Selfie in hospital with dying relative

[TheAverageJoanne]

My uncle died in hospital this morning after a stroke on Friday. My cousin (his nephew) posted a selfie on Facebook of himself by my uncle's bedside with a caption saying he was spending precious moments with him. I don't know if he was dead or alive or when the picture was actually taken but I'm furious. My uncle was visible laid out in the bed. I feel very upset about it and I think it's really distasteful. Do you, or is it me being oversensitive?

I would absolutely hate for a picture to be posted of me on social media as I'm lying in a bed dying. Where's the dignity and respect.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

Sorry for your loss 😞

I was the same, although I do have a snap on my phone of my hand holding hers at the end. I never want to see/remember how she's looked at the end again and she'd have HATED being photographed.

I think that's awful, but probably let it go as emotions are going to be heightened right now

I'd say if he posted after the poor guy has passed it would very inappropriate. I guess if he wanted to document the guys last moments, that might be his way of coping? But I wouldn't dream of taking selfies with people who were that unwell unless they wanted me to? Presuming the uncle couldn't even consent?

We don't, but I generally think it's best to assume the best of someone rather than the worst - at least, until you have evidence to prove otherwise.

Sorry to hear about your uncle @TheAverageJoanne

Some people are vile, attention seekers.

I'd be furious too.

When my mum was dying, a relative took a photo of her and I was not happy and told them to delete it, it's disrespectful.

My cousin did this when my grandma died. She visited exactly once (grandma was very ill for a few month), took photos of a person who was too ill to consent and plastered them all over her social media with quotes about grief when grandma died. She is in her 20ies and maybe an idiot that grew up with social media. (She has a fairly big following as she promotes her work stuff on social media) I still felt heartbroken and think it’s completely out of order. I can’t look her in the eye since she did this.

What is wrong with you @Ponoka7 ?

Disgusting, repellant behaviour. I thought he might be a teenager but you've said your cousin is in his 40s! What a heartless ghoul.

So sorry for your loss. 💐

Precious moments indeed. What a crass, emotionally stunted individual.
im sorry for your loss op.

That's so creepy & as others have said it screams "look at me I'M GRIEVING" it's up there with "Happy Heavenly Birthday"

@TheAverageJoanne That’s so out of order, to post someone’s dying moments on a public place like Farcebook.
Sorry for your Loss.

I'm not sure 'happy heavenly birthday' is as bad, provided it's accompanied by a nice pic of the person while healthy.

Deathbed pics on the other hand... in my limited experience of seeing people die, their appearance seems to change so much at the very end. Perhaps this isn't always the case, but all I know is I wouldn't have wanted any photos of my dad once he'd reached that point.

Had a massive falling out with my aunt and cousin over something similar. It’s disgusting and the lack of respect is astonishing.

I really don’t buy the ‘maybe it’s his way of grieving’ or ‘times are changing’ angle - only attention whores with no shred of decency do stuff like this.

It’s different if the photo is just a personal keepsake, or for sharing privately with close family.

But posting it on SM, with no respect for the dying person’s privacy or vulnerability at a time when they might be disorientated or frightened, is reprehensible. To do it as scroll bait - and what other reason is there? - for likes and rainbows and fucking sad face emojis simply demonstrates how moronic, self-centred and completely lacking in empathy these people are.

I have zero tolerance for it - YADNBU, OP.

Private photos are fine, posting on the internet isn't on, mainly because other relatives/friends might see it and be upset.

My son was in hdu with drips, an oxygen mask, little sticky heart monitor things and those rubber pad things on his chest from when they thought they would have to use the electric shock thing to restart his heart. And his teddy that he'd had since he was born sat on the pillow next to him. I wasn't allowed to be with him because of lockdown (although my in-laws sneaked in to visit which I was furious about) and I dithered about asking dh to take some photos but I was worried he or the nurses would think badly of me. When ds2 regained consciousness he asked me if there were any photos and I wished I'd got dh to take some. I kept one of the little sticky heart monitor things though and I think ds2 has one too.

Do you know what fair enough, just because it makes me roll my eyes doesn't mean others shouldn't do it, if it gives them comfort, grief makes people do crazy things

I used to be a funeral arranger and I recall some young women coming in to see their deceased relative and the first thing they did was start taking photos of her in her coffin. I found it very distasteful, but each to their own I guess.

Something that has fascinated me, in a macbre way I suppose, is Victorian death photos, they'd sometimes prop their loved one up in a family photo because that would be the only time they'd have a picture of their loved one

It's weird how phones and social media have completely changed social conventions in so many areas of life and people can be on such different pages about it all depending on how much they embrace it

Phones at restaurants, kids on iPads at the table, answering messages from other people when I'm having a 1:1 conversation with you, posting photos of your food or your hotel room that surely nobody else wants to see, filming a concert instead of listening to it, all this is very weird to me and some of it I think is rude but it is not to many other people and I accept I might be the one out of date.

The bottom line for me is what the person concerned wants or would have wanted. If they were the kind of person who photographs their dinner every night and posts all the time then maybe you can say they would be OK with it but I think still for the vast majority of people they would not want photos of them unwell and dying being posted publicly and if you know they would not want it or it will cause offence to people close to the person then surely you just don't do it.

I'd be asking him - possibly via his parents - to take it down. How will they know it's wrong if nobody teaches them that it is? Breathtakingly crass.

This is not crazy. It’s attention seeking, distasteful and disrespectful.