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Original poster

Was I wrong to say this to sister ?

167 replies

AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:06

She is 40, still at home. Works but it's low paid and she is single.
I am 34, just moved out with fiance , he is paying the mortgage which I know I am very fortunate for as I wouldn't be able to move out alone either.
Anyway I suggested sister should get a cat (family are on board) and she seemed really off with me and said 'Why does everyone keep saying that? If I get one it keeps me stuck here in the family home or is that what everyone wants?' Was this insensitive of me ? I just think it would be nice for her as realistically, saving up for her own flat in the area we live in will take many years and I'm not saying that nastily but we all know how tough it is out there. Why not have something that could give her some joy in the meantime ?

OP posts:
FuzzyStripes · 20/07/2024 20:09

It depends. Does everyone keep saying it and has she already said no before?

I love cats but they aren’t for everyone.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/07/2024 20:09

It was a bit off, yeah. If she’s never mentioned wanting a cat, it’s a bit of an obvious bit of stereotyping. I’m sure you didn’t mean it like that but, I can see her point of view.

KatiesMumWoof · 20/07/2024 20:09

If she wanted a cat, she'd have got a cat (with parents agreement) why do you think she needs her younger smug sister who has been 'rescued' by a man telling her to get a cat?

take your smugness out of her face.

LostTheMarble · 20/07/2024 20:10

What a weird thing to suggest. A cat is a living creature, not some way to make up for what you think she’s missing in life. Also why aren’t you paying towards the mortgage? Puts you in a poor position if you break up, worry about your own life…

Itsausername91 · 20/07/2024 20:11

My guess is she probably is acutely aware of her situation and doesn't want to cement it by falling into the stereotypical 'single cat lady'.

Or perhaps she's looking to rent and having a cat would make that more difficult?

Either way I don't think either of you are being unreasonable, more like a case of crossed wires

ToxicChristmas · 20/07/2024 20:12

It is a bit weird. It comes across you all think she's a sad loner!

CheshireCat1 · 20/07/2024 20:12

Its insulting

RappersNeedChapstick · 20/07/2024 20:13

Having been single at 30 and lots of people making "helpful" comments I can't imagine how she feels at 40. It's like saying, ok, we all know you're not meeting "the one" or ever moving out.

Sorry OP but I think you have been insensitive.

Justcallmebebes · 20/07/2024 20:13

That was a bit mean and I can see why she didn't take it well

Yupthatsit · 20/07/2024 20:14

Oh for god's sake. Hasn't this stereotype of single women getting a cat gone by now.

Changingplace · 20/07/2024 20:15

What a weird thing to suggest, equally why don’t you get a cat? You sound quite smug tbh, and considering you’ve only been able to move out yourself is because your husband is paying I’m not sure why you think you’re doing so much better than her?

Who’s to say she has no ‘joy’ don’t be so condescending.

Yousaidwhatagain · 20/07/2024 20:16

Because of the crazy cat lady stereotype op. Surely you heard of that. Why suggest a cat of all things? It's hard work, expensive and she's right that it keeps her at home. Everyone taking pity on her must be really upsetting for her.

MounjaroUser · 20/07/2024 20:17

She might think you've written off all her chances of romance.

pasturesgreen · 20/07/2024 20:18

Rather odd suggestion to make, tbh.

I'd mind my own unless specifically asked, getting a pet is an idea that must come from her.

Witchbitch20 · 20/07/2024 20:18

Mad old cat woman sister.

Well done you on bagging a fiancé who’s covering the mortgage.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 20/07/2024 20:18

Living at home at 40 and 34, your poor parents!

Not exactly a pair of go-getters, are you?

pinkfondu · 20/07/2024 20:19

You've basically told her to give up

HeddaGarbled · 20/07/2024 20:19

You are the epitome of a Bridget-Jones-smug-married.

combinationpadlock · 20/07/2024 20:19

Not helpful. Extremely expensive, destructive and a massive bind.

Werweisswohin · 20/07/2024 20:20

HeddaGarbled · 20/07/2024 20:19

You are the epitome of a Bridget-Jones-smug-married.

Well said.

noctilucentcloud · 20/07/2024 20:20

I think she probably feels a bit patronised and pitied - your suggestion implied that as she's single and 40 she has nothing worthwhile in her life. She also is probably acutely aware that her younger sister has moved out and how some people view her, and perhaps worried about her future.

She's also right in that having a cat makes it harder to find somewhere to rent.

betterangels · 20/07/2024 20:20

She's right. It's an annoying thing to say, and she will be even more stuck (if that's how she feels).

Not every single woman wants a cat.

Original poster
AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:21

She loves cats I should have said in my first post.

Don't know why people are judging living situations, very judgemental when you look at the price of properties and if you are on a single income it's doubly hard.

Yes, I know I am lucky but no I am not smug.

OP posts:
betterangels · 20/07/2024 20:21

HeddaGarbled · 20/07/2024 20:19

You are the epitome of a Bridget-Jones-smug-married.

Yes, sorry, but I thought this as well.

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 20:23

Did you say it with a Professor Umbridge tinkly laugh??

Cos that's the way I heard it in my head after you mentioned you have a boyfriend, and you've moved in with your boyfriend and your boyfriend pays the mortgage! 🙄