ANGRY! ( and I've fucked up)

[marmoet]

My very elderly parents have recently gone into a nursing home after both having stints in hospital. Prior to that they were very dodgily living at home alone but stubborn and happy .
As my sister and I are both POA and do not get on this has caused a lot of friction but I thought we were sorted.
They have been in the nursing home for about a month ( after 2 months in hospital) and today I went by their house to check the place as it is empty and their car was gone.
I rang my sister worried it was stolen and she said that mum and dad had "lent" it to her partner. He has driven it interstate ( Australia , so hundrends of kms). WHen I spoke to my parents they thought he was "borrowing it to go to somewhere for work ( a completely different city), and basically had no idea . They are very old. My sister has a car and her partner has a car, both expensive ones btw.
I got cranky and pointed out that they have a grandson who has no car , then they started crying and then I felt bad , as I behaved badly but I'm fecked either way.
They are saying things like we always had dogs ( when I was never allowed one). They are denying the fact that we spent our life tip-toeing around my sister "be quiet , she's asleep, come and help with the grdening". It's like my life didn't exist as there is nobody left to verify it.
Sorry for such a pathetic unloading.
If the car had been at my sisters I would seriously gone over and driven it here, but he has taken it interstate and I don't know the plate number. Neither do my parents. My sister gets all of their mail delivered to her.

With POA there are 2 ways you can have it set up

1.On loss of capacity
2.Acting on your behalf if you have capacity -so dealing with your affairs of you are able to consent but you are in hospital or prefer someone to take care of it on your behalf.

I've literally just done mine

Surely the car, like the house is an asset of your parents and has a £ value. Does it still belong to your parents or has ownership been legally transferred? If it is still owned by your parents then maybe your Sister should formalise the transfer and pay for them for the car.

This! I feel for you as I do think it’s a bit strange that your brother-in-law needed to use the car when he has a perfectly good car of his own. It feels to me as if they are being manipulative but a lot of what is going on is to do with your resentment towards your sister that you’ve clearly had for a very long time, possibly very justifiably so. I would try and sort this out with your sister without involving your parents as they will only be upset. Wishing you the best of luck.

Report it stolen? Surely there are documents in the house with the licence plate details.

Also, as another poster stated, take what's yours and what you want to keep from the house now, because it'll be gone before you know it. My dad has gone through the same after the death of his mother, and it's amazing what it does to even family that gets on.

I've read your post a couple times now to understand what's going on.

You're now hashing out the "wrongs" you feel have been done on you by your parent's with them now after they have spent a time in the hospital and have had their entire lives uprooted from their home and they are now in care.

You and your sister have POA and you now have to find a way to share and work together and it sounds like you have alot of animosity toward your sister for your perceived "wrongs" because she was/is treated differently than you.

I think you need to sit down with a therapist and work through these issues on your own. You should not be hashing out things with your parents. You should not be accusing your sister of theft. She also has POA and just as much right as you do.

You need to take a breath. Reach out to your sister and agree a way forward on how the assets of your parents are to be treated. Keep in mind though that your parents are still alive and they can overrule you and you have to suck it up.

If you want the car for your son, then it sounds like this asset needs to be agreed with your parents who should have it and how it should be used.

I think you owe your sister an apology. I think you really need the therapy to deal with these issues.

I wish you the best.

But he didn't steal the car. Your parents gave him permission to use it. It seems you'd be happy for your parents to give the car to your Son but are annoyed they've lent it to Sisters partner. Seems you're all on the take & not considering your parents have just been through a hospital stay & now moved into a home they're not used to & probably still getting settled in & there's you having a go at them & upsetting them.