If your Dh died or you got divorced do you think you'd remarry

[Eastereggmadness]

My DD 10 asked me this out of the blue? And asked me to promise I never would! (She'd watched some programme with new stepmum in it).
And it got me thinking. I don't think I ever would at least till they were grown up) as I don't think my kids would like it. But maybe that is a bit martyrish of me. I wonder what others think.

It’s easy to say when you’re not in the situation but I don’t believe so. I have a toddler already, and one baby on the way, with my husband and I wouldn’t be interested in financially and legally entangling myself with another man, no matter how good I believed they were to me and my son.
I wouldn’t say no to being in a serious relationship again. I’m only thirty and there would be a lot of life to live single should I lose my wonderful husband now… whoever I chose next would have to be absolutely fantastic to even come close to competing though! And it would take a very long time before I would be willing to introduce my children to anyone else.

I think age is probably a factor for many people. If I’d lost my DH or got divorced n my 30’s, I might have wanted another relationship. At nearly 50, I cba. 🤣

GradGirl that was my point that it's such an individual and sometimes circumstantial thing. In the years before I said never again but things changed in my situation in that moment I wanted to again.
So I couldn't say if I lost my second husband that I wouldn't marry or live with someone again because for me over the years my feelings changed

I haven't. Found my self alone with an 11 month old and 2yr old when I was early thirties. Am still alone now late 40s. Have honestly loved raising my kids single handedly. We've had so much fun. Don't get me wrong, tough times too. But no way would I risk introducing another man into their lives, they don't need to be let down again.

I think the answer is, you can’t know until you’re in this situation.

I am divorced and have made a decision not to bring another man into my children’s lives. I’m open to dating etc, but not to any kind of relationship that means children have to have that adult in their lives.

The decision is the right one for me. But obviously it has its downsides.

When friends who are married / in a long term relationship say “oh yes if my husband/ partner died I don’t think I’d live with anyone else” or “I think I’d be very happy alone, I find it a bit smug to be honest. They don’t know how they’ll feel. They can’t possibly understand the reality of living your life alone, esp with children.

Yes I think I got that. I feel like I can actually confidently say never. I was very happily single until I was 37. I love my DC very much but I’ll be extremely content living alone again.

Probably not.

Just too messy financially.

However, I might seek a LTR but wouldn't move in with him.

There’s not a man in the world that would live up to my husband. I would never remarry. The kids are grown up now but there’s still no way I would.

No as dh is my 4th... Would def get another ddog though...

Only if we didn’t live together, maybe.

Tbh, I can count on one hand how many men I have seen that if I were single I would want to get to know them more. Plus, I’m not sure I could if something happened to DH considering we have a sen child who may never live independently, leave home. I probably wouldn’t bring anyone into the home until our 9 mo moved out

No. DH and I have been together for 35 years. If anything happened to him I wouldn't contemplate it. It would be far too messy financially in any event.

I used to work with lady who had been married 5 times. 2 of her ex husbands killed themselves.

There's so many questions that could be asked there 😂😂

One of my aunts was the 4th wife of a really unpleasant man. She thankfully saw the light and left after about 5-6 years.

A few years back she rang my parents and said that her ex was marrying for the 7th time...... but to his first ex wife. My mother rather unwisely commented; 'Oh well, wait long enough he will get around to you again too'.

This did NOT go down well, sadly. Because it was literally the funniest thing my mother has ever said I think.

Difficult to say. I think I would if it was (or I believed it was) absolutely the right person for me.

I really couldn't be bothered. I love my husband, but relationships and marriage are hard work. Can't imagine wanting to do it again.
I am an introvert though, and like my own company. I know relatives on their third marriage, they don't want to be alone. I get that too. We are all different.

I might get an extra dog though ...

I think I'd want the occasional arm at the opera and a meal with red wine at home and a bit of sex. But not marriage. I'd go travelling hard and would tuck myself away in my dream location (cottage in the Outer Hebrides with good wifi and a pub).

I agree. My single friends are all mid/late 50’s and without exception never want to live with a man again.
Think most of us would be open to dating if someone worthwhile crossed our paths but they can go back to their own place often 🤣🤣

I don't think any of us really know how we will feel unti we are in that situation.

I'd been with DH since we were students - so 40 years, 37 of them married - when he died very suddenly and unexpectedly last year. No prior health scare, no indicators or major risk factors. Suddenly those notional plans for when we were both retired disappeared overnight.

I can understand both approaches. We didn't live in each others pockets, had many separate interests and both able to spend time alone quite happily and yet the "hole" left in my life is impossible to fill with more hobbies, more work or more anything else.

I'm not ready to consider anyone else, not sure that I ever will be but I can entirely understand that ache which drives people to try again. I'm not worried about financial complications - a good estate planner can manage that, I'm just not sure I'll ever be ready or even want to be ready for someone else.

I'm finding this thread fascinating as I'm single and basically never met Mr Right. I had a horrid relationship when I was late 20s early 30s that destroyed me and took 6 years to recover. Had kids alone and now 52.

I always thought I would meet someone and actually I thought I needed to if that makes sense.

I wonder now, given so many of you who have been happily married wouldn't seek to remarry again. Most of you seem very happy to accept a single life if your partner were to die.

Feel like we need an over 50 women's club! Or is that what the WI is!!!!

@Sagarmatha

...actually I thought I needed to if that makes sense.

It makes sense if you remember that society tells us that 'coupled up' is what we should all aspire to if we want to be 'happy'.

But I think that all you need to figure out is if you have been happy. If you think about it, I bet you have been. You've had complete independence to live life as you choose and you've had the joy of raising children. That sounds like a pretty good road to happiness to me.

I've had disastrous relationships, I'm currently very happily married (+35yrs). But if I were to lose DH I would never marry nor cohabit again. In fact, I wouldn't seek out a new relationship. Life with DH has been wonderful and, like my mum, if I were to become single I'd be happy with my memories, my grown children, my hobbies, and my friends.

My DH died in 2023. No, I wouldn’t consider marrying again, but I’m older and see no reason to marry again.

I’ve got friends/family, and that’s enough now.

That's what I said, and thought, when my husband died in his mid/late40s. But now, in my early 50's my mind has moved. I wouldn't rule it out...there's a lot off live ahead, and living it with someone has soe appeal. Finding people to do things with is easy enough. Having no one to do nothing with can be hard at times. Just knowing that they are there

You are quite a bit younger than me…I personally, would have no interest in another partner. I’d be happy (as much as I could be!) having my family and friends around me, that would be enough.