To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

[Thegreatprocrastinator001]

So my DD has been with her bf for 2 years and they are close but also have their own social lives. They're due to go abroad together to stay with family in a week. Today DD is saying she won't go and never wants to speak to him again bc she found out, but checking account histories, that at he looked up porn after she'd told him he shouldn't as it makes her insecure. I get she's annoyed that he lied but she's saying it's like cheating, that she can't trust him and she wants to break up with him. I know porn in general is exploitative with negative messages about sex but I really feel she doesn't appreciate most boys do look up porn - girls too probably - and that it could just be about sexual curiosity.

I don't think she snooped I think she demanded to see his phone, which also shouldn't happen.

I can't believe you think that your job as a parent (dad, right?) is to train your daughter to be a compliant wife.

Just back off. And be proud of her that against all odds, given how you've tried to raise her, she can stick up for herself with a boy.

@SoreAndTired1 Men who have a high sex drive can get themselves off without watching porn, you know....

Well yes that's true, by thinking about a coworker, acquaintance, or friend.

But isn't that worse than looking at porn? If a man wanks by thinking about a woman he knows, that woman hasn't consented. Whereas a woman who poses naked for a camera has done so on the understanding that men will view it for sexual gratification.

Whenever I read about discussions like this, there is always an implied assumption that a man or woman's life is of higher value than an animal's life or the environment.

I'm not saying that assumption is wrong... but why is it right either? All I am saying here is that I have never actually heard any convincing logical or ethical argument as to why a human life is worth more than an animal's.

If you were in a burning building and you can save a hamster or a baby but not both who would you save? Your answer will tell you the reason, you instinctively know the value of human life.

Actually if your partner ends up with all sorts of health problems due to smoking and you end up being the one to pick up the peices then it does involve you as the partner. What you said is silly. Smoking causes lung cancer. My husband has already had two scares so I can safely say smoking does affect your partner. Lots of ppl have an issue with smoking and has no relevance to trying to control someone.

That doesn't show I "instinctively" know the value of human life. People's behaviours are not just instinctive, but learned also. But is it right that people learn that human lives are worth more than other lives? Well I don't know, but I've never heard a compelling argument as to why humans are worth more than animals.

Though I will not be discussing further after this comment as this will go off-topic.

Yes I am aware. It's still only a sex life half lived imo.

I don't like hamsters but if it were kitten Vs baby it depends

Don't engage with the herberts/incels, they LOVE it so they do. 🤩

Weird comment. Nothing has been written in this discussion thread to suggest that anyone is an incel.

IPMSL !

Because presumably you consented

Are you so stupid you don't see the difference?

Or are you just enjoying being goady?

Why do you deny the capacity of the thousands of women who choose to act in pornography? Do you know better?

To respond to the original question, I applaud the DD for her views and standing up for them. I'd be ashamed if my mum thought as the OP does.

And if a woman takes a picture, or makes a video, of herself when she's naked and uploads it to the internet, is that not also consent?

Why do you feel you need porn in order to have a full sex life? What is lacking between you and your partner that you feel porn MUST be a part of it?

You applaud the dd for being insecure? If you read the op that was the reason she objected. Not much to applaud tbh.

Do you think people never took dirty photos of each other pre-smartphones? Jesus, me and DH were doing this 30 years ago! 😂

So you don't think a 17 year old upholding her boundaries which she has already set out in the relationship is something to be applauded?

Is that all that constitutes porn?

And she's pretty daft as those pictures may well come back to haunt her one day

Do you deny that many of them haven't consented?

This, with bells on.

@Nanny0gg Is that all that constitutes porn?

No, but there's nothing that's really standard in porn. It constitutes many different kinds of videos and images.

And she's pretty daft as those pictures may well come back to haunt her one day

Doubtful. They're only images. I can think of a thousand things that are a million times worse than having a naked photograph or video of myself online.

Hate to say this but, there seems to be a higher proportion of people believing their men never watch porn than I believe true. I work for an internet provider and we are able to categorise what is being accessed by customers in terms of popularity. Pornhub is constantly in the top 5 video sites. So a lot of people are certainly watching it!

I don’t particularly believe that many men abstain from porn. How frequently are they having sex with their partners? Because if it’s not every day or two, they will probably be filling in the gaps themselves - and with porn!