3yo DD keeps saying something really weird

[Pancakepipsqueak]

I have a 3 year old (4 in sept) who I shared 50:50 custody with my ex.
she’s started a weird exchange a few times that goes
“hey mummy, guess what”
”what”
”AIDs” then she’ll giggle.
my response is always “that’s an odd thing to say?” Or something similar. Tonight I texted my ex about it and he said “yeah 😂”
turns out he’s been saying it to her? I’ve said I don’t find it appropriate and wouldn’t want her saying it to the childminder or other children. He called me “moral high ground grand wizard” and attacked me basically.
I will say, he’s a teacher, we’re 33. It just seems like such a juvenile joke that isn’t appropriate and is offensive?
was I BU bringing it up? Am I overreacting and this is hilarious?

That's a disgusting joke and a teacher should know better. If feeling that way is wrong I don't want to be right. I agree with changing the joke whilst she's with you.

I thought the teachers were there to teach the kids, not the other way around. Who is he getting his jokes from, kids in year 8?

Love the new username! I'd insist that he called me that at all times from now on.

Hate his 'joke', don't get it, and agree that it's cruel. He is using your daughter to wind you up. When my kids were a similar age, I managed to stamp out 'humour' I didn't like by saying, "that's not very funny, is it?" and moving on. In this case, a short explanation of why it isn't funny should suffice. Then ignore it.

I had a similar-ish situation at work recently, although not actually offensive. I work with SEN children. One of them had started sniggering every time he heard the number 69, which made maths lessons interesting. I know full well that he doesn't understand anything about sex or what 69 is considered to mean. I asked him why he was laughing, and he said his dad told him it's funny. I asked why it's funny, and he didn't have a clue. Looks like dad was trying to wind up mum (or us...). Anyway, I told him that it's just a number, and really not that funny. He accepted that. For now!

That's the exact kind of offensive humour you'd have seen in teens trying to be edgy 20 years ago, when he was in high school. The fact that he's still saying it is truly pathetic.

As a parent of a just 14 year old I’d say no, it’s way below most 13 yr olds. Just fucking bizarre and weird

His work wouldn't know about his personal life though

So he's a teacher who thinks it's funny to get his three year old to say Aids? So living up to those teachers standards isn't he?

I disagree with PP's suggestion of explaining what it is to her to get her to stop saying it. That would be unnecessary if he stopped reinforcing it. She doesn't need to know what it is and when she is old enough to understand, it's relevance will be almost entirely historical. I think usual tactics that work well when they come home saying swearwords etc should work -don't react and it loses its impact and she'll probably get out of habit.

My problem is she will got back to her dads on Saturday and he may reinforce it at his?

Is there a good aids?

Maybe it's the same idiot that works at a secondary school I go into for work...he was always making stupid jokes including an unkind one about a pupil.
There's quite afew blokes like that in secondary schools unfortunately.
And getting a 3yo to say it?! That's just so weird....

I know a few of the cartoons (Family Guy and Southpark, probably others), have AIDS "bits". I guess a sort of its-so-not-funny-its-funny type shock joke. Not particularly my cup of tea. Fine for your ex, if that's what he likes. Definitely not fine for a little girl! There's a reason those cartoons are for adults, and you wouldn't get Blippi or Peter Rabbit making that sort of joke.

Perhaps your ex is trying to get a rise from you? I think the idea from a PP about explaining what AIDS is, is a good idea. My 3yo now tells his Dad to wash fruit if HD forgets, or reminds him to use his "indoor" voice. Not that these are comparable! I just mean that 3yo can develop a sense of what's "right", and (seemingly enjoy) correcting adults.

I would be careful about explaining to her what AIDS is because it will potentially be very upsetting and confusing for her to realise that the little joke she has going with daddy is actually vile and sick, as an adult I can't really understand what the fuck he is playing at so I don't think she'll have much of a chance making sense of it. You run the risk of upsetting her, damaging their relationship and really bruising her trust and sense of innocence (nothing wrong with explaining what AIDS is in a normal context obvs but I wouldn't introduce it like this). He's a teacher so I would simply explain to him by text that if he doesn't knock that fucking bullshit on the head right away and explain to his daughter why 'jokes' like that are not funny and wrong, you are going to show his messages to the safeguarding lead at her school and his. And mean it.

And he was dumb enough to admit that in a text? Make sure you back it up, you might need it one day.

I’ve screenshot it. I sent it to some friends to get their opinion on it but no reply hence me posting here.

I can't see how it is a joke at all. I can't see any way of looking at it that seems in the least humorous. I agree with others that it is very weird. Does he interchange the disease? Cancer? Leukemia? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome?

I'd pretend to be a parent and complain to his school saying my child had repeated it. See how funny it is when he has to explain it to his boss.

Oh my goodness why the hell is he teaching her that?

He's absolutely stupid.
I would be absolutely furious

Might do the joke to him with the condition that killed our son at 6 months in replace of AIDS. See how well that goes down?

Were 33 but I think he has seen this so maybe that is the source

Not surprised in the slightest that he’s a teacher. He can call you whatever he likes, he knows you’re right, and that it’s awful. That’s why he’s deflecting.

Yes, that's wizard comment is just soooo juvenile. Has his development stalled as a 15 year old?

BTW the Brass Eye joke is fine, it's mocking media hypocrisy over the reporting of AIDS, that's not what your ex is doing