Friend let son (9) go to shop with no adult

[pinkTowel1]

I left my 9 year old son with a friend and have discovered that she let him and their daughter (also aged 9) go to the nearby shops on their own. She never asked me if this was ok with me. It is not something I would have said yes to. He has never done this before. Am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

How do these children learn independence? I bet he also doesn't play out.

Maybe the other parent didnt think that someone would be so protective of a 9 year old that they have never let them out of their sight.

OP, Of course its OK for your DS to go to the shop with a friend at their age.

Thc or simmilar shop? No.
Sex shop? Also no.
Pretty much any other type of shop? Of course.
Children older than 7 are capable of navigating shop unless it is accross highway.

It's not "of course". It's on the cusp. Some parents will be fine with it, others not. Neither is wrong necessarily

I wouldn't be happy. It doesn't matter whether your child is perceived to be old enough she should have checked.

Well heaps of praise for your son who had done his first trip to the shops by himself, yes? You cannot control aspects of a play date. It would not occur to me to seek your permission for a presumably perfectly able child. I’ve had a bar this week of parents trying to control all aspects of their perfectly able child's day (child care setting) though so am probably biased. 9 is perfectly fine to go to a shop and unless other parent is barking mad (presumably not since you deemed them fine to care for your child) then I assume they are capable of risk assessing a trip to the shop without your permission and you would do well not to make these things into something more than they are.

Of course if you want to look at statistics, a child is far more likely to come to harm in their own home by a member of their own family or a close family friend.

This 100%

My DS 11 told me exactly the same thing after having stayed with a friend and I was so proud of him🙂. I'm too afraid to let him out on his own so I'm happy he went with a friend to shop some groceries nearby.

The shop here is about 5 mins slow walk from our small estate, regularly see kids buying their ice lollies in little groups during the hols. No busy roads to cross & most of the mums know each other (kids know not to misbehave as they will always be caught!). Summer of Y4, especially with an older sibling or start of Y5 seems about the age most allow their kids a bit more independence.

Until what age? What if the children are 13? Should she still check? And should she check other minor things with you before he can do them? What if her child plays a computer game and she’s not sure whether you would be happy with him having screen time? Should she check that? What if she takes them to the park but she’s not sure you normally let him on the big slide?

Wow, totally would have expected that a nine year old be able to go to a safe route safe distance on their own and make a simple transaction.

If it was a bus ride YANBU.
local shop (few mins walk, no major roads) YABU

The problem with many parents is that this is exactly what they expect. Full control over every aspect of everything said child does. Can you tell I’ve had a bad week with this sort of thing 😀

It depends on the area. Totally fine here. Are you in a city?

I would have been furious if anyone had let my daughter go to the shops without an adult at that age. I accept that many people may feel their children woukd be safe in the area where they live, but I would not have considered two 9 year olds were safe in the area of south London where I live. The friend's mother should have asked your permission first.

Why didn’t you stipulate this before you left? If you don’t want your schedule doing stuff you need to say before the event.

Failing to see the problem. He was probably thrilled to be allowed some independence..

If your friend's daughter is used to doing this it may not have occurred to mum that she needed to let you know in advance.

They probably should have checked with you but possibly forgot as it's normal for their kid to do this. I personally wouldn't make a big deal of this. It's well about time your DC learned to do this, so it's a good thing.

Whilst I do agree it should be your choice it kind of depends how nearby you mean when you say nearby.

If there are no roads (and especially if the other parent has older kids and has been through this before) it probably never occurred to the other parent it would be an issue. it’s easy to forget that other families might not be where you are.

Mine went aged 7 so doesn't seem extreme to me

Depends on how far away the shop is, what sort of shop, i.e. a massive supermarket or a local corner shop, did they have to cross road(s), were they given a time e.g " I will expect you back in 20 minutes". Letting two 9 year olds pop to the local shop at the end of the street to get an ice cream is very different from letting them go to the supermarket several roads away.

YABU. It’s only a walk to the shops and they’re 9, they were together.

I would be fuming and would not let him go again.