To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

[LookAtThatCritter]

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

😂😂

YANBU. He can nap on sofa in day fcol...its not night time.

Wow, I didn't know there was such an issue with napping! I often have an afternoon snooze at the weekend!

Maybe there is something wrong with him. Lots of adults have health conditions that cause fatigue. I often need to nap because of a chronic health condition. I also work full-time so I’m contributing to our finances, but I was very ill earlier this year and signed off, and slept a lot in the afternoons.

Sorry I think you’re the unreasonable one here. It’s a BEDroom first and foremost. It’s his bed. If he needs to use it then that’s primarily what the room is for. Where do you eat? Do you have a kitchen table? I enjoy a nap now and again but I cannot sleep on a sofa. I just can’t. My brain won’t allow me to switch off. You know when people say they nod off watching a film?? Well I could never ever do this. My brain wouldn’t allow me to sleep there. I’m not saying your husband is the same as me, but I think it would be better for you to work somewhere else and for him to use the bedroom as intended. Is it possible you just resent him napping and don’t want to be confronted with a visual of something that irks you?

Maybe he just prefers to sleep that way and he has no chronic illnesses, in most of the world it's entirely normal to have an afternoon nap. Maybe he likes to stay up late and get up early and makes up the time with a nap, or maybe he just functions better if he gets 12 hrs sleep a day. We still have a weird attachment to puritanical ideals where sleeping when you are tired is considered some sort of moral failing.

You're most likely a woman, so that's allowed on here.

What an ass.

You're earning a living. Presumably one that also facilitates his lifestyle.

He can nap elsewhere.

If you put a lock on the door he's just going to keep knocking or talking and interrupting you until you let him in. Would a screan work so you can block the view if the bed? You can buy quite them cheap.

I think I'm unreasonable as its the napping that would annoy me rather than where he is napping. Id be resentful that I was working full time whilst he was part time and had time in his day for a lovely litte sleep. But I think thats my issue!

Mn is so weird about wfh. Anyone who wfh should be able to do so unhindered and dh napping in the same room is totally inappropriate. You surely adapt around the needs of your household. Dh uses our study for music practice in the evenings. If he started doing it in the day when I’m working I’d be really cross… thankfully he’s more thoughtful and supportive of my career than some mnetters appear to be.

Agree about the napping being annoying - why does he need to sleep in the middle of the day? I’d be kicking him out of the bedroom in your situation too OP

YANBU. He benefits from your salary so should respect your need for privacy. Why is he napping during the day anyway? If he worked full time he wouldn't have that luxury. Is he just lazy?

No they wouldn't. What posters DO say when the sexes are reversed is that equipment and work should be kept out of communal areas so others can use the lounge and kitchen so advise the female OP to ask if her dh or dp would go in the bedroom.

I don't understand his thinking at all. Do you work full time and he work part time @LookAtThatCritter ? Is your wage necessary for keeping the household afloat? If so, he needs to respect that and allow you some privacy to do your job. I wouldn't dream of doing that if my OH was working in a room and he wouldn't either. I'd let him get on with it as I'm sure other considerate people would.
People are so against doing the smallest thing to make someone else's life a little more easier these days aren't they?

I'm also torn. His behaviour is shitty and childish but why? Is he inconsiderate or is he making a point (poorly) about being able to use his house?

Is this a job that was always fully home based or has this changed? I think this is important. Was it a thing you both agreed on?

I had a fully WFH job but had a home office so it didn't impact anyone else in the house unless we had guests. But that was still something that was agreed with my partner.

If it's impacting you both then maybe you need to think about another solution. I'd be very unhappy about my bedroom also being an office.

The OP in this thread isn't directly comparable, but the difference in the general tone toward the OP's DH wfh is striking: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5049279-to-be-a-bit-horrified-by-dhs-suggestion-that-he-works-from-home-ft

Genuinely, is he alright? Has he ever had his thyroid/iron/b12 etc checked?

This thread is peak MN on double standards

We all know that if this was OP posting she couldn't use the bedroom during her none working days because DH was WFH there then she'd be told he was unreasonable, it's their house not an office... there'd be very few comments calling her lazy and telling her to get a full time job.

She might still get some crap for napping because MN is weird about it but less than a man would

OP - you want to separate work from home life? Don't work at home. Find a hot desk venue, use a booked room in the library, use a coffee shop in a quiet corner

OP - if you are wfh permanently and FT, you need to get a home with suitable space or go out to office. Sorry, but work must be done professionally and that means having a proper office space.

I voted YABU because it’s a bedroom, not an office and a home is a home first. That said, I would be incredibly distracted by this and explain to him. It would be nice if he decided to nap on the sofa but I don’t think you can dictate that.

If he's in the bedroom you could equally use the sofa?

I don't think it's reasonable to expect him not to use his own bedroom. If he wanted to go for a run (since some people are taking exception to napping) would he be able to come in and change or would this be a problem as well?

At the end of the day it is not professional for him to be your work space no matter where it is.
So your options are you work outside of the home or you agree that between X-Y hrs that he treats your work space as a no go. Both me and my partner work from home. Him in our spare room 4 days a week, me in our bedroom twice a week when the door is closed we don't enter each other's work space. For a short period when I used to work in the kitchen everytime he wanted to make a tea or have lunch (his right) I would have to not take calls and close down screens as part of my working from home obligations (client data) as I had said I had a private space to work.

At the end of the day you need to work to bring in an income. If you are not able to work outside of the home for whatever reason then you need to have a no go space in the house and he needs to respect that as part of the commitment you've made to work from home.

There are a thousand reasons why he could need a nap

Why can't you work on the sofa and he gets the bedroom. You know - the bedroom, with a bed, that's a designated sleeping area?

Why’s he sleeping while you’re working?!

Why not?