To have a 'cut-off' for breakfast

[DominiqueBernard]

Last night, the DC (12 and 11) went to bed at 9pm to read then lights out at 9.30pm as usual at weekends. We had said we would go to Mass this morning at 9.30am.

At 9am DS11, DH and I were all awake and had eaten breakfast and got dressed. DD12 was still asleep so we decided not to wake her and we went to Mass at 9.20am, leaving her a note. We got back at about 10.45am and she was still asleep. She woke up at 11.45am. She came into the kitchen where DH, DS and I were preparing lunch. We had cleared away her breakfast place to make room (our kitchen diner is small). She helped herself to a glass of juice and then DH said, lunch is at 12.30pm, implying that she could wait until then to eat. I agreed with DH and still do.

However, I wonder if others might say we were being mean?

If it's relevant, we come from a culture where it's very unusual to eat between meals.

Why would anyone want to eat their lunch later in their room?

Do you eat a sit down meal together for all three meals on a Sunday or would lunch be fending for yourself? We don't have set meal times for breakfast and lunch in our house at the weekend, you eat when you are hungry. If I was making something specific for lunch that I know DD would like them I'd suggest she wait or have something light but I wouldn't be micromanaging her.

She is old enough to decide for herself if she wants to eat or wait once you have told her when lunch will be. Yabu.

My teen DD often sleeps late during the holidays or on a Sunday. She gets herself a late breakfast/ brunch and then snacks between then and dinner. Does her, nor the rest of the household any harm at all. Why make her wait?

You haven't said if she asked to eat breakfast. I think you were mean because she is going through puberty and her sleep needs will change. To rigidly keep to meal times mean you will have to ensure she is eating enough across other meals to compensate for the lost breakfast calories. It does come across as an implicit punishment for not getting up earlier.

I think relaxing things a bit during the holidays makes sense, as they get older things will change.

If she’s woken at 11.45 she can manage to wait till 12.30 for food

If she eats breakfast at 11.45 she most likely won’t want much of lunch and then will be hungry earlier than everyone else

If she enjoys the benefit of someone else preparing her meals then I think it’s reasonable to ask her not to eat right before those meals

a slice of toast wouldn't have interrupted much in fairness

I’m with you my kids are 9-13. Mealtimes are mealtimes otherwise it’s a pita. They can have fruit though. Glass of juice and a banana would be fine.

Good luck with the next few years.

Why couldn't she just have breakfast if she wanted it?

Try being a bit more flexible. It's a family, not an institution.

She can make her own breakfast and clean up afterwards.

your kids are getting old enough that you are going to need to relax a bit. We just do one family meal a day most days. Our child has her own life and her own schedule and it doesn’t always line up perfectly with mine or Dh’s.

If you wake up at lunchtime have a cup of tea by all means, but then eat with everyone the lunch prepared. Proviso; we might be coming from a similar culture @DominiqueBernard

I'd be more bothered about the sleeping for more than 12hrs!

So, did she actually want anything?

Did she even fancy what you were making for lunch as her first meal of the day?

I don't think I could manage a roast just after getting up!

Oh c'mon, UABU. Few people on MN are going to ruin a good story with the facts.

All the people saying she should eat what she likes whenever and wherever she likes, is that what your family do?

Don't you ever cook a meal and eat together? Do you all wander around grazing like cattle?

If someone is preparing a meal for me, I make sure I am hungry enough to enjoy it. That's how I was brought up and how I brought up my family. I don't think that is remotely "batshit".

I see nothing wrong with OP asking her daughter to wait for lunch. If she is still hungry after that she can have some pudding or a snack.

I agree with you OP. Food is not for hoovering up on the fly. Home meals are eaten together at mealtimes, not grazed ad hoc while other people are trying to prepare the main meal for everyone else. A healthy 12 year old will not drop dead for waiting 45 minutes for dinner - especially since they've had a glass of juice.

It sounds like you're punishing her for missing mass. I would have at least chucked her a banana.

What!?? She can't have a glass of juice!? Very very unreasonable.

I'd have done exactly the same as this. As they get older and more independent there's no point creating unnecessary drama over anything that doesn't really matter. She could always have a smaller portion at lunch time.

Mumsnet is mental. Of course she can wait 45mins to eat.

I'm surprised the loons on here haven't told you off for leaving a 12 year old home alone yet.

Shes old enough to leave home alone while everyone else goes out, but not old enough to decide if she has brekkie?
If she eats breakfast and then is no longer hungry for lunch, well so be it.
Are you always this strict about mealtimes?

I don't understand why a 12 year old can't just make her own food. It all sounds very formal and rigid.

@SailingRoundtheWorld eating a meal in the same room you sleep is minging? How do you think people who live in a bedsit or hostel must feel then?
If someone can't be trusted to eat tidily in their room aged 11 then I'd say they might have other issues going on.

It depends what you are making for lunch, if it’s some kind of special meal then fine to make her wait and eat together. I would give her a snack and a drink though. If you made all this fuss so you could all eat a sandwich together then I think it’s unnecessarily rigid.