Was I wrong to say this to sister ?

[AutumnalNights]

She is 40, still at home. Works but it's low paid and she is single.
I am 34, just moved out with fiance , he is paying the mortgage which I know I am very fortunate for as I wouldn't be able to move out alone either.
Anyway I suggested sister should get a cat (family are on board) and she seemed really off with me and said 'Why does everyone keep saying that? If I get one it keeps me stuck here in the family home or is that what everyone wants?' Was this insensitive of me ? I just think it would be nice for her as realistically, saving up for her own flat in the area we live in will take many years and I'm not saying that nastily but we all know how tough it is out there. Why not have something that could give her some joy in the meantime ?

No, haven't you heard? She has a fiance who pays the mortgage!

and I think this would make her happier.

You’re implying she is unhappy, because she is single.

I hate shit like this. I’m also single, and very much happy after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship last year.

My friends are constantly saying “Oh I just want you to be happy” implying I should be dating. I don’t want to date. I’m happy on my own. I don’t need a cat either.

No need to get stroppy - clearly you've no idea how the comment sounded to your older sister, but does the reaction you've got here not give you paws pause for thought?

That patronising you should do x/get y crap should earn the utterer of it a slap in the face with a large wet fish.

Stop being so condescending towards your sister OP and leave her to make her own decisions without your patronising suggestions.

How would you feel if your family told you things they thought would help you, such as don’t move out until you can afford to pay a mortgage and stay and home to save up?

She’s in low paid work, trying to get out of living at home eventually, and you suggest she spends her precious cash on a bloody cat ! Really?
quick google, an average cat cost £1500 a year to keep. Yep, sure is sensible on low wage

And now OP is flouncing because she hasn't had the answer she wants!

Hypocritical to call people judgmental when you are so judgey yourself OP

Why didn't the pair of you pool your income and move out together long before now?

I wonder why you and your sister didn't buy somewhere together years ago.

If she wanted a cat, she would’ve got one by now.

She was off because you were patronising.

To be frank, your post when taken in good faith, doesn’t make sense. What does mortgages or dating have to do with getting a cat? You obviously mentioned those things for a reason. You obviously felt it was relevant to drive her to get a cat.

Sounds like she’s had multiple people making the same suggestion. You may have only said it once to her but if it’s the tenth time she’s heard it it was probably the last straw. There’s not much you can do cos if you apologise for saying it or getting on her nerves it just draws attention to the whole thing. Just leave it now. If she’s an animal lover she would have already considered getting a pet and had her reasons for not doing it. Which is that it is too tying. Which suggests that she has hopes for her life heading in a different direction. Leave her be.

Getting an animal whilst on a low income isn’t really a good idea. The money spent on feeding and taking care of the cat would be better put into savings for a place of her own. It does come across like you’re suggesting a cat because she’s single (which you are) but you’re implying she’s lonely and unhappy. Was there a conversation about cats or her being lonely leading up to your suggestion?

Reminds me of the Christmas as a single 30 something when a couple of siblings each bought me Bridget Jones related gifts and a copy of The Rules. It was at a low point of my life and I discreetly took myself off for a little cry...😢

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t get a cat though? She’s busy I’d imagine, normal life working and social stuff, you’re just going to be sitting in someone else’s house from now on as I understand it? You need the cat more than her surely?

not that I’m having a go you understand

Why should she get a cat? Are you trying to paint her as a mad old cat lady,to make yourself feel better?

She’s probably really fed up with all of the smug “helpful” suggestions

OP "was I wrong?"
MN "yes"
OP"You are all rude and judgemental but I don't care because I have got a fiance"

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Does she want a cat?
The thing is what she has probably interpreted it as is that you think given her age and still living at home she should become a ‘cat lady’ stereotype. I can see how she will have felt offended.
And you, younger and smug with your mortgage paying partner is not going to be helping matters. She probably things you are being unkind.

Are you really so unaware that single older women and cats is a derogatory stereotype? Whether it’s an unfair one or not is beside the point.

Touché I think 😁

She’s right really, it’s more difficult to rent a place with a pet and cats can live up to 20 year so it’s one hell of a commitment.

The sister probably didn’t want an insufferable housemate.