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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

337 replies

LookAtThatCritter · 17/07/2024 19:25

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

OP posts:
FuzzyStripes · 17/07/2024 19:26

I think you are being quite reasonable to ask him to nap on the sofa.

Longer term, could you get a garden office to work in?

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/07/2024 19:27

Get a lock on the bedroom door and use it during working hours. Seriously, he’s taking the piss and assuming you’ve told him not to do it you don’t have another option. He can nap on the sofa!

Xmasbaby11 · 17/07/2024 19:27

That would annoy me - it’s your workplace at that point and he can nap elsewhere. Ask him not to!

keylimedog · 17/07/2024 19:28

Hmmmm I'm sort of 50/50 - I do genuinely think that your home is your home first and foremost, if you're wfh then anyone just using the house as a home should really be able to use it as they want without having to give way for wfh. If my DH was working from home and was preventing me from using my house however I wanted to during my own day I would be a bit put out, it's my home not an office.

If you're going to be wfh for a long time it would be worth creating a separate working space in the house, it isn't a great idea to be doing it in your bedroom!

mathanxiety · 17/07/2024 19:30

YANBU.

He is bang out of order.

Is there no couch He could nap on?

Sunbeam18 · 17/07/2024 19:30

God, that would drive me mad. Someone napping anywhere in the house would bug me!

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:31

It's his home too

I would prefer to nap on the bed rather than the sofa

He's not doing any thing wrong at all

Tartfulodger · 17/07/2024 19:31

If the sexes were reversed here everyone would be saying he should go and work elsewhere and why shouldn't you have a nap in your own bedroom. Surely there must be some alternative area you can use to work from home? I'd understand if you lived in a bedsit.

mathanxiety · 17/07/2024 19:32

YYY to a lock for the bedroom door. You could easily fit a bolt either.

It's a potential breach of employer or client confidentiality for him to be in the space you work in while you're working there.

Wafflefudge · 17/07/2024 19:32

I'm 50/50 too.
It is his home and he should be able to access the bedroom as required and use it as a home.
I wouldn't be able to nap on a sofa.
Could you have a foldable desk in living room.
Is there any availability of working in office. Just wondering if there are ways of limiting the time where there's a conflict.

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:33

A lock to lock him out of his own bedroom?!

Tartfulodger · 17/07/2024 19:33

mathanxiety · 17/07/2024 19:32

YYY to a lock for the bedroom door. You could easily fit a bolt either.

It's a potential breach of employer or client confidentiality for him to be in the space you work in while you're working there.

You mean so he can lock her out and live a normal life? Yeah I agree..

pikkumyy77 · 17/07/2024 19:34

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:31

It's his home too

I would prefer to nap on the bed rather than the sofa

He's not doing any thing wrong at all

This is some grade A bullshit.

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:34

It's a potential breach of employer or client confidentiality for him to be in the space you work in while you're working there.

So the employer should provide a suitable workplace...

Wafflefudge · 17/07/2024 19:34

You can't lock him out of his own bedroom surely.
Was this discussed when you took the job?

AmandaHoldensLips · 17/07/2024 19:34

WTF is the matter with him?
That's so far from reasonable behaviour I have no words.

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:35

@pikkumyy77 it's absolutely NOT though .... 😂

Aquamarine1029 · 17/07/2024 19:36

You need to find another place to work. With a little ingenuity, I'm sure you could figure something out. They make desks that attach to a wall and fold down to stow away when not in use.

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 17/07/2024 19:36

Can you talk to him in problem solving mode? IE “I need a space where during the working day I can keep the door closed and work undisturbed. What do you think of options x, y and z?”

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:36

Can he go in the bedroom to collect his stuff? Get changed? Look for something? Etc etc??

SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2024 19:36

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/07/2024 19:27

Get a lock on the bedroom door and use it during working hours. Seriously, he’s taking the piss and assuming you’ve told him not to do it you don’t have another option. He can nap on the sofa!

And if this were a man locking his wife out of the bedroom when she wanted a nap, he'd be told "it's a home, not an office! You can't lock her out of her own space, move your desk or put up with it". That's certainly the case any time a woman moans about a husband expecting to use the house as he wants for WFH.

Op is ASK him to use the sofa, but if he isn't actually disturbing you by snoring etc., and it isn't resentment that he's part time and sleeping when you're working full time, then yabu. If you resent hom working part time whilst you're full time, deal with that

gamerchick · 17/07/2024 19:38

Get a wedge to shove under the door. I would find that really irritating. Imagine if he started snoring while you're on the phone!!

SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2024 19:38

Xmasbaby11 · 17/07/2024 19:27

That would annoy me - it’s your workplace at that point and he can nap elsewhere. Ask him not to!

No, it's their bedroom. WhAt if he wants to get changed? Or sort out his wardrobe. Or strip and remake the beds?

Swisscave · 17/07/2024 19:39

YABU

Its his home, his bed. You are in a bedroom, not an office.

Is it really anymore annoying than working in an office, with inane chat, tea slurping, phones going?

If you can’t cope, move elsewhere in the house. If you say there’s no space- then adjust your work station to fit. I don’t believe for a minute you wouldnt be able to come up with something.

pikkumyy77 · 17/07/2024 19:39

No if the sexes were reversed I do not think the answer would be different. The situation is that the family finances require the OP’s WFH income. The dh is only working part time and is not doing childcare . OP does not have the option of moving to another room or out if the house.

The times MN have asked about the proper division of labour/recreation in the house is when the DH has the option to work out of the house, or in a study/bedroom but preferentially takes over the kitchen or living room and prevents the other members of the household from enjoying normal use of that space.

OP specifies that she uses the bedroom during the day when her dh should otherwise be working or could be napping elsewhere.