3yo DD keeps saying something really weird

[Pancakepipsqueak]

I have a 3 year old (4 in sept) who I shared 50:50 custody with my ex.
she’s started a weird exchange a few times that goes
“hey mummy, guess what”
”what”
”AIDs” then she’ll giggle.
my response is always “that’s an odd thing to say?” Or something similar. Tonight I texted my ex about it and he said “yeah 😂”
turns out he’s been saying it to her? I’ve said I don’t find it appropriate and wouldn’t want her saying it to the childminder or other children. He called me “moral high ground grand wizard” and attacked me basically.
I will say, he’s a teacher, we’re 33. It just seems like such a juvenile joke that isn’t appropriate and is offensive?
was I BU bringing it up? Am I overreacting and this is hilarious?

Exactly. Forgive me for quoting someone who is quoting me approvingly! — but I feel like this disturbing lack of care or respect for his own child is getting lost in endless posts about what the joke means, or about it not being a proper joke, not funny, etc. etc.

What a moron.

Sorry not helpful, but find this really weird.

And yet I think op will really, really struggle to get him to see that. He sounds like the type who will say it’s ‘not that deep’ or similar. Which is immensely sad for this child and frustrating/worrying for op.

I read and appreciate what you’ve said. I’m just not sure how I can action anything with regards to it. I cannot have an adult conversation with him about it and despite me wanting more custody I don’t think this would sway anything my way with regards to anyone with power placing her with me more. I’m not sure what to do with the information?

cross post. Yes absolutely frustrated and worried. It is exactly what he’d say.

@Pancakepipsqueak there’s something quite disturbing and sinister about using an innocent child to say inappropriate words for one’s own titillation/entertainment. Words that mean nothing to a child and that only an adult would understand.

For the sake of your daughter I’d find some silly jokes to replace that one that she can tell to other people and they can react appropriately. Even if it means mimicking the “joke” voice. Something like

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!

I’d put it on your social media, make it really public and shame him. Even better if you have any mutual friends left or family associations. Let him explain it to them.

Along the lines of “X has been getting [childs name] to say AIDS randomly. Apparently it’s funny. Can anyone explain why?” and tag absolutely anyone you can that knows him. Extra points if any work colleagues of his.

He’s a knob.

These cartoons definitely trade in shock humour but it's not shocking or crass or whatever for the sake of it. They indulge in a good bit of social & political commentary, and nothing is sacred. It's very effective. The AIDS bits, I think, are very much meant to highlight that AIDS still carries stigma & it's still somewhat taboo to some people. It's those people that these cartoons mock.

You may find you get a lot of this, my daughter comes home randomly parroting something her father has said that is utter crap....i usually pull a face and gently explain what i think....and say daddys being silly. Shes 6 yrs old now. Shes got the flavour of him and isnt a mouthpeice for his immaturity. I personally wouldnt explain what AIDS in detail is at that age and what a shame he has put this word in her vocabulary when shes too young to explain too. If it were me I would just say "not sure what daddy finds that funny, its not, its an illness, no need to repeat it again, silly daddy" thats how id deal personally. Agree with the other poster about telling him to pack it in, what would employer think about it.

Yes sorry, op, I honestly didn’t mean to berate you. Just felt like other pps were getting hung up on the issue of styles of humour, and it was distracting from the actual problem you are faced with.

I don’t know what you can do about his attitude; perhaps nothing. But I guess it is still worth being able to set out clearly why it really does matter, and what it says about the way your ex views his dd — in case you end up in a situation where you need to explain it to somebody else.

I mean, his role is to protect her. She is little more than a baby. What he is doing instead is manipulating her, pranking her almost. The opposite of keeping her safe and protected.

Your ex hasn’t got any wild ideas about becoming a stand up comic has he.

That is the thing that struck me. He cannot explain how that is funny. He cannot make it funny, because it is not. Unless making a baby say inappropriate things is funny. And you have to be pretty fucking twisted to think that.

Show him this thread op.

I wouldn’t do that. Throwing it open to such a broad audience, you could well get people minimising what he’s done as much as supporting it. It wouldn’t help, might make things worse, and either way you would lose the moral high ground.

Taking toxic disputes over poor parenting onto social media is generally a pretty terrible idea.

Can you teach her to say 'my dad is a dickhead'

I'm joking obviously before anyone tells me off 😂

I was honestly tempted to but I think that would be throwing a dynamite stick into an already volatile situation and he probably would just say he didn’t care about anyone on mumsnet’s opinion.

Does he have form for anything else like this? Is he one of those idiots who thinks pranking their kids and putting the videos on socials is a good idea? I’d be keeping an eye on this as it’s borderline abusive - getting a little child to say inappropriate words is horrible and not the work of a kind or loving parent.

Not that I’m aware of. He’s not big on socials so I don’t think he’d do anything like that.

I mean I get her to say silly stuff like “That’s my jam!” When let it go comes on cos I find it cute and funny. I think he is doing that and taking it too far.

The same way any parent in full time employment can do 50:50

In fact it's probably easier given all the holidays and shorter hours

You do you. He needs public shaming.

This is like something from Beavis and Butthead that teenage boys in the 90s would laugh at when high. Why on earth would he say this to a 3yo?!

I agree for the most part - I do like Southpark and particularly American Dad. Personally I still cringe at the AIDS "bits" - they're not for me. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the joke, but don't find those particular bits funny. Either way I'd argue that a three year old wouldn't get the nuance, so it's still inappropriate. And it would sound awful coming from such a little child too, imo. Like how I wouldn't bat an eye at an adult swearing, but would be shocked at a small child exclaiming "Fuck me! I wasn't expecting that!!", for example.

I’m sorry you are dealing with this, op. But your DD is lucky that she has you on her side as a more thoughtful, reflective parent than her dad seems to be.

Maybe he’ll grow up a bit in time 😒

Good AIDS? As in Kitchen Aid? Otherwise, wtf?!