Selfie in hospital with dying relative

[TheAverageJoanne]

My uncle died in hospital this morning after a stroke on Friday. My cousin (his nephew) posted a selfie on Facebook of himself by my uncle's bedside with a caption saying he was spending precious moments with him. I don't know if he was dead or alive or when the picture was actually taken but I'm furious. My uncle was visible laid out in the bed. I feel very upset about it and I think it's really distasteful. Do you, or is it me being oversensitive?

I don't get it. IMO, going in all guns blazing and "calling someone out" when they're in the throes of grief is even more unpleasant than someone taking a picture with their relative and sharing it on social media

I agree about the "all guns blazing" when it's perfectly possible to make the point quietly, @ricecrispiecakes, but wouldn't want to assume anything about the "throes of grief"

Of course the nephew may have been extremely close to the dying man and genuinely devastated, or than again he may be a complete idiot who cares for nothing beyond his SM "likes" - the point is we simply don't know

This time last year my DH was in intensive care following a heart operation.
He obviously doesn’t remember much of that time, and has repeatedly asked me why I didn’t take photos of him.
I have explained on many occasions that he would not want to see himself like that. I didn’t want to see it.
And he lived! I can’t imagine being confronted with it online. All you can really do is unfriend the relative so you don’t see the posts.

Very distasteful.

You say he was 'visible [visibly?] laid out ' on the bed which actually means he was dead.

Laid out means he was dead.

You don't know that.

Yes he has a son, another cousin. He's not happy about it.

How self obsessed and deviod of any sense of appropriate behaviour would you have to be to do this? No, they were not spending "precious moments", they were being intrusive, showing no respect for their uncle and then sharing the image totally heedless of the hurt it had the potential to cause. What next, a Tiktok video of them crying?

In the days after she died people posted happy memories and some pictures of good times they had with my mum when she was well and that was very welcome for the family and something she would have approved of. This is so so much better than some grim hospital picture.

What next, a Tiktok video of them crying?

I'd bet money a couple of posters on this thread have done exactly that.

My DM has already told me multiple times, no one is to take and post a photo of her in a hospital bed, near death, looking like crap. Absolutely not.

Well mine must be rolling all over the floor as I find it crass and repellent

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I get upset when I see WRITTEN reports by strangers about strangers in the papers of somebody's last hours/days. Such as idiotic nurses and idiotic doctors revealing 'what people said they were sorry about when dying'. And this is a family member?????

Intrusive, rude, crass, distasteful.

I hate seeing this it's attention seeking not like they can consent.

People that do this are attention seeking scumbags with no morals!

I would aak him to tale them down sat you find it really upsetting to see ans you know hw qoulsnt hava qanted a photo of him in that state to be seen publicly and its very tasteless

Oh my gosh. Same thing happened to us! Step mum posted a selfie with dead gran. Completely inappropriate gran would have hated that. She was distressed enough that she was ill in hospital. What really hurt was that it felt like a brag that step mum was there at the end and we weren't! She sent yo pic on WhatsApps actually before we got the message to say gran had passed but thankfully we didn't see it first. It was a horrible shock when we saw it ( just after the bad news phone call). She only sent it to us as well? And not the other siblings. Gran didn't like step mum which to me made it worse.

I was so angry decided not to say anything as didn't want to cause anyone else distress near to funeral. We are just continuing to be low contact with dad and step mum.

I think it's completely bat shit crazy!

@LondonFox

"Consent to what?
Do you really send message to all your friends befoe posting a group photo?
Bloke is dead, I could not care less who posts my pics once I die. Not lile I'd need to be vigilant of my online persona at that moment"

I've got cancer. I would absolutely hate my photo to be put online when I die. So obviously I totally disagree with you.

No, not via social media - just the phrase "calling someone out" generally (to me) indicates anger and shouting - maybe other people see it differently as I'm clearly in the minority, lol.

Utterly tasteless and all about you. What has happened to people’s dignity?

No I agreeit it is a very bad idea. But don't make it worse by making a fuss about it. And causing a family row.

I'm surprised he was even allowed to take a photo in a hospital. In the one I was in there were signs clearly stating NO PHOTOS because of privacy reasons surrounding other patients.

Is your cousin having some sort of mid-life crisis taking selfies and putting them on social media? I thought this was the preserve of teenagers and 20 somethings.

I think its better to remember people when they were alive and well, not having your abiding memory of them on their deathbed if not already dead and as others have already said, a terrible way for other family members and friends to find out. For a grown man of 43 to think this is acceptable behaviour defies all that is sane, unless he does have some sort of mental health condition in which case I apologise unreservedly.

Far from showing the world how much he loves his uncle, your nephew has shown him no respect and total disregard for his dignity. He should be thoroughly ashamed of himself, but I suspect he thinks he is clever for doing it.

Absolutely. I don't know how this has become a thing.

I have just got home from sitting with my mum as she died this morning. Last I would have been furious if someone had taken a photo of her as she lay there. Even last week when her brother visited he decided not to take a photo of her as he normally did because a) he didn't want to remember that way and b) he wanted to preserve her dignity.

Can you report it on FB?

It's disgusting. And attention seeking behaviour for comments. Just awful and sad.