Husband weird search history

[Picklingpickles]

My husband has been away for work for a while.

We were fighting alot whilst he was away for various reasons. He was saying I was making him extremely upset, he developed depression, wasn't taking care of himself because of me and our arguments. He felt he was losing me apparently.

when he came back he was extremely distant and differnt with me. This was a few weeks ago. Hes being much more normal with me now and it feels like we're getting more back to normal.

But...when he came home and was acting so strangely I had a little snoop on his iPad. I don't know his phone code so can't check that. It didn't have much on it but it had some of his search history.

I didn't find much but I found a couple of weird things:

A search for "how to say I love you in arabic"
A search for "gorgeous meaning"

He is English...

I asked him about the I love you and he told me he'd sent it to his friend from work who speaks Arabic. I said that's weird. He said they always say I love you..just as banter or something. He said he can show me the message.
I said yes please. He couldn't find it. He tells me he must have thought he sent it but didn't in the end.

I have no other information. He's got locks on everything and I can't check.

I did ask to see his phone in anger and he did pass it to me. I then felt awkward and gave it back.

What are you thinking?
What would you do, if anything?
Do you think this is something?
What is it?!

Have you outright told him you think he met someone else and that is what your gut is telling you?

The gorgeous thing, sounds odd, but does he do crosswords? I've got loads of weird things in my search history like that. Just checked and I have "beautiful synonym". Could look weird. With the other stuff it looks very suspicious though. Sorry.

But why wouldn't he have just said so then, instead of making up the story about his friend?

Yes, when I first saw the search history and when he was being weird. I said it a few times.
He said yes I can see why you think that, because I'm acting strange but it's just because I thought I was losing you ect.

I asked if he'd cheated/wanted to/met someone/was speaking to someone. He said no to all.

He did say he had to act like I don't exist to cope and get through everything because he was so upset and felt he'd lost me...

Is there Notes on the iPad? Check those too, that's where I found out

There's banter and then whatever he is doing as Arab guys don't banter like you describe, at least not in my experience. Could it be possible your hubby is having an affair with the friend?

Tripping himself up with unnecessary and easily proved lies, is not a good sign.

I think the op said she didn't ask him about the "gorgeous meaning" in search history. Just the Arabic one.

I have my whatsapp synced to my macbook. And imessages.

Is that an option OP?

He’s having an affair.

This is what happened with my ex. He hid all of their communications except for some random weird messages about her picking him up at night. There were no other messages as he had deleted them.

I had to go into his work email and there was nothing ….until I went into his trash folder and it was all there. He even sent her a picture of a diamond ring and did a mock proposal via email.

We broke up, it was traumatic. He hasn’t been able to maintain a relationship since and this was 15 years ago - so I take some comfort in that.

He doesn't have a mac book.
I turned the iPad on and it needs setting up again. It had the option to restore icloud..I assume that means everything will come back on it? I don't see how else I can sync it to his phone if I don't have the pass code.

It asked for apple id to log in and restore. I know his apple id but not the password so I can't do that...

I might talk to him about the phone thing though ask him why he's lied about the code...he's always told me all his passwords before so it is a big change but he'll blame it on security because of the job I imagine..

If I were that H I would be annoyed and desperate to prove my innocence. I’d do whatever it takes - get the supposed friend to verify the story, restore data, give access to all messages. I’d be rightfully pissed off, but that’s what a reasonable person would do with anyone who doesn’t have a history of controlling or jealous behaviour.

Tell him you don’t believe him, let him bluster, and ask for proof. Ask him straight out if he is having an affair, emotional or otherwise.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Glad he's had relationship troubles since. What an asshole.

I wish I'd never mentioned the love you thing now. I should have left it and waited and kept looking and I might have found something more concrete. Although I didn't have his messages so probably not..

The friend isn't arabic. And no he definitely isn't gay

Sorry but if it’s got to this point then the relationship is over imo. Or you seriously need couples therapy.

Trying to hack into his iPad, him lying about codes, clearing his iPad.

Don’t stoop to that level and tell him you know he’s been acting shady and that you demand the truth now.

In my opinion if my DH accused me of cheating I would prove my innocence; not be clearing my messages and changing passcodes….

Yes this is a good point

...he's always told me all his passwords before so it is a big change but he'll blame it on security because of the job I imagine..

It's his personal phone, is it not.

Surely he shouldn't be using a personal phone to store or access anything sensitive, to do with the military??

Just to add another angle. If you looked at my search history you'd be so suspicious! I Google everything, words people use (or i see on films) that I don't know the meaning of, things I read in books, crimes I've learnt about in a netflix documentary or seen on the news and then just random things that pop into my head at 2am and I can't sleep until I've found them out. It doesn't mean I'm having an affair or have committed any of the crimes I've Googled...

Yes. Fair point, thank you.
But..would you tell your partner you've got the same pass code when you don't.
And say you've sent a message to a friend that you never sent..
That's what makes it all a bit dogy. Not just the googling...and if that were the case, he could have said he was just wondering how you say it ect ect..
I'm not 100% either way

My husband doesn't have my passcode. Come to think of it i dont know his. I'm not up to anything dodgy (!) and if he needed to look something up, say if we were in the car and i was driving then I would probably just give it him. There's nothing on there that I would particularly care if he saw but I guess it's just mine and I don't like sharing!! X

The thing that struck me is: I have seen them kiss each other, smack each other's bums ect. It's just how they are in that job I guess. I have never seen straight men behave like this with each other, OP. Ever.

I think there's some weird behaviour within the military that maybe wouldn't be found elsewhere. It's just the way they are..I've seen it loads and don't think anything of that to be honest..it doesn't bother or concern me and mine isn't really that way anyway. Maybe some banter but nothing too out there

I can understand why you are concerned given the way he hasn't explained himself after the event though, don't mean to undermine what you are saying. Just the random googling bit I can relate to

He isn't doing straight banter so he is likely bi, if he isn't gay.

No he isn't and that's not even debatable or a a concern if mine and not the point but thanks anyway