To have a 'cut-off' for breakfast

[DominiqueBernard]

Last night, the DC (12 and 11) went to bed at 9pm to read then lights out at 9.30pm as usual at weekends. We had said we would go to Mass this morning at 9.30am.

At 9am DS11, DH and I were all awake and had eaten breakfast and got dressed. DD12 was still asleep so we decided not to wake her and we went to Mass at 9.20am, leaving her a note. We got back at about 10.45am and she was still asleep. She woke up at 11.45am. She came into the kitchen where DH, DS and I were preparing lunch. We had cleared away her breakfast place to make room (our kitchen diner is small). She helped herself to a glass of juice and then DH said, lunch is at 12.30pm, implying that she could wait until then to eat. I agreed with DH and still do.

However, I wonder if others might say we were being mean?

If it's relevant, we come from a culture where it's very unusual to eat between meals.

Madness. Give the girl a banana and juice.

I'd've told her to wait - there's a fruitbowl she could have grabbed an apple or banana from.

However, what works better in my family of teenagers is dinner at 6.30-7, & flexibility throughout the day.

It keeps weekends more in line with school days when they might eat a hearty breakfast & take an apple, or eat nothing in the morning & spend their allowance at break in the canteen (their choice). Then we eat dinner as a family.

By having a 'proper' evening meal, they can forage for whatever they like in the day - early breakfast & a light lunch, or a lie in & a fry up for brunch.

Might be an easier model.

I'd have woken her up for mass. I'm an atheist but if you as a family go, you get up in time. It's a bit weird to leave a 12yo sleeping alone in a house, to potentially wake and everyone is out

All those people saying 'she can get her own breakfast and clear up' or 'just let her help herself to toast' or complaining you are formal, strict or rigid appear to have missed the fact that the OP clearly said,

She came into the kitchen where DH, DS and I were preparing lunch. We had cleared away her breakfast place to make room (our kitchen diner is small).

They are trying to get lunch for the family in a very small kitchen, and needed the room to make it. I can't think of anything less welcome at this point than a 12 yo underfoot trying to make themselves breakfast or sitting there to eat breakfast when we are all trying to get lunch ready.

She can wait. It's not about being 'controlling' - it's about being bloody practical.

I don't see why she couldn't just had some breakfast if she wanted some. I don't like rigidity over meal times to this extent, especially once kids hit that sort of age and it's weekends/school holidays.

One of my kids got up at 3pm yesterday, ate porridge, fruit and nuts, had dinner at 6pm with us and then made a sandwich at about midnight.

So, nothing actually happened? She didn't ask for breakfast or complain when dh mentioned lunch? What's the problem here? Actually, I wouldn't have a problem with her grabbing something to easy eat as long as you were not in each others way, just grab a banana or something,.or not whatever 🤷‍♀️

I'm interested to know which culture is quite strict about eating between meals but perfectly chilled about a young teen sleeping until late morning and missing church? Or is it just what's usual in your family?

How long since she last ate? Presumably over 12 hours, if not longer, assuming you're as strict about bedtimes.

They are trying to get lunch for the family in a very small kitchen, and needed the room to make it. I can't think of anything less welcome at this point than a 12 yo underfoot trying to make themselves breakfast or sitting there to eat breakfast when we are all trying to get lunch ready.

It's hardly a big deal for a 12 year old to make a bowl of cereal or similar, it would take 20 seconds and a few minutes to eat it.

I couldn't live in a home that was so uptight and make such a big deal out of nothing,

It’s not unreasonable to make her wait 45 mins. She could have had her juice then gone and got washed and changed then it would be time to eat.

You wouldn't have much choice in living in an " upright" home if you were bloody 12 though lol.
I'm more surprised everyone else ate before Mass.

This. That’s got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard and I hope this isn’t a genuine post 😂
does she have scheduled times to use the bathroom too or can she go to the toilet freely?

If she wanted breakfast she should have got up in time to have it not at almost 12pm.

Why does she need so much sleep? Ridiculous

Is your kitchen like McDonalds, when it reaches a certain time the breakfast menu boards automatically rotate and change to the day menu? Then you chuck out all breakfast foods you have leaving someone like your daughter puffing as they ran to catch breakfast but missed it by seconds “damn it” (watching the staff throw all the breakfast muffins, you only wanted one)

I never grew up with this ridgid approach to food, so the question posed seems batshit to me, but each to their own! (Mumbles, I only wanted a bloody muffin!)

I couldn't live in a house where a 12 year old didn't get up until lunchtime

Does it really matter OP?

I can't imagine this being an issue and taking up my head space 😂😂

They don't live in a bed sit though. People live in all sorts of places, narrowboats, prisons, caravans, castles. But the OP doesn't.

Why would you send a twelve year old to eat in her bedroom just because she got up late?

We have an obesity problem in the UK. And yes - I'm overweight.

It would seem why when people are spouting things like it's cruel to make someone wait 45 minutes for a family meal.

She doesn't need 2 meals in an hour period.

A banana would have been fine or an apple or something but the juice would have increased her blood sugar enough and it also contains carbs.

Depends on the atmosphere really. Did he just say “Lunch is at 12:30pm” like a robot man?

Christ, she's hardly going to waste away because she has to wait 45 minutes for lunch 🙄

12:30 lunch after having breakfast at 9 seems rather early to me.

is there a reason why she slept from 9:30 till 11:45am the next day? For me a healthy 12 year old would be up way before then.

I think it's mean if she did want to eat.

Saying "oh lunch is in 45 minutes, it won't kill her to wait" is fair if she'd had breakfast early or something. But if she hadn't eaten since 6-8pm the previous evening then it's mean to make her wait the extra time.

The cultural aspect about eating between meals isn't relevant here, because she wasn't trying to eat between meals.

It does make you wonder what goes through some people's mind, to worry about something so normal.

It's unkind and controlling

Just a couple of observations. You home sounds very rules driven- bed at 9pm, lights off at 9.30 etc- does that make you all happy? You DH drove this really-why?

I think it’s fine to not want to make breakfast, as long as she was welcome to get her own breakfast at that time