Was I wrong to say this to sister ?

[AutumnalNights]

She is 40, still at home. Works but it's low paid and she is single.
I am 34, just moved out with fiance , he is paying the mortgage which I know I am very fortunate for as I wouldn't be able to move out alone either.
Anyway I suggested sister should get a cat (family are on board) and she seemed really off with me and said 'Why does everyone keep saying that? If I get one it keeps me stuck here in the family home or is that what everyone wants?' Was this insensitive of me ? I just think it would be nice for her as realistically, saving up for her own flat in the area we live in will take many years and I'm not saying that nastily but we all know how tough it is out there. Why not have something that could give her some joy in the meantime ?

Some would argue that a cat that lives for 20 years is a longer commitment than a fiancé to pay the mortgage…

Has the OP got a fiance who pays the mortgage? She didn't mention it.

Nasty piece of trouble making you’ve done here, OP.

Very patronising. Im sure if she wanted a cat she'd know how to get one!

@AutumnalNights If you were genuinely interested in responses about why she might be annoyed with you, then you have a lot of useful information - a win, surely?

Oh and all the men on mumsnet are so great ...we need to stop this judging and looking to bag a man ...grouse are they? Jesus.Jane Austen with tech.but a basic income and large pods would ensure we all have a home and maybe can meet others in security rather than this desperation.leave her alone and as foe the go getters comment shame on you poster.life is hard.shpw compassion.you ont know what's going to happen to you!

😂😂

It was insensitive and you do need to apologise if you haven't already.

Your partner covers your mortgage and you are lucky and you know that anyway. But how you would you feel in your sisters shoes, you don't know how she's feeling atm . I'm not jumping on the bandwagon but I have to be honest you asked.

It's a lesson learned. Take her out for a drink or something and don't mention cats again.

I knew i was hearing this in a voice...... Violet Elizabeth Bott.

Sometimes we say something with no ill-intent and either get it wrong or accidentally hit on a sore spot. It happens.

"Sorry, I clearly put my foot in my mouth a bit there." And then you move on.

While your intentions are perceived as caring by you, I would say you are off because you are telling her what is good for her and concerning yourself with her outcomes to an excessive degree, evidenced by telling her to get something she does not want as compensation for not being able to afford to move out. She is her own person. If she is complaining about not being able to afford to move out then just listen to her and let her vent. That's all any of us can do when things are going negative for someone. You can ask her if she needs an accountability partner for any savings plan she might have towards moving out money and ask her to be yours for whatever financial goal you have- that way it is a partnership and not one adult parenting the other.

If she talks to much to your disliking about moving out then just listen for a minute, commiserate with her for another minute and then either change the subject or leave the conversation. She will eventually find you not a captive audience and stop, well hopefully she will.

And now you are married...oh thank God.f....bridget f...g jones and that sick culture .. why didn't you challenge their offensive gifts.

So she knows cats exist. She knows the concept of having them as pets (or in the case of cats, them having you as pets) exists. If she wants to get a cat, she'll get a fucking cat. She doesn't needs your 'helpful' suggestion.
People are rude and judgemental. You were to your sister. You can flounce off and whine about the mean girls to your mortgage paying fiance, or you can apologise to your sister for upsetting her with your comments.

If she's 40 and still living with parents, assuming she's paying a peppercorn rent, she had enough years to save up for a place of her own

Did you think the cat would make up for you not being there anymore?

Exactly this.

However not sure the sister has that much to be smug about, not married yet, & she certainly hasn’t managed to get herself financially out of her parents home. She knows exactly why her sister was pissed off. Her poor sister who needs enemies when you have family like her.

But wouldn't she get one if she wanted one?

Why does she need it suggested?

Weird how many people buy into the stereotype of the single woman with a cat. I’m single and have a cat but you wouldn’t call me a sweet little old lady if you met me!

I thought this too 😳
if only there was a name for people who exchange money (mortgage) for sex…

I had cats my whole adult life didn’t care 2 hoots what people thought, got to 50 ish & got a dog.

Sorry but that was a very weird thing to suggest. Nobody should be telling someone else what they “should” do unless they have specifically asked for your help or suggestions.

Very OTT reactions on this thread. All of you who are berating the OP must clearly think there’s something shameful in being a single woman in your 30’s/40’s with, shock, horror, a cat, or you wouldn’t see OP’s suggestion as such an insult. You are all the ones who brought up the tired, sexist Crazy Cat Lady trope.

I got a cat when single in my 30’s - it wasn’t because I was a Crazy Cat Lady. Funnily enough it was because I like cats! People at the time, knowing my love of cats, had suggested to me that I got one; should I have been offended by this?

I’m married with a family now - so I suppose that means it’s now ok for me to have a cat! Phew! I’ve also suggested to my (single, fellow-cat loving) brother that he get a cat; he didn’t seem offended but of course it’s acceptable for men to have cats; only single women are shamed for it.

Single women are allowed to have cats FFS!

Not the point at all of the thread but its insane to me, I'm a year older than op, but how i was able to move out at 16 to admittedly a massive shithole but it was independence, but then I've got friends my age and older who have been saving for years and still live at home, they're unable to afford property and rent is so expensive where they live they'd just never have a life.
Shitty situation for so many people. I knew a fella once who had a house he couldn't sell so he raffled it off. But again, shocking condition house and area wasn't exactly Notting Hill. I do think unless you're prepared to live somewhere that makes Gotham city look like Dorset, if you're single and a low/mid earner, you're pretty fucked.

Op, you didn't mean to hurt her feelings, write her a wee card saying you're sorry with some chocolates. I keep trying to convince everyone I know to get a cat because I want one but one DC is allergic to cat hair. She might be feeling sensitive if it's suggested alot. 💔

And if she does get a cat, I'd like a picture update!

Did you think the cat would make up for you not being there anymore?

:)