To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

[LookAtThatCritter]

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

Presumably it was his bedroom before it was your office?

Have you got an office you can go to?

It's his home too. It would drive me nuts if I was banned from my bedroom because someone was working in there all the time

He's completely ridiculous.

He can nap on the sofa, how rude of him to come and nap where you work. It's such a weird thing to do as well!

People need to stop with their 'it's his home, not your office". When you are removing yourself from all the main living areas, kitchen, living room.., he should show you a bit of respect.

I don't know any adult who need their bedroom during the day 😂
(aside from night workers)

I'm amazed at some of these responses. Your bedroom is your office during the day. He doesn't even NEED a nap if only working part time, and he can use the sofa.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Does he have any health issues? If not then there’s no need for him to nap during the day. You’re working.

If he is not sick and not working shifts he can nap on the bloody sofa!

Your wfh location is unsuitable you need need to get back in work to a suitable environment or you go elsewhere
it is wholly unreasonable that you he cannot use his own bedroom because your working
You need to initiate a change not him. Home is a domestic environment. Bedroom is for sleeping. Your bedroom isn’t an office nor is it for your exclusive use

My DP gets up early if I decide to start early (and finish early) so he can be out of the way, and happily accepts the bedroom is out of bounds when I'm working. He benefits from my salary, and cares enough about me to be pleased I don't have to do a two hour round trip commute every day to earn it. Your husband's attitude wouldn't do for me.

Is he deliberately rubbing your nose in the fact that he has time for a nap & you don’t? Because that’s what it looks like.

As for use of the bedroom, if you discussed & agreed that that is the least disruptive place for you to work, then he is being very unreasonable.

Why is he only working part-time? Perhaps if he increased his hours, he wouldn’t have time to nap. Problem solved.

OP needs to work. OP's DH doesn't need to nap.

And I would say the same thing if situation were reversed.

100% this. I've seen women be advised on here to divorce their wfh husbands simply because they no longer have exclusive use of every room of the the house Mon-Fri 9-5.

It's his bedroom as well as your office. He could just as easily say that it annoys him having you typing and being sat there whilst he's trying to sleep. This is just part of WFH in a small flat, you have to compromise.

OP isn't preventing DH from sleeping in the bedroom. He can do it at night, like most adults.

Honestly? I’d just ask him. He might be unaware you don’t like it, and if you mentioned you would rather him nap on the couch, he might just agree and wander off to the couch. I wfh, and at first my dh would come home from work (I work in the kitchen diner) and hover around me chatting about his day before my work day was done. I pointed out that I’d prefer him to not chat to me till after I’d finished. He hadn’t realised it was an issue, and just did as asked.

Well she could move to the sofa and get a lap tray. It works both ways and primarily it’s a home not an office

I think you are being completely unreasonable, I WFH full time and work in the main bedroom, it's the best room for many different reasons and let's me shut myself off more easily.

That said it is also the master bedroom and as such if my other half needs or wants to go in do do whatever, get changed, sleep, get some bits out etc etc then that's fine as it's not only my room, if I'm on an important call or need to concentrate then I'll either go into another room or simply say I'm on a call could you give me x amount of time.

If he isn't snoring, there shouldn't be any issues...

Yet you say sometimes you start work early and try to be quiet, presumably whilst he’s still in bed? How is that fair? He should be allowed in the bedroom when required in my opinion

Actually we don’t have enough information from the OP to know whether he needs to nap. He might have a chronic or life-limiting illness that means he can’t work full time and is frequently fatigued.

They might not share finances. He might earn enough working part time to pay his half of the bills.

He might also be a lazy cocklodger who’s deliberately trying to make her working life difficult. It’s impossible to say from the OP.

This. He’s not a toddler, what’s with the napping? I’d think there was something wrong with my DH if he was taking himself off for naps in the middle of the day. How odd.

Locking him out of his own bedroom is insanity. I can’t believe anyone would even consider this! I can understand your frustration but it’s his home. I think you need to make alternative working arrangements

I think you're being unreasonable. Its a bedroom not an office. If you insist in working from it you need to accept some disruption.

When it’s the man working from home all the comments are “it’s a home not an office!!”