He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

God what a cocklodger, glad to see you are chucking him out

Get rid asap

Reread the OP.

They did have the conversation before he moved in and he agreed to contribute, and then backed out of that agreement once he moved in.

OP-you know what you need to do. Kick him out. Sod any promises of an equal 50/50 partnership when your kids turn 18-that's a pipe dream, and you know it. This asswipe of a man is looking and has found a free ride and is laughing at you right now.

He's pocketing all his money that he's saving from having to pay bills, and doing so with a cheeky smirk on his face because he knows he's taking you for a mug.

Get him out. Today. And don't listen to any promises that he'll improve. He showed his hand when he refused to contribute. That's who he is-anything else is bluster to keep you where he wants you and remain where he is.

Or even just the OP's posts. It's not difficult, and avoids making you look a trifle silly.

Well done OP they do do you never really know someone until you live with them.

Which is what she's been doing today. Packing his stuff and having the lock changed. The manchild will be back at his parents house idiot.

A woman after my own heart.

A huge well done @Onceuponacookie

I hope you have a restful weekend where you realise you are free of this loser.

I honestly can’t believe this has happened. He was a different person before this. So generous and good with the kids. Tendency to sulk and be a moody at times but overall the positives far outweighed the bad.

dont ignore the bad parts in future.

I feel so embarrassed
dont be. Be honest. He moved in and immediately refused to do any housework or pay a penny. Nobody would blame you.

Don't feel stupid, far from it, Cocklodger decided not to keep his word.
Make sure you get his key back.
Block his number & sigh a massive sigh of relief that you dealt with it.

This ^

W

Just a observation. My DH earns a quarter of my salary and when DC were small I said give the job up. He was horrified and would not live off a woman. As the years have gone on he has earned more and now I am fully disabled and may have to retire. My dad use to call sponging men ponces. I met a few at uni.
Please do a second thread if need be to update us. We are all cheering you on. He probably love bombed you. There is a Jane Fallon book about CL.

@Onceuponacookie wow - you are a lady who means business. Massive round of applause for what you have done. He actually sounds abusive - all the ‘good behaviour’ then suddenly flipping his attitude, with the temper and the moodiness etc etc.

Really recommend you read the Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That? before you get into another relationship. Don’t feel bad - I knew my ex four years before he moved in… when they don’t live with you it’s far too easy for them to keep their true character hidden.

Well done for taking back control.

This, my goodness he sounds awful. Total freeloader.

Cocklodger! Get rid ASAP for your and your children's sanity.

@Onceuponacookie How are you doing? Have you told him yet and got all his stuff away to his parents house? I hope so.

Also hoping that he doesn't kick off and damage the house while you aren't there. ( like kick in the front door, or smash windows)

Thinking about you

Hope you are ok op and got him out without too much drama x

Run as fast as you can.

Go girl.

How did it go, OP? I hope that freeloading prick didn't give you too much grief. Wishful thinking I suspect.

If you have a Mesher order get legal advice.

Kick the sponger out immediately.

This isn't a red flag. This is red bunting.

Hope today went okay.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. Well done for getting the plans in place to move him out.

It's 100% the right decision OP. I hope it goes well. Be kind to yourself.