Summer students disrespectful of my home.

[CleanCityBird]

Hi everyone,
ive 2 students staying with me, both 15 from France. They’re doing a 3 week language course.
Cleaning their room I found old stale sandwiches, partially rotted, yogurts, pastries. The thing is, apart from the yogurt. This isn’t the food I’ve prepared for them.Its someone else’s.
they’ve been here 2 weeks now, & all in all, they’re great kids. Up & out in the morning ( one has said she’s sick 2 out of 10days tho). They’re polite, sweet Girls.

Im annoyed that they left food to rot, it can cause all sort of problems. Im annoyed they have someone else’s food, and im annoyed because it’s disrespectful to my home.
I’ve cut them some slack because they are so young, taking more of a caring role, doing their laundry, cleaning their bathroom.
they’ll be home around 9ish tonight & I have to have a word with them.
i don’t want to upset them but I do want to get the message across that it’s not on.
I’m so annoyed I’m afraid I will over react with them. Any guidance from seasoned student host Mums might have would be greatly appreciated! ❤️

They didn't like the food they swapped it for either - seeing as it was rotting in their rooms.

Youre being abit bonkers op. Hosted for years my tips

list of clear rules for them on arrival.

have extremely low standards as to teen behaviour. Only kicked a group out once for smoking in the room after explicitly being told they weren’t allowed to smoke

put food in middle of table and let them help themselves. Plating up mounds of food and plonking it in front of them is stressful for some teen girls remember that myself.

Also stop making so much effort! I hosted for 8 years ask about dislikes allergies on arrival otherwise then they get what they are given ie what we are eating. When hosting teens I kept it simple not curries etc.

Never hosted a teen that didn’t like toad in the hole.

Are you always this ranty and odd? You will be the talk of the summer school 😂

Also they rate you you know. They are your clients. So if you are too difficult/ strict / ranty you quietly won’t get booked by the language school.

I have hosted, some nice and some very unpleasant. Rate me? i don't think so.

This is a bit of a non-issue. Shock-horror - teenagers can be slobs if left to their own devices! It's not 'disrespect' any more than a bear is disrespecting the woods when he shits there. It's just par for the course and what they do - a blind spot in the teenage brain.

So tell them to put their rubbish in the bin and not leave it to fester, cos it's gross. Job done.

All the rest is over-thinking and projection - we don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are, as the saying goes.

They do rate you though whether you like it or not!

Ahhh French kids are going to be used to a VERY different diet.

Ask them what they'd like, better yet, take them to a supermarket. Buy a baguette, not even joking.

A lot of them will be used to French school meals which are a million miles from UK ones. Everything is going to taste a bit weird and different for them.

"fancy French pastries"? Do you mean an Aldi croissant? 😂

The language school probably won't rate you (well, none of the providers I worked for did.) We may have placed a value on those whose accommodation had a particular advantage - i.e en-suite, private annex, proximity to our school etc but we never rated the hosts themselves.

What we did do, however, is very "judiciously" use hosts in the future who were difficult to deal with, had unreasonable expectations or who were transactional in their approach to hosting.

The hosts who really provided a home away from home, who were warm, made students truly part of their family life and who we knew the students were happy with tended to reap the most benefits. Students do talk, and you'd be amazed how many students in subsequent years would asked to be placed with Mr and Mr X because their friend had a good time three years ago and felt like one of the family.

And likewise, if it's anything like the place I last worked if the students came into the office and said "I want to move host families because my host mother told me off for leaving rotting food in my bedroom," we'd have explained gently why that wasn't acceptable and attempted to resolve sensibly.

You LITERALLY say

'Im annoyed they have someone else’s food and im annoyed because it’s disrespectful to my home.'

You have absoloutly no right to be annoyed though that they are eating other food, its frankly utterly bizarre that it even crossed your mind never mind mentioning it several times and being 'annoyed' and 'talking to them about it'.

You have no right to a say in anyone else's diet. Its absoloutly NOT disrespectful to eat other food.

You said it several times so it clearly is a big issue that you thought was acceptable to be annoyed by but are now backpedaling because everyone has told you its controlling.

They are clearly already feeling they have to hide this food from you so you actually haven't been very accommodating, you could cause disordered eating if you keep pushing this control on kids.

You live and learn with hosting! We often got repeat ones or others asking to be transferred to us <preens>. I was quite low key always had tea with them asked them about their day but otherwise left them to it unless they needed me. Food you get what you’re given but always ensured food quite teen friendly not elaborate dishes.

We learned over the years the vast majority are absolutely fine and lovely and normal a small minority are extremely special amazing people and another small minority are a bloody nightmare!

What’s with the wrong wrong wrong? It only needs saying once. You sound slightly unhinged too.

Anecdotally the Russian girls were the nicest. Dont know how they are bringing up their girls but it works.

You seriously sound a bit unhinged and very reactional.

A whole bunch of strangers from all over the country, different backgrounds, religions, beliefs, social classes etc... are not all somehow reading the same conclusion about your rants accidentally.

We are saying this because its how you are acting, we are reading it because its what you are writing/saying, no one is pulling this out of thin air we are going off what YOU say, there is no conspiracy against you.

@CleanCityBird
Look, YOU are the one who has said things that have led many people to think you are over reacting. Then you have come back and called people awful and that they shouldn't be on the internet and that they need to calm down.

You need to realise that the reason people have taken this view is because what YOU have posted.

You have said you are annoyed with them bringing in or having food from elsewhere. You have later said this is because of some concern about them not liking your food. So why would you think it off when people comment that it's not weird to have food from elsewhere and that you seem weirdly precious about them liking your food.

Those comments are based on what YOU have written

You also said

I’m so annoyed I’m afraid I will over react with them.

You are SO ANNOYED that you fear you may over react.

That's some high level of annoyance you've described. To fear you will over react. So again. Why would you find it odd that others have said you are being peculiar and over reacting to the whole situation.

It's you who have created this image of yourself with your choice if language

Honestly op if this gets you “so annoyed you may overact” I’m sorry I don’t think you are in the headspace to be hosting teens.

You do sound ever so slightly bonkers OP.

"And likewise, if it's anything like the place I last worked if the students came into the office and said "I want to move host families because my host mother told me off for leaving rotting food in my bedroom," we'd have explained gently why that wasn't acceptable and attempted to resolve sensibly."

I like this comment it's all about having a balanced view and not allowing young people to abuse a hosts hospitality. Which it's clear they are and should be spoken to or else they will do it somewhere else.

Two packed meals? Why don’t you provide a proper evening meal?

I get why she is annoyed because a lot of people in real life wouldn't tolerate it. You have complete strangers who you can't see posting shit that they wouldn't tolerate but want to make the op feel like an arse for not wanting to tolerate the rubbish or food that has been left or given away. Food costs money and if they don't like it then the op should try to offer alternatives so she doesn't waste her money. Bottom line is everything costs money.

They always do when it's not your money.

Bottom line is people are only replying to what the ops posts literally said before backtracking 😂

It is about money isn't it? That's what I got from her op. They are taking the piss and should say something if they don't like it. Op has said she asks them what they want to eat it's not like she's not trying. If someone lets you into their home to stay for a few weeks it doesn't entitle them to abuse her home or the food she buys.