Selfie in hospital with dying relative

[TheAverageJoanne]

My uncle died in hospital this morning after a stroke on Friday. My cousin (his nephew) posted a selfie on Facebook of himself by my uncle's bedside with a caption saying he was spending precious moments with him. I don't know if he was dead or alive or when the picture was actually taken but I'm furious. My uncle was visible laid out in the bed. I feel very upset about it and I think it's really distasteful. Do you, or is it me being oversensitive?

Hard agree 👍

I didn't take pictures of a relative in hospital as I didn't want to cause any potential upset to his immediate next of kin and didn't know how they would feel. We had spent several days in hospital with him and I wish I did have some pics to look back on from that time. I remember him looking peaceful.

Bloke is dead, I could not care less who posts my pics once I die.

Unless you're the bloke in question, this is completely irrelevant.

My father died in June of last year, it was a prolonged illness that was exhausting for all the family. When he died it was a real
conflicting of emotions between despair and relief. I didn’t really feel up for big celebrations for my wedding anniversary in August but my husband took me to stay a quiet weekend in a beautiful stately home in a suite with a big four poster bed and a giant bathtub, plan was some relaxing spa treatments, walks, and hide away in the rooms. A friend of mine chose that night to post photos in the group chat of her dead grandad lying in his hospital bed, he was the same age as my dad. I looked at my phone to see so many notifications where other friends had flooded the chat with lots of comments and changes of conversation and private messages to tell me not to scroll up so that I wouldn’t see it!
What was the icing on the cake of vulturism was she wasn’t even at the bedside while she was distraught and sending these photos, she was at the pub getting pissed with friends.

You might be happy to have your dead self shared but plenty will not. I wouldn’t like it and I certainly wouldn’t like to my relative shared all over the internet for fake condolences

Exactly

That's horrible, so demeaning and a lack of dignity for his poor Uncle who couldn't consent. It's like people who post with a drip in their arm. It's just attention seeking. I'm not on much sm but I was recently very seriously ill and in hospital for 5 weeks
Not once did I, Dh or Ds even think of taking a photo of me to post. It's really distasteful and disrespectful.

So did you not visit him while in hospital? When we are grieving we often find something to focus on, usually overly negative. I think that's is what you are doing.

Agree with you OP. People will do anything for ‘likes’ they have no shame

It’s weird but the uncle certainly isn’t going to care is he so why are you so bothered?

It's not something I would do personally but then again I don't post photos on social media at all. I don't think it is my place to tell others how to grieve though. If using a photo of their relative helps them to reach out for support and kindness at a difficult time then so be it. Where I live they lay dead bodies out for all and sundry to come have a gawk at if they wish, so I couldn't find it in myself to get worked up about a photo.

How do you know he wouldn't have cared?

If he'd been asked when he was alive, if he wanted photos of him whilst dead/dying to be put on the internet, how do you know he would've said "I don't care"?

You don't. No-one does so it's better to be respectful and not do it at all unless expressly asked to, by the dying person.

Sounds very ghoulish and unnecessary. Ok to keep the photo yourself I guess (not that I would) But to post online?? Why??

I am actually shocked by this. It is disrespectful to the relative, they cannot have consented to this. I would be absolutely disgusted if somebody did this to me.
Why would the person want to remember their relative in this state? Wouldn't you want to remember them healthy and happy? That is awful op, I'm so sorry.

If using a photo of their relative helps them to reach out for support and kindness at a difficult time then so be it.

What's wrong with posting words on the internet?

Telling people your uncle is dead or dying, doesn't HAVE to be accompanied by a photo of him lying there dead or dying 😳

A relative did this when my uncle was dying in hospital. I promptly blocked her posts and have never seen anything from her on my FB feed since.

YANBU. It is disrespectful and attention seeking. Take photos for yourself by all means, but don't post them on SM.

I don’t post photos of people. If I had to for some reason then yes, of course I would get their consent before doing it.

I think its really disrespectful. A hand fine. Anything else is gross. There's all sorts of weirdos on the internet

Remembering how my mother was in the days before she died, there is no way she would have wanted to be photographed, let alone have the picture published. This does seem to be something the nephew did purely for himself.

OP, did your uncle have any children? Have they said anything about this?

Yes, and I know I wouldn't want a photo taken of me dying, or dead. It isn't the same thing as posting a photo that somebody alive and healthy dislikes the angle of! This is disrespectful. Who wants to see this as well? It is morbid imo.

I have a photo of DH's hands holding something that was very dear to him and was cremated with him, it's a memory and for my eyes only. I can't imagine ever having posted a photo of him in his last days and hours for many reasons not least because he couldn't consent. I can only begin to imagine the hurt and distress it would have caused if anyone had done that. It was bad enough that a distant relative posted his death on Facebook before I'd had chance to call everyone who should have known before a Facebook post was made. People do weird things for the likes.

That is completely understandable 💐

Very disrespectful. I couldn't beat to watch my grandad's last moments, to take photo is quite frankly disgusting.

Or people do weird things when they are grieving. I don't think it is helpful to always assume that people have the worst intentions. He was obviously some way close to his Uncle or he wouldn't be there when the Uncle was on his death bed.

I hate it. I deleted an acquaintance from DM for posting selfies next to the hospital bed of both her ex husband with terminal cancer and her mum with dementia. It’s so fucking disrespectful imo. Let the dying have dignity and not be used as a selfie prop for SM attention