at 11.45am. She came into the kitchen where DH, DS and I were preparing lunch. We had cleared away her breakfast place to make room (our kitchen diner is small). She helped herself to a glass of juice and then DH said, lunch is at 12.30pm, implying that she could wait until then to eat. I agreed with DH and still do.

However, I wonder if others might say we were being mean?

If it's relevant, we come from a culture where it's very unusual to eat between meals.

That's very unkind. Surely she could have had something small/light.

If you want to take communion

@mydogisthebest yes but she woke up late. If I woke up late I would want breakfast, not lunch.

One hour before communion, which if they ate breakfast at 9 and mass was at 9.30 would be fine unless it was very quick mass as it's towards the end.

There's a massive amount of hyperbole in some of these replies. She was going to wait 45mins, hardly starving her for hours. It's often 45min-1hr after we get on a weekend anyway before I do breakfast. Yep a piece of fruit or a biscuit might be a compromise but calling the op batshit or psychotic is very ott.

Some very odd comments on here, surely most families sit and eat together for lunch and evening meal at weekends? If everyone is just grabbing food when they want something and eating it wherever it makes for such a disjointed household. No wonder family life is falling apart.

France is one country where they have fairly big meals but don't snack betweeb meals unless they are a toddler.

I couldn't live in a house where a 12 year old didn't get up until lunchtime

Well the OP is in for a treat when they get older! My ones still at uni are lucky to be up by 2pm in uni holidays. They’ll get up early if and as needed if they have work but if not, nope. Why would I care? No need to be quiet as they sleep like the dead. They get themselves up and off in time for classes during term time. I have found with the ones out of uni, they have no problems getting themselves up early for work in the week so the ‘need to prepare for when working’ argument seems to be a load of bunk.

I don’t see the issue OP, why couldn’t you have just asked if they wanted a banana, other piece of fruit or pot of yoghurt to eat something if they wanted and so they wouldn’t be in the way in the kitchen where two of you were making lunch. Surely that approach would have been quicker than what you had to type out here otherwise?

Also, was it just mine or did others that had 12yo’s that would have been perplexed by a 9/9.30 bedtime? Mine would have just lain there awake staring at the ceiling, but maybe they were odd?

I think it's pretty much every culture except the UK, North America and probably Australia

Your son is going to bed late, this girl went to bed at 9.30pm!!!!!

Well 9pm.

9.30 is lights out! Hope she wasn't on a good part of her book.

This^
DH, DD and I do sometimes oversleep and end up in a similar situation because of being unwell e.g periods for Dd or headache for me. The point is to feel free to do what you’d like: to skip breakfast or lunch or to squeeze all meals in a shorter timeframe.
I wonder if you are too focused on rules in your house. It’s good to have them but not to overdo them otherwise it sends kids the message that it’s your home but not theirs and they will vote with their feet as soon as they can.

It’s not rubbish. People are different. Just because you didn’t need to sleep as much, doesn’t mean that others had the same experience as you. The only ridiculous thing happening here is your weird overreaction to a child’s sleeping habits.

might as well point your daughter in the direction of the stately homes thread now OP

She didn't say they didn't believe in it. She said it was unusual.

We don't eat between meals on a regular basis. It's not a belief, it's just not something that happens.

At 11.45 I would have said the same, dinner is at 12.30. - only 45 minutes away

Mmm, I don't know.
I'm of South Asian/South-East Asian origin and we have loads of snacks, and desserts (closest English translation) that can be eaten between meals.
I don't think snacking is the problem though it's the amount of food not the distribution. Small, frequent meals are actially better

I'm really surprised at some of the posts calling op controlling and unreasonable. Totally normal imo.

I have two teenagers. Since they were about 10 they've had more or less complete control over their breakfast. They choose what they have, usually make it themselves, or sometimes choose to skip breakfast altogether. On non school days it's now more or less the same with lunch...they usually make themselves a sandwich/soup/salad OR if they had breakfast late they might skip lunch altogether or just have fruit. It's fine.

BUT. On the days when 'lunch' is a cooked meal (which it usually is on Sundays), if they choose to sleep late then wander into the kitchen an hour before lunch is due to be ready then they wait.

I've batted away a teenager many times with a 'breakfast was hours ago buddy, you'll need to wait for lunch in X minutes'.

Similar occurs when after school they wander into the kitchen at 5pm looking for food when there's a spag bol being dished in half an hour. No chance! Even when I get the sob story of 'Oh mum I'm STARVING, I didn't buy any lunch today because...'. Well let that be a lesson to you not to voluntarily skip meals then, you're fourteen not four.

Basically...no, no teenagers are making themselves a meal or substantial snack in the hour before a meal is dished.

**EDITED to add. This has literally just happened right now, 20 seconds after I pushed post 😂😂 There's a huge pot of chicken and pesto pasta on the hob (turned off) which I finished cooking ten minutes ago. I've just heard the fridge door opening so called out 'who's that?!' from where i'm sitting in the lounge and ds1 answered. My reply was 'whatever you're after in the fridge, put it back, I'm making a salad and dishing that pasta in twenty minutes!'. He's sloped off looking grumpy. He's 16, he's not going to waste away!

Do you live in a hotel? I find the notion of set mealtimes at weekends once kids are a bit older quite restrictive. Breakfast is just the first meal of the day whether it's 8am or 1pm. Why do you think 'brunch' was invented?

My in laws are south Asian and while there are lots of snacks they would offer guests who popped in, they don't eat between meals at all when it's just their household

DominiqueBernard · 30/01/2024 19:46
I thought my DM was retirer, but it seems she is in fact working with the OP.

43 years of this is exhausting. Going to a restaurant and asking for green salad instead of mash in with sausage and mash then saying 400 times, Why on EARTH would ANYONE POSSIBLY want to eat MASH AND sausage?! I can't BELIEVE it's not always served with salad! (While some poor soul like my DSIL, who luckily gives zero fucks, just orders sausage and mash like a normal person.)

I wonder @DominiqueBernard what your daughter will say about you

Sounds very regimented even the weekend bedtime routine.

You need to unclench.

I couldn't live in a house where a 12 year old didn't get up until lunchtime

Why does it matter if you don't have plans?

Not unreasonable, in that situation if mine were hungry I’d have given some fruit or yoghurt to tide them over

Sounds like a passive aggressive punishment for not getting up earlier.

It's all a bit harsh really

I would discourage eating an hour before any meal, even if the eating would be a previously missed meal rather than a snack or candy.

It’s not a rock solid rule, if DC had been feeling weak with hunger then there can be flexibility but she’s not going to have much appetite for lunch with the family if she’s had breakfast 45 minutes beforehand.

Piece of fruit won't tide her over - it'll just awaken her appetite. She'd be better off just waiting.

And no, it won't hurt her to wait. The ability to wait for food rather than eat when the first glimmers of hunger arise is a useful ability as an adult trying to stay a healthy weight.

Breakfast is literally breaking the fast, it can be eaten at any time. She's in her home and not in a prison with set meal times.