To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

[LookAtThatCritter]

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

If she set up in the living room he'd probably come in and turn on the TV.

Yep, this!

Agree

You're working in the bedroom, he's not sleeping in your office (and I have the same set up as you).

Because that's so easy 🙄. I have no choice but to work from home 3 days a week, there is no one else in the office so I'm not allowed in alone. I don't want to move to a home with suitable space and even if I did, I can't afford to. If my company have taken the decision that we have to work from home they have to accept that I live in a one bed flat and therefore DH will be around as it's his home.

They work round each other.

At the moment the system is that the OP unlaterally expects to have the bedroom between 9 and 5 (or whenever). However, if he wants the bedroom for a nap between 2 and 3, then she accommodates this by relocating to the lounge at this time.

Doubt that will happen....it would mean getting back into the workplace

This is the flip side of wfh which so many people think is brilliant. If you don't have a bespoke office space and/or there are other people at home during the day, you either have to compromise or accept wfh isn't possible for you.

We recently had the "pleasure" of trying to manage 4 of us wfh to different schedules. It needs a huge amount of patience and compromise. You can't just set up in a space that works for you and expect everyone else in the household to lump it.

I nap in our bedroom while my husband works in the same room sometimes. He has never said it bothers him. But if he did I would just go nap somewhere else.

Why is he napping?

Is the communication that bad between you that you can’t just ask him to nap on the sofa?
Why is it such a big deal?

DH works from home in a section of our bedroom. I consider it out of bounds when he is working and respect his space.

I love a nap. Every time I WFH I have a nap over my lunch and every weekend too. Makes my life better

To clarify a few points

It's definitely the only space that I can use. I have to use multiple screens as well and I don't work from a laptop so it's not like I can take my work and sit on the couch to give him space for napping. I don't have an office I can go to, and with the nature of my work/equipment I also can't go work from Starbucks or from the library etc.

We discussed the set up before I took the job and he didn't have any issues with it. The benefits outweigh the annoyance of having to work from a bedroom, and hopefully we'll get to move somewhere bigger soon.

He's not being a lazy by napping - he actually has had a busy day (house stuff + work) and we have a toddler so we're both tired all the time lol. To be clear - I'm not bothered about the nap. I'm just bothered about it being while I'm trying to work and concentrate.

I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable before I mentioned it to him, but as it's been pretty split I just went ahead and mentioned it nicely. He said he's sorry, he didn't realise it bothered me and if he does nap in the day he'll make sure to do it on the couch from now on. So thank you for all your opinions (even the slightly rude ones 😜)

I think he is being a cf. So rude having a nap on a bed while someone is trying to work.

I must really be a pushover as when husband had to WFH it didn't bother me at all that he worked in our room.

I could still pop in & out if necessary & he would give notice if needing to lock the door for a call or to give a presentation.

Never occurred to me that me wanting to nap in bed might be more important than him needing to work.

This is a really tricky one OP, sorry.

You both have competing needs and it is t that one’s more important than the other. It is primarily his home.

Could you have a system where you “swap” rooms. For example he could come in and say “mind swapping” and you could have a small area to go to work in the main lounge area. This could be a folding table and chair that you just get out for this purpose. Or maybe you already have a table?

would that work?

Exactly. Hardly his problem for being in his own bedroom!

"there is no one else in the office so I'm not allowed in alone. "

What? Which law does this come under? What is the workplace specified in your contract?

He works part time and needs a nap in the day …. is he 80? Weird behaviour.

Yanbu......my oh is similar as in when he is off work and I'm working from home in the dining room he thinks it's acceptable to come and chit chat and "mock" me when I'm in meetings.....he just doesn't understand that I'm working....(which is also why the housework/dinner etc isn't done when he gets home).......can he not kip on the sofa? It is normal working hours and he knows you work from home!

He said he's sorry, he didn't realise it bothered me and if he does nap in the day he'll make sure to do it on the couch from now on.

Good result OP.

But if napping person wants to use kitchen and living room, you cannot expect working one to shuffle around whenever someone wants tea, tv, food etc.!

Naps can surelly be done on sofa unless you are recivering from a major surgery.
Maybe her DH would not need bed during the day if he gets himself fulltime job.

My employer has this rule......normally for individuals who have special requirements such as deafness, epilepsy etc. It's a duty of care.

...my oh is similar as in when he is off work and I'm working from home in the dining room he thinks it's acceptable to come and chit chat and "mock" me when I'm in meetings.....

I'm not sure that that is similar at all.