Was I wrong to say this to sister ?

[AutumnalNights]

She is 40, still at home. Works but it's low paid and she is single.
I am 34, just moved out with fiance , he is paying the mortgage which I know I am very fortunate for as I wouldn't be able to move out alone either.
Anyway I suggested sister should get a cat (family are on board) and she seemed really off with me and said 'Why does everyone keep saying that? If I get one it keeps me stuck here in the family home or is that what everyone wants?' Was this insensitive of me ? I just think it would be nice for her as realistically, saving up for her own flat in the area we live in will take many years and I'm not saying that nastily but we all know how tough it is out there. Why not have something that could give her some joy in the meantime ?

I've just realised what I can call my next cat,
'Fiance'.

and you can be sure I'll be bringing that up every chance I get.

Lucky? You've admitted a man is going to be paying your mortgage. I'd be ashamed that I couldn't contribute to putting a roof over my head at the age of 34, I certainly wouldn't be telling people I'm lucky. I wouldn't tell anyone at all!

😂

She's 40 , if she wanted a bloody cat she'd get one

This^
Whatever you are saying now the underlying message from your suggestion: you won’t get a partner or children anyway so at least you will have a cat.
it doesn’t work like this. By the way you and your BF could separate in 2 years and you could be back to parents (as you are not paying mortgage) whereas your sister might find someone, move out, get pregnant and have twins.
So you probably need a cat as well, just in case.

Eh... if she wanted to own a cat, she'd have one surely?

I like horses. I don't have one for a variety of very good reasons, much as I'd love one and it absolutely would be 'something to love' and 'give me joy'... I don't actually want my own horse.

I think it is really patronising and like you're saying 'well there is no hope for you, so get yourself a pet to lavish all the love and attention you won't give to a partner and child, upon'.

This is so weird . Why are you so bothered about your older sister having a cat ? Why do people keep suggesting she gets a cat ? Why have you all just decided that because she’s 40 and living at home she needs a cat ? Why are you so offended that she doesn’t like your suggestion of a cat ? Why do your parents not just get a cat ? Why don’t you have a cat ? Cat . 🐈‍⬛

You come across as insufferably smug.
Living off a man is hardly a badge of honour.

@AutumnalNights There is no difference between your sister's situation and yours. You are both dependent on other people for a roof over your head. Why don't you get a cat?

You were very wrong, OP. You should have suggested she purchase a parrot like the one on insta who whistles September by Earth Wind and Fire while bopping its head.

Seriously though, it is a touch insensitive as you have just moved out with a clearly financially stable partner to support you. Maybe everyone needs to just back off your DSis for a bit.

She is not even married yet. She should worry about her own position frankly.

Of course it was insensitive. Get a cat??? Get a cat yourself if you are that keen on cats. Probably less trouble than a husband.

I agree but I also don’t think you’ve intentionally been insensitive, I think it’s a case of someone wanting to ‘fix’ things for someone else and they don’t want or need that 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I do think you meant well.

It’s very mean of them. Hope you’ve got your revenge since then but if not we are here to help you to choose relevant presents for them this Christmas.

JC I can only imagine the siblings had never properly been single as adults 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry, I agree with all those who say that’s really offensive.

It reminds me of when my sister said, when I was about 35, "Do you think you’ll ever get married?", and my Auntie bought me a "Cooking for One" recipe book.

(I did have a cat, though...)

I'd find that quite patronising. I'm not surprised it irritated her. She's a adult who can decide what she wants for her self

What a horrible thing to say. You might have just as well came out with 'you are a spinster, where is the requisite feature - a cat?' Why is it her business? Oh, the cruelty. I hope she marries well and in doing so outranks you - like in Downton Abbey, and then gives you advice on what you should do as realistically, you won't be able to afford anything else.

It's like saying it's a wrap midlife time to get a cat.

I'm struggling to see how having a cat keeps her stuck in the family home I had five cats in my last rented flat, and three in this one. At one stage, between the three flats here (all rented) there were nine cats.

Even if it does keep her at home - she's 40, if she really wanted to move out she would have done so by now so I can't see her moving during a cat's lifetime.

It was merely a suggestion.

Boy MN is a weird place at times. Suggesting someone gets a cat inspiring all this drama. 🙄

It was the insult because of the context otherwise to have a cat is pure joy whatever age and sex you are.

I'm not sure I believe that comment was as innocent as you're saying it is, OP.

There's no way you haven't heard the stereotype of single women with cats?!

Agree that you sound 'smug married'.

@ForGreyKoala the issue is there's a stereotype of single cat lady which is seen as a negative in society so it's actually quite offensive . If her sister was married would she have suggested she get a cat?

Don’t give out advice or suggestions.

She didn’t ask for it.

People get sick of ‘free advice’ and suggestions!