Selfie in hospital with dying relative

[TheAverageJoanne]

My uncle died in hospital this morning after a stroke on Friday. My cousin (his nephew) posted a selfie on Facebook of himself by my uncle's bedside with a caption saying he was spending precious moments with him. I don't know if he was dead or alive or when the picture was actually taken but I'm furious. My uncle was visible laid out in the bed. I feel very upset about it and I think it's really distasteful. Do you, or is it me being oversensitive?

People have no sense of dignity, of what should remain private and unphotographed, or of how to behave in relation to phone cameras and posting stuff online.

Sorry but that's really tasteless. The only plus point being that he wasn't in any fit state to care.

Did you not have plenty of time to take pictures when he was well

People do strange things in the throes of grief - I don't think it's necessarily fair to leap on them and call them names like PP's seem to be so keen to do.

By all means have a subtle word, but otherwise, I would be hesitant to call someone out on their behaviour in the immediate aftermath of the death.

If he'd already passed that's appalling, but I don't think sharing a picture of a visit with seriously ill relative is that bad?

DH died at home, I shared some pictures of us all trying to make the most of his last weeks.

For the sake of family harmony, let it go. It's not worth falling out over

^ this.

Emotions are high as you are all now grieving. It was an ill-judged post, by one of many millions of people who have a distorted view of social media, but not worth the headspace. Hide the post, try to forget about it, show respect to his close family by being civil at the funeral and if after than you feel you do not want contact with him again do it discretely to not cause any drama or upset to your uncles family.

Sorry for your loss.

i tink its vulgar to post online-personal use fine

This just about sums it up for me, but unfortunately some let their brains fall out once they get a phone in their hand and seem to live their lives through "images" anyway

Looking on the bright side, at least it's not (quite) so bad as selfies with the deceased in their coffin - another trend which seems to be increasing, though who'd look at something like that and think "Ooooo I'll do it too!!" defeats me

I wouldn't be hesitant to call out disgusting behaviour like this at all.

You can't hide behind grief and just do what you want, without expecting to be called out on it.

This.
It’s grim, attention seeking behaviour and obviously his uncle couldn’t consent to the photograph.
If you have to say or send anything to him I’d put do you think it was really tasteful to publicly post a photo of a dying man, a photo he could consent to?

Shame on him.

but I don't think sharing a picture of a visit with seriously ill relative is that bad?

Without permission from the person in question, who was in the most vulnerable position they've probably ever been in, of course it's 'that' bloody 'bad'.

And 100% unnecessary for the nephew to do it.

If he wanted sympathy from people online, he could've used words WITHOUT the photo.

I agree, I wouldn't call it out, but I would doubt the integrity of the person who did this.

I was devastated beyond words while seeing a very close relative die. I sat by the bedside for hours. My phone was turned off in the bottom of my bag. I spent the time privately talking, and enjoyed those last precious hugs, that I will remember for a lifetime. Looking at a phone was the last thing on my mind. How can you be truly there while looking through a lens, distracted. It is disrespectful imo.

Agree!

So if you find it upsetting or "disgusting", what's wrong with speaking to them quietly and privately?

Everyone on this thread seems so reactive and angry and keen to just barge in and be rude - I don't get it. IMO, going in all guns blazing and "calling someone out" when they're in the throes of grief is even more unpleasant than someone taking a picture with their relative and sharing it on social media.

But we're all different, I guess. I just don't understand what it's supposed to achieve - an argument? Do you want to make them feel guilty or even more upset?

Yep but they get their validation from the sheer amount of ‘sending love hun’ comments and ❤️ emojis.

It’s absolutely grim but the ones who think this is ok are usually the same ones who can barely take a shit without posting it on FB

I understand taking the picture but why post it? You know some moments can just be private. You don't need to share it with the world.

Spot on @SamW98 !

My cousin did this with our dying grandma. Grandma really cared how she looked. Her hair and makeup was always done.

My cousin also cared about her appearance and made sure she was all dressed up while our grandmother was actively dying.
It was sick. I noticed she didn’t do it when her own mother died.

I find all these hospital photos on social media really gross and distasteful. I can't imagine the thought process when a family member is ill to whip out the camera for likes. Grim.

All photos posted in facebook should have the agreement of the person in the photo. If the person is deceased then the next of kin should be consulted for agreement before posting the photo. Anything else is presumptuous & wrong.

As an aside I also can't stand the "crying" videos that get posted. Can you imagine crying and then thinking right let's get this on film as it's such good content for the gram! The world has gone mad!

Nothing will surprise me since my late dad’s best friend took a selfie with the urn containing my dad’s ashes. He then asked my mum if he could see the ashes inside (she said no).

So if you find it upsetting or "disgusting", what's wrong with speaking to them quietly and privately?

I think your idea of 'calling someone out' is different to mine.

It's quite possible to do it quietly and privately, even when you are disgusted at them.

No-one mentioned calling him out in public, or going 'all guns blazing'.

I've never felt the need to look at a photo of someone's dead or dying relative on social media and the idea of posting one is grim. It's bizarre when some posters won't use the normal words for death because they're triggered by them and yet feel a photo of their dead family is just fine.

Poor Grandma.
OP I’d be so distressed if anyone did this to a dying relative. I MEAN Have some fucking respect and decorum.
I would ask the idiot cousin to take it down.

@TheAverageJoanne my condolences for your loss.

YANBU about the nephew’s behaviour.
Posting the image & so soon, both are tasteless things to do IMO.

But let’s be kind to the nephew & say that he was in shock so lost his sense of decorum. Others may well speak directly to him about what he has done, but you don’t have to,

Block him on social media, block the post with the photo so that you don’t come across it again.

People do strange things in the throws of grief, please don’t it take it personally.