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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

337 replies

LookAtThatCritter · 17/07/2024 19:25

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 17/07/2024 19:40

I am 50/50.

It is his home and someone WFH shouldn't make it hard for other family members to use their own home in the way it was intended.

But having said that, why is he constantly napping? My DH does, but he does have a condition that flares up and feeling tired is part of the condition.

If he is not unwell, then I hope he has prepped dinner and sorted the laundry.

However, I would be annoyed if it was happening frequently. It is a bit rude and thoughtless of him.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 17/07/2024 19:41

I'm not sure - whenever someone posts on here complaining that her DH is wfh and wants her to (for example) keep the children quiet, all the answers firmly say that it's a home first, and if he has an issue he needs to go back to the office.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/07/2024 19:41

I don't you are being unreasonable here.

The bedroom sounds like the only place for privacy. If you were working in the living room, you would be even more in the way.

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:41

What if he gets sick and needs to be in bed?

FateReset · 17/07/2024 19:42

I would hate to have someone using my bedroom as an office! Surely it's not the only place you can work from. What's your long term plan?

Bedrooms are for sleeping. A bed is far more comfortable and ergonomical than the sofa!

Sounds like he's fed up with this set up, especially if you're disruptive to sleep with early starts and late meetings.

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:42

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 17/07/2024 19:41

I'm not sure - whenever someone posts on here complaining that her DH is wfh and wants her to (for example) keep the children quiet, all the answers firmly say that it's a home first, and if he has an issue he needs to go back to the office.

I know.... but it's mumsnet where men are hated

Renamed · 17/07/2024 19:43

Just counting up all the posts on here where a woman goes and sleeps in the room where her partner is working ..,, none, I think

HucklefinBerry · 17/07/2024 19:43

keylimedog · 17/07/2024 19:28

Hmmmm I'm sort of 50/50 - I do genuinely think that your home is your home first and foremost, if you're wfh then anyone just using the house as a home should really be able to use it as they want without having to give way for wfh. If my DH was working from home and was preventing me from using my house however I wanted to during my own day I would be a bit put out, it's my home not an office.

If you're going to be wfh for a long time it would be worth creating a separate working space in the house, it isn't a great idea to be doing it in your bedroom!

Seeing that he is only working part time, they both need the finances the OP is bringing in.

The home is a home AND a work place now. And they both need it to work this way as they both are relying on the income.

If he is napping, he could nap on the sofa. For reasons the OP hasn't detailed but has stated, the only place she can work is the bedroom.

If they have no more space and he is only working part time then presumably they won't have the money to rent an office somewhere.

If it was a hobby I would agree with you but it's not. It's their livelihood.

ThereIsIron · 17/07/2024 19:44

I'm struggling to understand why a grown man who doesn't work full time needs a "nap" 🙄

HucklefinBerry · 17/07/2024 19:45

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:31

It's his home too

I would prefer to nap on the bed rather than the sofa

He's not doing any thing wrong at all

Perhaps he should go work full time so they could afford for the op to rent an office somewhere.

If he needs the OPs income then he needs to not be an arse and make it easier for her.

Nap on the sofa

HangingOver · 17/07/2024 19:45

I'm struggling to understand why a grown man who doesn't work full time needs a "nap" 🙄

Some people just need more sleep. I've only been working mornings the past few months and have a short sleep after lunch most days.

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:46

Maybe his part time wage equals her full time wage 🤷‍♀️

Zanatdy · 17/07/2024 19:46

well first and foremost it’s a bedroom so he’s not unreasonable napping. I’d only ask him to stop if he was in view of the camera or snoring. Otherwise it’s not much of a distraction. My desk is in a heavy traffic area in my flat and I’ve had to get used to distractions, blurred background and headphones limits any disruption to others. Someone napping on the sofa behind me wouldn’t bother me at all

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 17/07/2024 19:46

Jesus Christ, he’s so unreasonable to do that. What the fuck is he thinking?

HucklefinBerry · 17/07/2024 19:46

@Tartfulodger

You mean so he can lock her out and live a normal life? Yeah I agree..
Or he could get off his arse and get a full time job.

He's relying on her for her income. The very least he could do is help facilitate that.

dcsp · 17/07/2024 19:48

Wafflefudge · 17/07/2024 19:32

I'm 50/50 too.
It is his home and he should be able to access the bedroom as required and use it as a home.
I wouldn't be able to nap on a sofa.
Could you have a foldable desk in living room.
Is there any availability of working in office. Just wondering if there are ways of limiting the time where there's a conflict.

I'm also 50/50, but for me the tie-breaker is what came first.

OP, when you started working from the bedroom, was he already at home during the working day some weekdays, and sometimes took a nap in his bedroom?

Or was it already established as your working space and then after that the napping started?

Or have both been happening for as long as you've been in the house (or since some other change has removed a dedicated workspace)? If so, how long is that and what discussion was there prior to that?

GuinnessBird · 17/07/2024 19:48

It's his home too.

And in every thread where the woman moans that her husband is working from home the whole thread practically screeches that he needs to work in an office.

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 17/07/2024 19:48

Based on a previous thread about your H, OP, he sounds vile.

Heronwatcher · 17/07/2024 19:48

Sorry OP I think you are being unreasonable. It’s his home. I find it genuinely impossible to nap on a sofa.

If the work you’re doing is so confidential that you can’t do it in the lounge when he needs a nap I think you should be in the office. But I don’t get this point anyway, if it’s really confidential surely doing it in the bedroom with him sleeping in the bed would be just as problematic (if not more so) than if you just moved to the lounge?

Ratisshortforratthew · 17/07/2024 19:49

The rage some people get when an adult having a nap is mentioned is hilarious. He is not BU to use a bedroom to sleep in, or to want to nap. My partner and I live in a tiny flat and I WFH but I’ve just crammed a tiny desk in the living area. It’s less than 50m sq in there. If I can do it, so can you. Let the man nap in peace (or go to a cafe or co working space)

TinyYellow · 17/07/2024 19:49

It’s a bedroom not an office. The whole room’s purpose for existence is sleep. Not work.

Grabembythepussy · 17/07/2024 19:50

Would be great on a zoom call with him farting away then getting up mid call.

JustPleachy · 17/07/2024 19:50

I presume you can’t just go to the office? Also that presumably you both need your income, and both agreed to this arrangement where you would work from home?

in which case YANBU.

(if you could work in the office, or he didn’t agree to the arrangement, they YABU)

Ponderingwindow · 17/07/2024 19:51

He needs to give you one dedicated room during working hours. If he doesn’t want it to be the bedroom, then it could be someplace else possibly, but your explanation for why your desk is in the bedroom is logical.

unless he is sick, he could absolutely nap elsewhere

circular2478 · 17/07/2024 19:51

Can't believe some of the pp. yes it's a bedroom, but during the days it's a work space. Why can he not nap in the living room?
My dh snores so I couldn't have him anywhere near me when I'm trying to work and it wouldn't go down well on a video call.