Friend let son (9) go to shop with no adult

[pinkTowel1]

I left my 9 year old son with a friend and have discovered that she let him and their daughter (also aged 9) go to the nearby shops on their own. She never asked me if this was ok with me. It is not something I would have said yes to. He has never done this before. Am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I wouldn’t have been happy about this either.
People will say back in the past children went to the shop at that age (my mother sent me from the age of 7), but I almost got run over by a car twice. Even back then it wasn’t safe to do that.
Children mature at different rates, but it should always be parents choice.

I don't know if you are being unreasonable I mean how far are the shops ? I'm assuming you know her well and trust her to look after your son or you wouldn't have let him go but if you don't think she's able don't let him go back have the friend at your house.

Haven’t you got another thread about this?

Is this the same as the other thread about the exact same thing??

It's absolutely the norm round where I live for 9 year olds to walk to the shops/park/school so depending on what's the norm in your area (my sister lives in Norway it would 6yo there, but I know if mumnetters where older is the norm) she might not have realised she needed to check.

Unless it's a really dodgy area I don't see the problem.

I mean, don't you let them play outside?
I don't see the difference. 9 is old enough to know stranger danger and cross a road safely.

I would be absolutely fine with this but I could see how other people might not be, it depends on the area/roads etc.

Both of mine started going to the local shop about that age. Not an issue where we live

How far away is the shop? Sister and I were walking to the shop (5 min walk) alone when I was 7.

I think it’s a little bit strange that your nine year old doesn’t have that level of independence yet. Doesn’t he play outside with his friends?

9 is on the cusp of being ok. So it's fine if a parent wants to let their 9 year old do this but they are unreasonable to make this decision for a child who is not theirs. She should have checked with you.

How far away is the shop?

Huge difference between say a 100 yard walk which doesn’t involve crossing a road and a mile walk or one involving a bus journey.

Should have checked with you. I let me DDs do this at 9 but I wouldn't assume a friend's parents would do the same.

This happened to me aswell. DS was at his school friends house and they let them go and feed the ducks at a local fucking pond 5 mins away!!! I was absolutely furious. My DS didn’t want me to say anything and thankfully their friendship fizzled out.

Now if I’d have been asked I might have said yes but that decision was taken away from me.

Those were the days lol.
We grew up doing this, but it's a different time now, i can only speak for where we live, maybe others are more comfortable where they live.

I think YABU unless there's a drip feed coming about one of the children having additional needs, or their having to cross a busy road or something. You haven't given specifics about the distance involved but it's a distance that you yourself consider to be "nearby". I would assume at 9 years old that most children were given this level of independence (and where I live - in the UK - I would be correct), and I wouldn't ask the other mum if they were OK with it. Most parents around here would think it was a little strange to be asked.

Seems fine to me.
Nine year olds walk to school and walk around their neighbourhood. They were not alone.

As long as the walk isn’t long and doesn’t involve heavy traffic I would be fine with this. I personally would probably have dropped the mum a quick note as an FYI but I couldn’t get very upset about this.

She probably didn’t ask because she assumed that your 9-year-old, like most kids that age, is perfectly capable of walking up to the shop with a friend.

What do you actually think the risk would be? There were two of them. They’re not going to be abducted off the street in broad daylight and they’re not going to get lost as a pair. If your son has never walked to nearby shop on his own, surely it’s a good thing that he’s been able to do that safely, with the reassurance of his friend who has done it before?

Even if you’ve never let him go and buy sweets on his own, it’s massively disproportionate to be ‘upset’ by this.

Totally depends on how far the shops are, how busy the road, what the area is like in general.
I'd be fine with it where I live....

Or is it just that you weren't asked? You left your child with your friend... so I'm assuming you trust their judgement?

I would not be happy with this either - I would have expected them to check with me.

YABU unless going to the shop involves crossing a main road, or either child has SN that means they function below the expected level of a 9yo.

Were there roads to cross?

I would let DDs do that at that age (depending on the location of the shop, roads etc) but would have asked the other parent.

I remember when I was 8 (this was about 1984) we went to a caravan site on holiday and I was desperate to go to the grocers up the road (quite a busy main road but no need to cross) to get a few items on my own. Eventually my mum let me and I loved it. More recently she told me she had followed me but kept out of sight!

DD1 used to walk to and from school ("on her own") with a friend aged 9+ but I was 50 yards behind with DD2.

I would be fine with it depending on how far it was, what roads they had to cross, etc

She is probably so used to letting her own daughter do it that it didn't cross her mind it would be something she had to check with you about.

YABU unless it is in a foreign country