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AIBU?

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He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

1000 replies

Onceuponacookie · 18/07/2024 20:24

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

OP posts:
6hourdrive · 19/07/2024 19:58

Hope all went well today 🤞

carly2803 · 19/07/2024 20:24

good on you OP getting him out now and not letting this drag on!

dont let him talk you out of this in promises "he will pay/he will change" hes got a temper and he sounds like a dick- get rid!!!

Onehappymam · 19/07/2024 20:26

Well done for kicking his arse into touch.

If he changes his tune and offers to contribute, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.

He’s shown his true colours and he’s obviously a manipulative fucker. Don’t trust him again.

Zanatdy · 19/07/2024 20:27

Well done OP!

peachesarenom · 19/07/2024 20:27

How did it go?

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/07/2024 20:30

Really hoping he just slung his hook without fuss.

I expect he chucked a tantrum about 'but where will I go' and 'you can't do this to me, I've got rights' etc etc (he hasn't and who the fuck cares!).

Shinyandnew1 · 19/07/2024 20:32

How you’re ok, OP. How did it go this afternoon?

MamaSleep · 19/07/2024 20:36

You’ve been very brave. Well done, OP

Catpuss66 · 19/07/2024 20:40

Well done OP we’ve all been there.

TillyBilly29 · 19/07/2024 20:55

Well done OP, not only was he a cocklodger, he sounded like he was going to get very abusive, very quickly! On the plus side of him not giving you any money, is that he has no legal right to stay there, so you can thrown him out, like the unwanted guest he is!

alseb · 19/07/2024 20:57

He’s been there 6 weeks and is criticising how your children live in their home? What’s he like towards them when you’re not there? Get rid asap. Red flag!

Efrogwraig · 19/07/2024 20:58

Well done. Good decisive action. It will be hard but wow! You've done it.
#GoGirl!

Iamawomenphenominally · 19/07/2024 21:00

I hope he went quietly OP. Good for you for packing his bags!

Have a relaxed weekend if you can. Don't be embarrassed you let him move in, be proud you kicked him out swiftly when he thought he had his feet under the table.

Swimcoffee · 19/07/2024 21:20

This is awful and so wrong on so many levels!!! Hope you are ok xx

DoriST33 · 19/07/2024 21:20

I’m sorry but he is clearly using you to live for free and treating you as a maid on top of that. Glad you kicked him out! What a terrible example for the children as well! Take care x

TennisLady · 19/07/2024 21:23

Thank god you’ve kicked him out OP. Hope you’re safe and doing OK.

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/07/2024 21:25

Well done you, op! What a CF, I can’t believe some men! Sorry you went through that, but so glad you have got rid! Onwards and upwards

Omlettes · 19/07/2024 21:55

I do hope you let us know that you are safe and what happened?

Fourfurrymonsters · 19/07/2024 22:09

I’m going to echo pretty much everyone else…get him gone, pronto. He’s an arsehole.

EnglishBluebell · 19/07/2024 22:10

@Onceuponacookie Are you ok, OP?

newfriend05 · 19/07/2024 22:10

How are things OP , hope your ok

ClairDeLaLune · 19/07/2024 22:12

Fantastic update, well done OP, you’re awesome. And I apologise for what I said yesterday.

TheDogdidGood · 19/07/2024 22:17

You're amazing! Well done. Hope it all went well x

Luddite26 · 19/07/2024 22:32

Cocklodger cheeky fuckers.
Hope you are ok OP.

CrazyChefDoDoDoDoDoDo · 19/07/2024 22:40

Please don't be embarrassed. If you told me the story as it is on here I would say well done! Good job kicking him out as soon as you saw he was trying to take you for a ride. Absolutely no shame in how you've arrived at this and are sorting it. Genuinely I'm impressed!

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