Selfie in hospital with dying relative

[TheAverageJoanne]

My uncle died in hospital this morning after a stroke on Friday. My cousin (his nephew) posted a selfie on Facebook of himself by my uncle's bedside with a caption saying he was spending precious moments with him. I don't know if he was dead or alive or when the picture was actually taken but I'm furious. My uncle was visible laid out in the bed. I feel very upset about it and I think it's really distasteful. Do you, or is it me being oversensitive?

I find it incredibly crass. I was at my dad's and sisters bedside as they passed and it never crossed any of our minds, including her kids, to take pictures. We were all upset and too busy talking to them about good memories, comforting words, thanking them for everything etc

Unnecessary. I wouldn't think about doing this.
It just wouldn't come to mind.

I have truly never understood people posting selfies with dying relatives, nor the holding hands with your dying nan pics on fb which seemed to be a trend a few years ago. I admit, I definitely take a lot of photos of pointless and random stuff and use my camera roll as a photo diary. So I can see why people would photograph these moments. They are all part of life. It’s the sharing on Facebook/instagram/tiktok for likes that feels a bit uncomfortable for me.

i do post photos on social media, but the photos I post are happy holiday photos. Dying is such an intense and personal part of life, and for that time, it should be about the person who is dying, not those around them. This seems to stray a bit too much into making someone else’s death all about you, and I think that’s why I’m extremely uncomfortable with it.

I guess it's just the description - the idea of "calling someone out" seems really aggressive to me.

I'm all for speaking to someone who has upset you, but a lot of the responses on here just seem really reactive and angry, which I guess is understandable if you're grieving, but I don't think it would achieve anything in the long-run.

People are crass. My mils daughter sent a photo of MIL after she had died. Middle eastern country so she was being washed ready for burial.

It was a message I can't unsee. And it was terribly disrespectful to their mum. I deleted it before DH saw it. It was quite haunting and I think it would have effected dh even worse.

That and my whatsapp is linked to my laptop. If my kids saw it it wouldn't have been great, would it!

It's a YANBU from me, I think this is a ghoulish trend personally.

Agreed.

And also I don't get why everything has to be shared these days. Fine take a photo but it doesn't have to go on the internet.

I have so many special memories of my grandparents in their last years, some just images in my head that I will treasure forever (because why interrupt every moment for a photo), others a few special photos. But I feel horrified at the thought that even my deathbed might not be a private space. It's astonishing people think that is ok

It's too like the scene where the children are taken to see the dying in Brave New World.

https://www.huxley.net/bnw/fourteen.html

No. It's deeply insensitive to other friends and relatives and heightens the risk of finding out such news in a ghastly way through social media.

Disrespectful and attention-seeking. I wonder if his immediate family have seen the picture?

Are you perhaps assuming that there is a suggestion to chastise him over social media? I don’t think anyone has suggested being anything other than private and sensitive.

Totally disrespectful to post this on social media. I have a picture of my mum on her hospital deathbed but I'd never share it. I also have an image of my 21 year old nephew in his coffin but it's for me, not for anyone else. It's also not a selfie.

When my dad was in his last few weeks of life, my brother posted a selfie on social media with him and I spoke with the rest of the family to suggest this wasn't ok and that neither of my parents really understood SM enough to consent to it. Dad looked ill and frail and I didn't want the world to see him so vulnerable. My family agreed and set up a family what's app for these kind of pictures instead.

You on the other hands need some pearls, it’s a disgrace posting photos like you did. You have no respect for anyone, not even for yourself.

Predictable response.

There's not a shred of decency.

But she needed another one so people could feel really sorry for her. One picture say more than a thousand words and all that.

That is how you resort to respond when you have nothing to say for yourself.

Very very disrespectful
You have to ask him to take it down as calmly as you can.

I know that my mum was very upset by how ill she looked when her cancer was advanced. She would have been mortified beyond belief to have an image of her in her final days posted for all to see. Her dignity was extremely important to her. I would have been outraged on her behalf if anyone had done this to her. No one who was really close to her or knew her would do such a thing.
I guess if the person concerns didn't feel that way and was happy for the pic to be posted would be my only exception

TBH it's not so just the picture but people posting as soon as they hear of the death.

My Mother died in the small hours of a weekday. The following day my sis phoned around rellies to let them know. I would have done my bit of calling but DD was getting her Masters the following day and, by agreement, I was there.

Within an hour of being told somebody has posted a message on FB about how Mum was in heaven and with my Dad again. Apart from the religious overtone which mildly offended my Sis and I (and our Father would have been outraged!!) there was a serious risk of people finding out that way rather than being told by family.

DP's cousin made a very specific request not to post about his Mum on SM until he'd had time to let people know.

It is vile. The world has gone crazy with social media and nothing is private anymore.
I found out that my much loved granny had died due to my cousin posting it on Facebook. My dad was enroute to deliver the news to us in person but unfortunately my cousin was straight onto Facebook and put a post on. Still annoys me thinking about it.
Sorry to hear about your uncle xx

Probably fuck all considering the internet wasn't invented?

If they'd ridden through town on a horse with the photos on large placards, I would imagine they'd think it was just as crass as people today, publishing photos of dead/dying/vulnerable patients for sympathy.

'Look at me! Aren't I grand for spending some time with my sick and dying relative?! Look at me! Please leave a like! Please! Look at meeeee!'

That about sums it up.

Yep. And look at all the ‘u ok hun?’ comments and ❤️. 🙏 on my post coz it’s all about meeeeeeeeeeee