I am 6 years a married, widow. That's the term I use. I won't remarry. I have no interest. To me, even the thought feels like cheating.
My husband was,/is my 2nd husband, my soul mate, best friend, and the dad he didn't have to be to our 4 + grandpa to 5.
When I met him, I was in the middle of the divorce from hell. He saw through all the chaos of our lives to whom we were.
He had never married or had children because he dad was a very poorly nan and had gone blind when he was 20. As the eldest of 5, he stopped at home to help give his parents a life. We met as his dad passed 22 years ago.
I had fled domestic abuse, 2 years before, was involved in the whole system of this country, and he took us on and taught us what real love was and is. I also had a dysfunctional childhood, too.
My husband wedding ring is under mine on the third finger left hand.
I have a good life, enriched with family and fellowship. I continue our travelling with him in spirit.
My husband existed and still does. I honour him by appropriately keeping his memory alive and breathing for both of us, as 2 worlds entwined now.
My children see my late husband as dad. The biological one has the boys' call him is elsewhere in the world. They cut the ex off years ago.
The poem attached sums it up. Death ended my husband life. It didn't end our relationship/marriage. I take him with me wherever I go in spirit.