Selfie in hospital with dying relative

[TheAverageJoanne]

My uncle died in hospital this morning after a stroke on Friday. My cousin (his nephew) posted a selfie on Facebook of himself by my uncle's bedside with a caption saying he was spending precious moments with him. I don't know if he was dead or alive or when the picture was actually taken but I'm furious. My uncle was visible laid out in the bed. I feel very upset about it and I think it's really distasteful. Do you, or is it me being oversensitive?

He’s a twat, not least because Facebook is so passé.

How awful!

Your poor dad, I'm sure I wouldn't want a photo of me on my death bed posted on insta!

I must make sure I tell my sons...... oh hang on they would never post a photo of me

A. In that situation
B. Knowing that I couldn't consent

Then posted on Facebook or Insta?

That's the disrespectful bit.

Horrid and I don't care if that makes me a grumpy old(ish) woman. If anyone does that to me and there is an afterlife, I will be back to do some serious haunting.

I also hate any photos taken in hospital unless the person in question is able to consent.

Takes a certain kind of person to do this, needing validation and likes and "thinking of you bbz" even when someone else is dying. Can't even let someone die without making it about him.

Try and find some comfort in the fact that you're not that low op. Sorry for your loss.

I would get in touch and ask him to take it down saying it's raw and the family are in grief and the photo is insensitive.
Don't rant, just state the feelings and make the request.
That is awful.

Consent is everything here. I doubt very much that there was consent.

Tacky at best. Complete betrayal of someone's rights and dignity at worst.

I loathe the competitive grieving that goes on on social media. Mawkish and awful.

OP - try to remember your loved one as they were when alive and vibrant x

A decent person would make sure that a group photo only had those willing to be in it, anyone abusing that runs the risk of their phone etc being 'accidentally' trodden on or their entire camera memory of photos wiped, (hello to an annoying prat on a tour of India who suffered the latter!).

I said this upthread, they fascinate me

And just to add, having seen the effects of a catastrophic stroke on my own mother I very much doubt OP's uncle was able to consent.

There is something really upsetting about it, but also it records how much they loved him.

People should know they're loved when they're alive, not just as a social media box-ticking exercise.
The thread shows the depths to which some are willing plunge on the altar of 'insta' and the other sort of crap.

@LondonFox we live in a society where we are supposed to protect and advocate for the vulnerable. If this isn't the definition of vulnerable then I don't know what is. Great that you'd be happy to have your last moments splashed on social media. Definitely not what I'd want.

I agree with you OP.

Recently a friends wife took a picture of his father hours from death and put it on Facebook, to be honest he looked so ill I actually thought he was dead. They rushed to the hospital knowing full well he was slipping away but this did not stop her taking selfies outside the hospital.

She then posted around 60 images of the funeral including selfies in the car and moaned she was not allowed to take them inside the crematorium 🤦🏻‍♀️. She is from Asia so maybe this is something more acceptable there - I was totally aghast - she took photos prior to the funeral of her husband and his elderly mother going to the funeral directors and meeting with them. Just looking at them made me feel that this was such an invasion of privacy. They stayed in a hotel during this period and there were so many selfies and videos of the hotel you would have thought they were on holiday. To me it comes across as very disrespectful. She is very money and material goods orientated and a huge narcissist - so I really should not have been surprised.

As others have pointed out nothing appears to be private anymore. I know death is a part of life but I find such social media postings extremely distasteful.

It’s not about grieving for the relative, it’s only about attention for themselves. So others can message a “poor you.”

It's awful, I'm sorry that happened 😞
A relatives family took pictures of their dead brother 4 DAYS after his death, in the morgue! His poor daughter was distraught, she had told them no (as his next of kin). Thankfully I don't think the photos made it onto Facebook.

It's crap behaviour, but it's not worth raising, it won't get you anywhere.

Someone I know had their profile picture on FB for months as their baby who was a stillborn; a full face photograph of the baby. I can see their side of it but on paper, it's just 🤯

My friend recently posted a picture on Facebook of her holding her late fathers hand, it was clearly taken after death, this was on the sixth anniversary of his death. I was very shocked, there was no warning. I did not send condolences. I thought it vulgar and disrespectful. I fear for her mental health that she thinks this appropriate.

Do you think it’s what he would have wanted? Was he a regular poster on social media?

The worst behaviour I’ve ever known was when dfil was rushed to A&E.
Bil and his dw live nearest so were there first, dsil got there v. quickly with her dh.
We were still on our way.
After dfil was stabilised the nurse said he could have 2 visitors. Bil stood up to go in and before dsil could get up bil’s dw was about to go in with him.
My other bil, dsis’s dh had to say ‘ I think his own dc should see him and we’ll wait here.’

She also claimed the 2 free parking permits so she and her dh could travel separately.

My Dad died in hospice 2 weeks ago.
I haven’t shared any pics of that time on social media and I would it’s tasteless and wrong.
Personal photos I took were when we took him into the hospice garden in a wheelchair and I took photos of hands clasped with my mum and myself in the last days, which I love.

I am so lucky that nobody I know is so obsessed with social media that they would do it. My kids are at uni and would never do something so crass. When their grandad recently died, they didn’t even post about the death. They know when not to make something about likes and attention for them.

I like to think that only a minority of people are crass and undignified enough to do this kind of stuff.

I work in the funeral industry and nothing surprises me now only after doing it for 6months. But the worst thing I've ever seen was at a wake in a bar which I have an interest in. They started off very normally, not many people,some had to fly to attend. Then asked if they could put some music on, we have a machine that can connect to the internet and play people's Spotify etc....next thing it's baby shark and they are all up dancing....one woman with the picture of the deceased from the buffett table. One of the women asked if I would like to take her home (I am male). There was an argument about who was going to dance with the picture next....all by 4 in the afternoon!

I think we may have been at the same wake..

Up dancing to Macarena? Shocking 😮

I had a patient who was very glamorous. Always beautifully dressed and made up. Looking good was very important to her. She finally went into a hospice where her family posted a photo of themselves at her bedside a few days before she died. She was skeletal and yellow. She looked dreadful and I was so upset with them. She would have been absolutely horrified had she been aware.

That's so sad 😞, I hope she was totally unaware and there is no "afterlife".