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Original poster

Was I wrong to say this to sister ?

167 replies

AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:06

She is 40, still at home. Works but it's low paid and she is single.
I am 34, just moved out with fiance , he is paying the mortgage which I know I am very fortunate for as I wouldn't be able to move out alone either.
Anyway I suggested sister should get a cat (family are on board) and she seemed really off with me and said 'Why does everyone keep saying that? If I get one it keeps me stuck here in the family home or is that what everyone wants?' Was this insensitive of me ? I just think it would be nice for her as realistically, saving up for her own flat in the area we live in will take many years and I'm not saying that nastily but we all know how tough it is out there. Why not have something that could give her some joy in the meantime ?

OP posts:
biscuitandcake · 20/07/2024 20:23
Tell Go On GIF

If she doesn't want something/doesn't think it practical, then lots of people suggesting it will get deeply irritating. Regardless of what that something is/what her personal circumstances are.
If you were third person that week to suggest it, you will have (unfairly) caught the backlash. Particularly if you then went on to argue why she is wrong and you are right.

STARCATCHER22 · 20/07/2024 20:24

AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:21

She loves cats I should have said in my first post.

Don't know why people are judging living situations, very judgemental when you look at the price of properties and if you are on a single income it's doubly hard.

Yes, I know I am lucky but no I am not smug.

you don’t understand why people are judging your living situations but you’re judging hers…

you may feel superior and lucky being able to move out because a man is going to pay your mortgage but in reality your living situation is now entirely in the hands of someone else. I’d rather be secure and living at home than be so reliant on a man to house me.

betterangels · 20/07/2024 20:25

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 20:23

Did you say it with a Professor Umbridge tinkly laugh??

Cos that's the way I heard it in my head after you mentioned you have a boyfriend, and you've moved in with your boyfriend and your boyfriend pays the mortgage! 🙄

Fiance ...

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/07/2024 20:26

She loves cats? Well then it's fine

She should become the stereotypical cat lady....

🙄

DidYerAye · 20/07/2024 20:26

You're really 34, and you haven't heard the 'crazy/sad single cat lady' cliche? Hmm

TheShiningCarpet · 20/07/2024 20:27

You have implied she is sad and lonely and needs company …

PinkArt · 20/07/2024 20:29

Oh come ON! Either you're staggeringly naive or you meant this as nastily as she's taken it. 'Why don't you get a cat?' to a single woman in her 40s is shorthand for 'you're going to die alone and miserable, you tragic spinster'. It's used as some sort of mad threat to women who dare to suggest they think feminism is a good thing or that they don't actually need a man.
If you didn't mean it as some sort of smug show off that you've managed to find a man to bankroll you instead of your parents then give her a genuine apology for the way it landed.

Original poster
AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:29

Of course I have heard it. 🙄 Doesn't mean I think she is one, she is just a huge animal lover and I think this would make her happier.

Surely there are single women out there with cats or does she just not get one because people might stereotype her? Because that would be crazy.

OP posts:
LostTheMarble · 20/07/2024 20:30

AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:21

She loves cats I should have said in my first post.

Don't know why people are judging living situations, very judgemental when you look at the price of properties and if you are on a single income it's doubly hard.

Yes, I know I am lucky but no I am not smug.

There’s little difference between you and your sister. You’re both living off other people for a roof over your head. Have you got a cat to make up for that?

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 20:31

betterangels · 20/07/2024 20:25

Fiance ...

Show quote history

Even worse!

Screams of "my life is so much better than yours..... why don't you get a cat, you poor lonely woman?.... did I mention my boyfriend, sorry, fiance?"

betterangels · 20/07/2024 20:31

I just think it would be nice for her as realistically, saving up for her own flat in the area we live in will take many years and I'm not saying that nastily but we all know how tough it is out there. Why not have something that could give her some joy in the meantime?

I'm surprised you can't see how patronising this sounds. Apologise to your sister.

betterangels · 20/07/2024 20:32

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 20:31

Even worse!

Screams of "my life is so much better than yours..... why don't you get a cat, you poor lonely woman?.... did I mention my boyfriend, sorry, fiance?"

Show quote history

I know, yeah.

STARCATCHER22 · 20/07/2024 20:32

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 20:31

Even worse!

Screams of "my life is so much better than yours..... why don't you get a cat, you poor lonely woman?.... did I mention my boyfriend, sorry, fiance?"

Show quote history

100%

Posts are definitely giving vibes of mentioning her fiancé at every given moment.

Poor sister is probably thrilled she’s moving out

Twodozenroses · 20/07/2024 20:32

It’s quite random. Why would she want a cat?

dbeuowlxb173939 · 20/07/2024 20:33

It's a bit of a weird thing to say, does she want a cat? If she's never said she want one then people suggesting it is a bit like saying she's a "single cat lady"

AstonMartha · 20/07/2024 20:33

I am 34, just moved out with fiance , he is paying the mortgage which I know I am very fortunate for as I wouldn't be able to move out alone either.

It’s quite unusual that you have both stayed at home well into adulthood and that even at 34 you can’t support yourself in any way.

Lj8893 · 20/07/2024 20:34

Very strange thread.

Why are you not paying towards your mortgage? Why is it up to your DP to pay it all?

feathermucker · 20/07/2024 20:35

Maybe she doesn't want a cat, it could be that simple?!

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 20:35

AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:29

Of course I have heard it. 🙄 Doesn't mean I think she is one, she is just a huge animal lover and I think this would make her happier.

Surely there are single women out there with cats or does she just not get one because people might stereotype her? Because that would be crazy.

Red Wine Ugh GIF by Married At First Sight

So if you've heard it before, you know full well you're being a complete and utter arse!

And yes, we know you have a fiance!

Original poster
AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:36

As I said before, she adores cats and animals. That's why it was suggested. Of course if she didn't then nothing would have been said and I agree that in that case it would be wrong. But that isn't the case here. She cat sits for many people and has done so for many years.
I am out of this. People just being rude and judgemental for the sake of it now. Nothing new there.

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 20/07/2024 20:36

I just think it would be nice for her

Do you know how patronising you sound?

Nousernamesleft224566 · 20/07/2024 20:37

There are connotations to being a 40 year old single woman with a cat. She's probably acutely aware of being a 40 year old single woman living with your parents and you've really insulted her with the suggestion she gets a cat, I'm not sure how you couldn't see that.

Tagyoureit · 20/07/2024 20:38

AutumnalNights · 20/07/2024 20:36

As I said before, she adores cats and animals. That's why it was suggested. Of course if she didn't then nothing would have been said and I agree that in that case it would be wrong. But that isn't the case here. She cat sits for many people and has done so for many years.
I am out of this. People just being rude and judgemental for the sake of it now. Nothing new there.

Bit like you of your sister!

Lj8893 · 20/07/2024 20:38

Have you got a cat OP?

Nousernamesleft224566 · 20/07/2024 20:39

Lj8893 · 20/07/2024 20:38

Have you got a cat OP?

No, she's got a fiancé though.

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