Selfie in hospital with dying relative

[TheAverageJoanne]

My uncle died in hospital this morning after a stroke on Friday. My cousin (his nephew) posted a selfie on Facebook of himself by my uncle's bedside with a caption saying he was spending precious moments with him. I don't know if he was dead or alive or when the picture was actually taken but I'm furious. My uncle was visible laid out in the bed. I feel very upset about it and I think it's really distasteful. Do you, or is it me being oversensitive?

It’s a very self-absorbed thing to do. It’s not about the dying person really, is it? They do it for the likes and for the attention, and the ‘bless you hun’s’ and the sympathy.
Its disrespectful and disgusting. If someone did it to me I would make sure I came back and haunted them!
We had cameras 20/30 years ago, there is no one back then who would have shown someone a photo of a dying relative, and not many who would have even taken one.

There are just certain types of people who do with and they'll never see your point so might as well let it go.

I took a couple of photos of DM and my hands clasped together a couple of days before she died, but they're for my eyes only - not for cheap "likes" from the internet. She had warm capable hands that I miss holding.

Those who post "death" photos on the internet are vile, gruesome and disrespectful.

I'm glad you took those and I think it is lovely and important to have photos for private comfort

The grief thief's who do this are usually the people who never bother with the person much when they're alive.

My husbands niece took photos at her fils funeral and had photos taken of her laying flowers, she's very much a 'look at me' person and every conversation is her telling us about all the wonderful things she does for less fortunate people.

❤️ warm capable hands, so lovely.

I bet you miss holding them.

You had dignity for her.

No it's not the way of the world.
Selfish fools need telling this is not how normal humans behave... self-centred prick.

How the fuck is a picture of someone on their death bed a "nice memory"? Nice memories are of family holidays, Christmases and birthday treats etc.

How do you caption these morbid photos? "Here's one of Dad about to kick the bucket". There really are some sick bastards around.

If you truly love the person you keep these private moments private, not splash them all over social media so that some sicko can get their rocks off.

If this is the way the world is headed I am thankful I am nearer the end of my life than the beginning. I know I am of an older generation but the obsession with photographing and sharing every single element of one's life is truly pathetic. When twitter first started people felt compelled to report on every moment of every day and broadcast it to the rest of the World. Who the Hell cares?

I suppose the internet has been around for long enough now that 40 somethings grew up with all the nonsense and still think its the thing to do, you'd just hope that they would have better judgement and know better.

Should have said couldn’t consent to, of course.

God lord, how crass.

Every time a thread like this appears some idiot goes and judges a grieving parent for sharing a photo of their child.

It's absolutely not the same, that's the only photo they have of their baby.

With older people there are plenty of photos from their life, that's not the case with a stillborn child. Do you expect the parents to hide their baby photos away for your comfort?

I agree with @ObliviousCoalmine. And my second son was stillborn. It’s performative grief.

How is the fact it might be the only photo they have, relevant?

The point is vulnerable dying/dead people should not have their photographs published by others on SM, no matter who they are.

They can NOT consent to it and only serves to bring attention to the person posting it.

The same attention that words would bring without the invasive part.

@BIossomtoes you have dignity, for your child. 💙

Tasteless tacky Bastard, at 43 he is old enough to know better. No respect for the dignity of your Uncle. Uncle is not a stage show.
I would be telling him what I thought about his actions.

Thank you. That’s a lovely thing to say.

Of course it's relevant.

They are still parents and many bereaved parents still want to show their baby to the world, and have them acknowledged.

What's wrong with someone, who has just been through the worst thing a person possibly can, wanting sympathy anyway?

I don't have SM, but if I did then I may well choose to show my children off on there, one of who only lived in hospital for a short while, in fact, I posted her photos on MN once, precisely to show her off, to get support, to have her acknowledged, and have people tell me how gorgeous she was.

But they're empty words from strangers.

What else did you think they were going to say?

I get that even empty words can mean something at times if a person is low, but I do NOT and will never agree that anyone has the right to take photos of dead or dying people and publish them on the internet no matter what their reasoning.

But they're empty words from strangers.

Exactly. People I knew crossed the street to avoid me when my son died. No amount of insincere platitudes from strangers would have ameliorated the grief. And my loss wasn’t for other people’s entertainment.

To you they are empty words from strangers.

To me they meant the world.

I showed off my baby when I never got the chance to in life, I was asked questions, and had people tell me her eyes were gorgeous, and ask who she got her hair from, and tell me that she looked like trouble, and it was beautiful.

You don't have to agree with me, but in the specific scenario of stillborn, or NICU babies who spend their whole lives there, the bereaved parents thoughts and feelings and needs are important.

That's how you coped, other people cope in different ways.

That doesn't make you right, any more than it makes me right.

We cope however we can.

Yes, we do @FatmanandKnobbin. I was insensitive. I’m sorry. 💐

I'm sorry that you're in this shitty place as well, I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, and I'm sorry you've had people avoid you too 💐

Absolutely sickens me this. Why the need to take a photo of their last dying moments, no dignity or respect.

I've had people in my family post pictures of the dying relative's hand and even that made me cringe. One even took pictures of the procession of the funeral and posted it all over her social media. Is nothing sacred anymore?

I respect my family too much to make a spectacle of them dying. If I do post in their memory, it's a happy photo, one of which had their consent.

Edit: I am not talking about babies. Tbh, that makes me uncomfortable but if that's the only photo of them, well that's up to you. But I still think generally, these things should be private.

Thank you.