Summer students disrespectful of my home.

[CleanCityBird]

Hi everyone,
ive 2 students staying with me, both 15 from France. They’re doing a 3 week language course.
Cleaning their room I found old stale sandwiches, partially rotted, yogurts, pastries. The thing is, apart from the yogurt. This isn’t the food I’ve prepared for them.Its someone else’s.
they’ve been here 2 weeks now, & all in all, they’re great kids. Up & out in the morning ( one has said she’s sick 2 out of 10days tho). They’re polite, sweet Girls.

Im annoyed that they left food to rot, it can cause all sort of problems. Im annoyed they have someone else’s food, and im annoyed because it’s disrespectful to my home.
I’ve cut them some slack because they are so young, taking more of a caring role, doing their laundry, cleaning their bathroom.
they’ll be home around 9ish tonight & I have to have a word with them.
i don’t want to upset them but I do want to get the message across that it’s not on.
I’m so annoyed I’m afraid I will over react with them. Any guidance from seasoned student host Mums might have would be greatly appreciated! ❤️

I agree that happens increasingly, @Shielehdie, but I don't think that's what happened here. OP was ready to dismiss, disagree and fight.

Nobody's disagreed with the rotting food bit (ok well, maybe some stated OP shouldn't enter their rooms but this has already been agreed as acceptable with the student org).

It's the policing what they eat that's controlling.
OP keeps asking them what they want to eat.

Maybe they don't know! Maybe they change their minds a lot. Maybe they'd actually rather not have the OP provide anything but it's mandated by the organisers. Maybe, heady on freedom in a foreign country, they keep buying food not because they're hungry but because it looks nice... And then don't get around to eating it.

Put it this way if a fully grown adult paid for a room with meals provided but chucked it all away, it would be none of the hotel's business. The fact that they're in OP's house is irrelevant. She's paid to provide the food and she does so. What they do with it isn't her business. End of. As long as they dispose of it properly. They don't need to erm 'communicate'

Hosts get paid for hosting. The fee they receive is supposed to cover food, loo paper, etc.

🤣🤣🤣

I don’t think this renting / boarding to teens is going to work out for you. I am sorry it’s obvious you have not had teens yourself. They are not mini adults - they are like a different species at 15.

Well clearly they don't like it, but at 15 too shy to say?

Summer days - the food in their room is not bought. It’s homemade packed lunches, still in cling film & bags & not touched.
That’s my point. I wouldn’t have mentioned the other food if it had been stuff they bought themselves. The whole point is that it’s homemade packed lunches belonging to someone else but they’re not eating that either. I am wondering why they have other peoples packed lunches.

Summer days - me saying my food was fab was a tongue in cheek comment. Not serious. I thought people would get the AbFab joke. They didn’t. People thought I was serious.

This made me laugh.
I’ve raised 3 children.

I have no issue at all with other food.
the point about the food in their room is that it’s not bought food. It’s homemade packed lunches in cling film that must belong to other children. It hasn’t been opened or partially opened so their not eating it. My question was about why would they have other kids unopened homemade lunches?

Where did I say that??

They have evening activities. I HAVE to pack their evening meal because they don’t get home till 9:30pm.
It’s the school policy. I pack a proper evening dinner they can heat up in school.

Fair enough.

Yes, sorry, I'm autistic so do tend to take things literally!

It's a shame the school doesn't provide something. Maybe they are just a bit fed up of reheating food.

Pasteldenata - well said.
people have mistakenly thought I have a problem with them buying food. That’s not the point.
The food in their room was homemade packed lunches made (I assume) by another host Mum. So it’s another child’s food. It’s not purchased food.
its not even opened, still in its cling film. So it doesn’t look like a swap. I put their food in Tupperware, if they don’t eat what I give them, they bring it back in the Tupperware & will say to me ‘ah we didn’t like it, or ‘you have me too much’ so they aren’t being secretive or pretending they like everything. My whole point was wondering why they’d have another child’s lunch, especially as it seems we’ve got a good relationship & they talk to me if they don’t like something, so swapping lunches seemed unlikely)not impossible though, but then wouldn’t they eat what they swapped for?).

My best guess, is that your students are eating the packed lunches you give them, but sometimes other children don't like or want the lunches they've been given, and have offered them to other people, who have taken them home 'just in case', but not needed them!

I think you'll have to ask them!

I also have students here for a few weeks. I have not gone near their rooms as I dont want to invade their privacy. I cant believe you have gone in to begin with. CUt them slack its only a few weeks.

At last a possible explanation! That could be exactly whats happening, they’re solving a problem for another kid, or giving away some of their food ( they tell me they like the food but I give them too much, I’m always worried they’ll be hungry) and taking that child’s lunch & end up with it at the bottom of their backpack. Thanks!

What is this ‘invading Privacy’ rubbish?
They are 14 and 15. It’s not their home bedroom.
it’s a room in my house that they are renting & I have a responsibility to keep it clean, and for it NOT to turn into a fly infested stink pit.
id guarantee if I didn’t go in and clean their room you would post I was neglecting them. Can’t win with some people.

I think 99 percent of homemade packed lunches made by host families end up in the bin. OP in your case. somebody elses bin.
There are no eating disorders or medical conditions at play here or additional needs. Just 2 kids preoccupied.

Thank you Teddy bearspicnic.
you’ve hit the nail on the head.
The issue with the food found is not they don’t like my food and are buying more. The food I found is other kids packed lunches. Made by another host Mum I assume. It’s not even opened. Still fully wrapped in cling film & there’s a lot of it. About 4 Fully packed homemade lunches belonging to another child/children and rotting so it’s there a few days. It was the smell that made me wonder what was going on in their room.
I’m wondering what they are doing with it. Because they’re not eating it.
I treat the kids just like they are my own. I appreciate this is a big adventure for them, something I hope they’ll remember fondly as adults. That’s why I don’t want to taint it for them by upsetting them but knowing I had to say something. I show them respect. I believe they should treat me with the same respect and courtesy. I acknowledge they’re young but I don’t agree that’s a pass for bad behaviour or disrespect. And this is disrespect for the cost of food and the position of privilege they’re in. Whose childs lunch is it they have? What is that other child eating?

Haha yes, and in my case, not even in my bin, rotting under a bed!
I hope no eating disorder at play. It’s funny you say that, because every day I have to scrub their bathroom sink. Not your usual toothpaste & stuff, but bits of things stuck to the ceramic that I said to myself, that looks like food. Any more input welcome.

How long are they staying?