3yo DD keeps saying something really weird

[Pancakepipsqueak]

I have a 3 year old (4 in sept) who I shared 50:50 custody with my ex.
she’s started a weird exchange a few times that goes
“hey mummy, guess what”
”what”
”AIDs” then she’ll giggle.
my response is always “that’s an odd thing to say?” Or something similar. Tonight I texted my ex about it and he said “yeah 😂”
turns out he’s been saying it to her? I’ve said I don’t find it appropriate and wouldn’t want her saying it to the childminder or other children. He called me “moral high ground grand wizard” and attacked me basically.
I will say, he’s a teacher, we’re 33. It just seems like such a juvenile joke that isn’t appropriate and is offensive?
was I BU bringing it up? Am I overreacting and this is hilarious?

Oh god. Must be a rubbish school if they'd employ the likes of him. Poor students.

Same as any other working parent??

How is that remotely funny? Would he do the same thing for cancer? Are there undertones of homophobia as to why he finds AIDs in particular to be a “funny” disease?

Eh? 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

I feel so embarrassed for him. And you. And your poor DD. Agree with gently explaining why it isn’t funny. I mean couldn’t he have stuck with poo or bum or something?

I did basically say to him I wouldn’t find it funny with any other illness or condition so I’m not sure why it’s funny with AIDS. He’s never seemed homophobic; I wouldn’t stand for it one of my best friends is a gay man. I think it’s more teenage boy level immaturity. But it did cross my mind

I don't think I get it? AIDS, as in the terminal illness prevalent in the 80s/90s?

How is saying "AIDS" funny?

i wish. I call her a trumpaloompa when she trumps so she’s started saying that which I do find funny (I mean, i might be immature for laughing at a trump joke but hey ho) but at least it’s not downright offensive?

Yes that AIDS. I cannot give insight further than that.

This is really weird then. I can't fathom it at all.

3 year olds don't know about AIDS, and most won't understand terminal illness. So he must have just taught her the word, and told her it was funny?

Wtf.

No idea why he thinks making a child say something inappropriate and hurtful without their understanding is funny, but if someone called me a "Moral High Ground Grand Wizard" I'd refuse to ever answer to anything else again.

I think he had done this exchange with her like
him “ hey DD guess what”
DD “what”
him “AIDS”
because they way she says it is like his “joke voice” in a similar way?

Ou! New username perhaps!

When she says guess what answer with a nonsense word and giggle with her. Trumpaloompa, biggle boggle, ninja winja etc. Create your own joke and hopefully by the time she gets back to Daddy she will get cross with him for not playing it right.

He’s an immature arsehole.

I teach teenage boys and have had to teach about AIDs a few times. You always get the ones who try to laugh and nudge their mate as in “that will be you because you’re gay” type “banter”. It is homophobic. They have the excuse of youth on their side. I’m not sure what excuse your husband has other than being a complete and utter tosser (not sorry).

Come on OP, wake up. He's obviously doing it to wind you up. There is absoluetly no way that he expected any other reaction from you, especially now with the infected NHS blood scandal in the news. The "joke" literally translates to "it's funny that people die horribly". The reason immature kids might find it funny is that it's a sexually transmitted diasease that mainly kills gay people. Why would anyone want their daughter laughing at that?

Explain to her people died of it and it's cruel. Deter the repetition of it in whatever way you would deter swearing if she suddenly came home saying a rude word.

It's also disturbing because he must know that she'll repeat this at nursery, and you'd rightly get called in. If I were you I'd stay ahead of the problem and tell the nursery what your ex has done so they're alert and know it's not from you.

Sorry, he isn’t your husband. He’s your ex. Thank the Lord!

Thank you for the feedback everyone. I didn’t think I was being unreasonable but he does not like anything I say and is quick to argue despite me really trying to keep the peace (we’ve been separated 2.5 years and he has another child with another woman now so you’d think he could get over it but maybe not.
i also got a new username out of this thread so win win.

This is absolutely what I'd do. Replace it with a different joke that she finds funnier. Shouldn't be too hard, 4 year olds find everything funny!

And yeah, remind ex he's an arsehole. He needs telling loudly and often.

@Pancakepipsqueak or @MoralHighGroundGrandWizard

can you please ask him what makes it 'a joke'
remind him, jokes are supposed to be funny, this is just 'words' it makes no sense?!?!

thank Christ he's your EX, shame you can't make him DDs EX dad.

So the best way I've found to deal with this is to give them a more fun word to say. Like... ahh guess what! I know the most funny word in the world... I do... oh you don't want to know.... oh okay are you ready.. Hallaballoooooo (or insert word of choice). She'll forget your ex's stupid word very quickly.

Also he is absolutely ridiculous for a grown man. I don't imagine this will be the last you see of it unfortunately.

I would also teach her a new “joke” to replace this one. Given that she doesn’t actually find this funny - she doesn’t understand plus it’s not funny - I don’t think it will be hard to replace.

Given she’s 4 I would probably go for

Dd guess what
what?
poo

and see if that works…..

Sorry- cross posted!

He called you Moral high ground grand wizard because you don't find jokes about aids funny? To be honest he sounds more like a wizards sleeve.

Tbh I’d message him a really graphic photo of someone dying of AIDS and say ‘just confirming: you think this is hilarious?’

The whole thing is just so small town 90s teenage boy homophobic, I really don’t know what to say about a grown man in 2024 - and a teacher at that - thinking this is funny.

I’d also be quite tempted to send him this before he completely suffocates on the fumes of his own smugness: https://www.tht.org.uk/news/heterosexual-hiv-diagnoses-overtake-those-gay-men-first-time-decade#:~:text=Heterosexuals%20were%20also%20far%20more,of%20gay%20and%20bisexual%20men.