Summer students disrespectful of my home.

[CleanCityBird]

Hi everyone,
ive 2 students staying with me, both 15 from France. They’re doing a 3 week language course.
Cleaning their room I found old stale sandwiches, partially rotted, yogurts, pastries. The thing is, apart from the yogurt. This isn’t the food I’ve prepared for them.Its someone else’s.
they’ve been here 2 weeks now, & all in all, they’re great kids. Up & out in the morning ( one has said she’s sick 2 out of 10days tho). They’re polite, sweet Girls.

Im annoyed that they left food to rot, it can cause all sort of problems. Im annoyed they have someone else’s food, and im annoyed because it’s disrespectful to my home.
I’ve cut them some slack because they are so young, taking more of a caring role, doing their laundry, cleaning their bathroom.
they’ll be home around 9ish tonight & I have to have a word with them.
i don’t want to upset them but I do want to get the message across that it’s not on.
I’m so annoyed I’m afraid I will over react with them. Any guidance from seasoned student host Mums might have would be greatly appreciated! ❤️

Thanks for this too. Living away from home like this for kids is a great life lesson. It should mostly be fun, but it’s also a learning opportunity.
it’s about respect for other people and other places outside their own family home. They would not be allowed to behave like this at home, in their school, or anywhere else. So why here?
The amount of people who said let it go, if those people are Mums, they have the wrong attitude when it comes to teaching children about respect.

You think 9 pages of complete strangers all magically 'invented' the exact same thing?

Or maybe you interpretation skills aren't fully developed and YOU are missing what everyone else can see.

OP. I'd abandon the respect idea. Ask them to use the bin , it must be nearly time for them to leave.

Key word there is 'renting'.

If you rent something you actually DON'T have a right to enter it outside of emergencies (fire, flood etc... possibility of flies is NOT an emergency). It doesn't matter if you 'own' the house, by renting you are literally selling the rights to it for that time period.

That would apply to renting with a tenancy agreement, @housethatbuiltme. It doesn't apply to lodgers, and I'd imagine there would be an agreement with the hosting organisation that allowed hosts to check the teens' rooms.

In an absolutely doomed attempt to lighten up here, at around 2 this afternoon we walked past a local sandwich-bar cafe (pronounced caff) which has a large corner seating area that was crammed with sleeping teenagers. Ah, said MrG, I see the Spanish are in town.

God I’m glad I’m not one of the students. Your posts read just like my step mother - an overbearing woman who thinks she is being amusing and delightful but just comes off as brash and ‘my way or the high way’. Why ask for advice when you do obviously think you will handle it perfectly?

and they are there for three weeks. No reason whatsoever to invade their privacy to clean.

Are they meant to be living with you like you are their family? Or is it literally you rent a room to them like a hotel?

But in terms of the food - just ask them. No point of everyone here trying to guess!

They might have swapped for various reasons. Or eaten yours and then been given the lunches of other kids that don't like theirs.
A PP mentioned eating disorders, huh maybe?
Even then, it's not your problem. They're just kids staying over for 3 weeks. Quizzing them on their eating habits is hardly within your remit.

Returning to your actual OP.
Annoyed they have left food to rot - YANBU.
Annoyed they have someone else's food - because it's 'disrespectful to your home' - YABVVU.

A truly flawless illustration of my point; thank you.

You literally did the same thing you're describing on another thread to another poster. People are responding to the words you wrote. Not a pile on. Just reading the words you wrote and thinking wtf. No one should be abusive to you obviously, but 9 pages should give you some insight into how other people take what you say and how you say it if its apparently not at all how you meant it

Please stop inventing things I didn’t say.
I didn’t say having other people food is disrespectful to my home. I said, and it was a question - leaving rotting food is disrespectful to my home when they wouldn’t do it in their home. Again peopl putting words in my mouth.
ans if there were indications of an eating disorder that would be very serious. I certainly wouldn’t accuse anyone of that but if I saw serious signals that were the case as the adult in the room I would have to bring it up. Not with the child. Talk to the school and they probably have a guideline & policy on that.

I was not abusive to anybody, on any response.
My OP was a simple question. From the getgo the abuse started. And it’s abuse. Calling me an alcoholic, unfit to take care of children? That’s not funny, or harmless. It’s harmful.
I stated my case and disagreed.
look at all the thing people have accused me of. Of course I’m going to respond.

You clearly don't think you were on that other thread. Others disagree

I didn't say anything about the rest mentioned in your reply or that you shouldn't respond. Perhaps be clearer from the beginning and not write the opposite of what you now say you meant. I'm not being sarcastic or having a dig, your posts are toneless so if we all read it one way and you meant something else, it's something to consider

You are wrong. Your posts @ceruleandive have been disgusting, just stop commenting if you have nothing constructive to add. You seem to just shitstir.

Unbelievable.
They come and live with us for 3 weeks as part of the family. To be treated as part of the family. It’s part of the experience. It’s not renting a room. They’re kids.

Where as you, OP, are a credit to reasonable debate and sparkling manners…

Do you know anything about billeting? The op is being paid to provide board including meals. She’s not doing it for free. If the children prefer each other’s lunches, nothing is being wasted. So yes, it is controlling of the op.

You’re called a “homestay mum” in my country. It really is essentially just boarding but with a more family feel. In the ultimate end, you’re getting paid to provide this service.

Presumably you've spoken to them about this by now. What did they say?

I personally feel that you should not be going into their bedroom while they are staying with you unless you've given advance notice and asked permission. If you are checking under their beds, that feels like an unusually thorough clean.

I have hosted students too and I did not go into their rooms without asking first. I would ask if they had laundry, or to bring out cups/glasses. I would offer to change the beds, or to give them fresh bedding. I would offer to clean their room once each week, or ask whether they'd prefer to do it themselves and then leave the vacuum cleaner and cleaning items by the door.

I don't know why they have food. It is rather odd because they haven't bought it or eaten it. If it belongs to another student, who doesn't want it, why didn't that student just put it in the bin? Presumably you have asked them by now. I would ask without judgment. Who does this belong to? Please put food waste in this bin.

You are saying now that you are just concerned about them, but that isn't the tone of your title or op. Initially your tone was cross, with talk of them disrespecting you. I think you would have got different replies if you'd started with 'I am worried about these children' instead of 'these children are disrespecting me.'

"Im annoyed that they left food to rot, it can cause all sort of problems. Im annoyed they have someone else’s food, and im annoyed because it’s disrespectful to my home."

I think these sorts of comments at the beginning of the thread are what prompted the critical replies.

Even though you are now saying that you are just curious about where the food came from, and concerned about eating disorders, and need to know if they don't like your food, you were initially annoyed and felt disrespected. That is an odd response to the situation I think, and the reason you've collected some harsh replies.

My mother was a homestay mum, I’ve been a student in homestays and I’ve coordinated them. Going into the rooms is fine. It’s part of your duties in fact. My mother would tidy the rooms, make the beds - basically everything. And provide 2-3 meals per day.

If they are part of the family should they not be cleaning their rooms? You wouldn't usually expect a 14 or 15yo's mum to go in their room to clean. Just a thought.

@lemonmeringueno3 exactly

@CleanCityBird nobody has invented things you didn't say. It's right there in the OP. You literally said.

"I'm annoyed that they left food to rot, it can cause all sort of problems. Im annoyed they have someone else’s food, and im annoyed because it’s disrespectful to my home. "

Maybe you should use proper punctuation if that wasn't your intention but since you complained about them not eating your fabulous food and generally being very huffy. I'll wager your initial post was correct.

You are a liar, trying to backtrack now that you've been rightly piled on.

I will repeat once again, since you're hard of reading and writing.

Rotting food = your concern. Rude. Causes issues. Must be stopped.
Other food = not your concern. Their right. Not disrespect. Keep your beak out.

Simples.