To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

[Thegreatprocrastinator001]

So my DD has been with her bf for 2 years and they are close but also have their own social lives. They're due to go abroad together to stay with family in a week. Today DD is saying she won't go and never wants to speak to him again bc she found out, but checking account histories, that at he looked up porn after she'd told him he shouldn't as it makes her insecure. I get she's annoyed that he lied but she's saying it's like cheating, that she can't trust him and she wants to break up with him. I know porn in general is exploitative with negative messages about sex but I really feel she doesn't appreciate most boys do look up porn - girls too probably - and that it could just be about sexual curiosity.

You don't believe women who say they don't like porn, really? JFC! I think women who claim to "like" porn are brainwashed saddos but hey...

The point is that your daughter asked him to respect her and he refused.

You can waffle all you want about relative evils, blah, blah blah. None of it changes the fact that he decided to disrespect her and she stood up for herself.

It's really not. What IS odd is claiming to not believe any woman can not like porn.

I mean maybe they don't like sex at all. I don't really think people with a big array of Rules are very fun in general.

If that's a boundary that they have agreed upon, she's absolutely doing the right thing standing her ground and you should be very proud of her. She shouldn't have to settle for less just because "most boys do it"

And what possible reason could there be for a woman to not like sex at all? Hmmm it's a mystery, isn't it?

Are you in a monogamous relationship?

He’s a child, he’s as much a victim as anyone else in this situation and should be getting help not judgment

How is he a victim? Seriously!

You know this is just one rule, right?

You seem to really lack imagination in some aspects yet have a wild one in others.

Your boundaries aren't hers. When I had my first bf his porn habits made me feel insecure. I've grown up a lot now, and don't mind what my now-bf watches (well, you know what I mean), but that doesn't make my feelings back then any less valid.

At 17, your DD’s boyfriend is very impressionable. They have been together for two years so were, and still are very young. Porn introduces people to aspects of sex that are very extreme and can lead to unwanted scenarios in relationships.

Your DD has clear boundaries and the boyfriend has chosen to break that boundary. Good on her for sticking by her principles, it will stand her well throughout her life.

It's a rule that requires only looking at one ageing naked body as a source of sexual pleasure for the rest of your life! That's pretty all encompassing.

Well, I guess you could be non porn polyamorous. But this seems niche.

Not sure I understood how she found this out, but it sounds like she crossed some boundaries by checking his personal accounts browsing history. Not that it’s necessarily your business either but maybe have a word about whether it’s ok to do that. I would let her know that it’s ok to end a relationship for whatever reason that makes her uncomfortable and that you support her. But that she won’t be able to tell anyone they’re not allowed to watch porn, she can only decide if that’s a dealbreaker for her.

I'm even more convinced of this after op's updates.

The thing about not buying gold because of the gold miners in the jungle abusing women was a real reach.

Op, we are not going to validate your choices here. Go to reddit. You will not convince us that buying a wedding ring or a phone with a small amount of precious metals, is at all ethically comparable to supporting the porn industry. Give up.

Oh, you're having us on now. Anyone in a relationship has some rules. Monogamy, and the details of how to conduct open relationships, are rules. And everyone has preferences or behaviour that make other people incompatible as sexual or romantic partners. For example, many people have that someone not be a misogynist, not a rapist, not a liar, not a porn addict on their list of unacceptable behaviour.

I personally don't find people who find televised sexual exploitation to be very fun. Each to their own.

It is a bit weird though (on the off chance you're being genuine, which I'm starting to doubt) that you really can't imagine that some women really don't like porn. It would do absolutely nothing for me, on any level. I actually don't find watching other people have sex a turn on. And I certainly don't find the clinical and choreographed exploitative sex of pornos a turn on. It's such a ridiculous thing to insist everyone like. Imagine someone very into anime tentacle prob absolutely insisting that everyone must like it. That's how this feels.

What a silly thing to say when she’s actively asked her mum for advice. Why are you being so obtuse?!

Are you incapable of conjuring up images in your head? Do you lack that much creativity that you HAVE to see a naked body physically in order to be turned on? How sad, and limiting.

Don't rubbish your Daughters morals.

Can you explain wherw I've done this? I'm actually sad that so many people on here don't know how to value everyone's opinions respectfully even when they don't align

@OptimismvsRealism I could direct you to wide range of very sexy erotic literature if you like?

Thank you so much for this really helpful advice... I don't think she snooped I think she demanded to see his phone, which also shouldn't happen. I'm going to follow your advice if she wants to talk again. She's still working through it at the mo and I think she needs some space to think x

You are way too invested in your dds private life.

@Megifer No his phone is a smartphone. He just can't use it for anything other than work and calls/whatsapp

So it's a work phone. But no one can stop him from using it for other purposes.

Dirty magazines 🤣🤣🤣 good one. I dont even know how I'd feel about those tbh, apart from wondering if I'd been transported back to 1985.

I'm not sure why you're laughing. Dirty magazines are still in production, so there's nothing to stop people buying and looking at them.

Looking at dirty magazines was basically the only way we could know what women's bodies looked like before the internet existed.