Friend let son (9) go to shop with no adult

[pinkTowel1]

I left my 9 year old son with a friend and have discovered that she let him and their daughter (also aged 9) go to the nearby shops on their own. She never asked me if this was ok with me. It is not something I would have said yes to. He has never done this before. Am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

We’ve recently started letting DS age 9 go to the shop on his own, wouldn’t let him take a friend without talking to the parent first. I literally waited on the doorstep yesterday for him as his air tag wasn’t working and is pointless anyway 😅 still in 2 minds about it clearly, but he loves it.

Mine were doing that at that age. It’s a good way to build independence. They also walked to school by themselves - all pretty normal round here. But it depends on the distance, the roads and the maturity of the child, and I would probably (but not necessarily) have mentioned it to the parent of any visiting child first. I suppose it would depend on how well I knew them.

He has never done this before.

Well he has now!

Seriously though, I wouldn't let this bother me. Clearly you trust your friend as a responsible parent, it's not like they're toddlers. I think from 8-9 you need to start letting them have a bit of independence and doing stuff like this. In literally 2 years time he'll probably be going to school / his mates houses / the park on his own all the time... It's good to ease them into it slowly and let them get a bit streetwise!

DD is 9 and started going to a nearby shop by herself or with a friend this year. It's not particularly young I don't think.

Sarah Payne, Holly and Jessica….. Broad daylight and not alone. And those are just the notoriously famous cases that have stuck with me. There will be many more.

Its nice some people have this confidence. Even in nice areas it only takes one weirdo.

www.statista.com/statistics/303536/child-abduction-in-england-and-wales-uk/#:~:text=There%20were%20approximately%201%2C122%20child,compared%20with%20the%20previous%20year.

Either way, OP should have been asked.

Tbf not everyone has an outside space to play, but for an average kid 9 is fine to go to a corner shop if there aren’t any terrible roads to cross. Plus his friend had obviously been on her own a lot so would know what to do.

They’re 9, of course it is OK. They should be out playing in the park themselves and going to the shop for ice lollies without coming back to check if it’s ok, so just going to the shop? Yes.

I mean, randomly naming two abduction cases from over 20 years ago is definitely relevant to this thread and really helpful isn't it 🙄That's like me saying I'm never going to go on holiday abroad again because of 9/11.

I agree OP should have been asked but even if she'd been asked and said yes, it doesn't prevent child abduction does it??

What age do you suggest letting children have a bit of freedom @Happygogoat ?

You know the cases that hit the news?

They hit the news because they are not normal.

I have been told I live a couple of streets away where a girl got abducted in the 1950s. Source is a friend of mine from his now deceased grandmother. (To be fair he told me about the case in the 1990s.)

YABU

Depends on the surrounding and traffic. We did but had to stop when massive renovation nearby had lots of trucks turning corners and scaffolding meant you had to walk on the road or cross a busy junction.

Depends how far the shop is but this wouldnt particularly bother me. Have you taught your child dangers of crossing road/speaking to strangers etc?

Ds started going to the shop at nearly 8 and by 9 all the kids walk to school here .

Seems fine to me, I certainly gave my dc money to go and buy lolly's from the shop plus any friends at our house from about 8

I would let my own 9yo do this I let her go with her sister when she was 9, and alone at 9.

Someone else's 9yo, when I don't know how sensible they are? I wouldn't if I was in charge of them. (But 9yos ay out around here, so they appear in the garden for a bit then disappear)

On that basis though you'd never allow your children to do anything, your link doesn't work for me so I don't know what the statistics show

Does the possibility of your child being abducted actually feature on your day to day thinking?

What about road accidents or falling off their bikes or having an accident while doing sport, the list of things that might actually happen more relevant surely, how do you manage day to day to cope with those?

We need more info like the actual walk itself and time of day. Most children in year 5 (age 9/10) can do short walks like going to school or the shops but that’s obviously in areas with proper pavements etc

Well, I let my two - but they were road savvy and quite sensible. It depends on distance and capability of the child.

On own no I wouldn't be happy friend had let him but with their child I'd be ok with!

Will your son have a simple journey to secondary in a couple of years ? If not, I think that this summer is probably a good time to start gently preparing for that as it will be the dark time of year too soon.

It's not about their maturity. They can be mature and still have an accident.

I think its fine at that age. Most kids are walking to schools by themselves by yr 5. 9 could either b yr 4 or yr 5. If hes an older yr 4 then technically he could theoretically only be days younger than the youngest in yr 5.

I'd say unless he's crossing a dual carriage way or there are no pedestrian crossings, or you are abkut to drip feed some kind.of AN then I don't see a problem

I wouldn’t allow this in my area (SE London) where loads of traffic and an absolutely insane side road system where there are no kerbs to indicate side roads as pedestrians have right of way but cars never actually stop.

But where my parents live (small town in Kent , I would be bothered as much. But personally I would always check with parents first for primary age kids.

@Happygogoat

of course those incidents were tragic, however we all know their names because it's an incredibly unusual event. Compare that to the millions of kids going to the corner shop/park daily ...

you can't stop kids having a bit of independence because of a rare few incredibly sad events.

Insufficient info.

Where is the shop in relation to friends house?

Big difference if its round the corner on the same residential road, or it's a mile away, involves crossing several major roads without pedestrian crossings.

Does the other child go to the shop by herself often or is this her first experience?

Do the children get on and work well together, or are they liable to have silly fall outs and run off, or dare each other to do stupid stuff?

I think if you leave your kid in someone elses care, its really on you to make it clear what your kid can/cannot do in these grey areas. If you don't do that then it is up to the other adult to decide - if you don't trust them to make such decisions regarding your child, don't leave your child with them.