3yo DD keeps saying something really weird

[Pancakepipsqueak]

I have a 3 year old (4 in sept) who I shared 50:50 custody with my ex.
she’s started a weird exchange a few times that goes
“hey mummy, guess what”
”what”
”AIDs” then she’ll giggle.
my response is always “that’s an odd thing to say?” Or something similar. Tonight I texted my ex about it and he said “yeah 😂”
turns out he’s been saying it to her? I’ve said I don’t find it appropriate and wouldn’t want her saying it to the childminder or other children. He called me “moral high ground grand wizard” and attacked me basically.
I will say, he’s a teacher, we’re 33. It just seems like such a juvenile joke that isn’t appropriate and is offensive?
was I BU bringing it up? Am I overreacting and this is hilarious?

It doesn't even come under juvenile, it's just fucking weird.

I don't think I'd be telling my 3 year old any details about what it means tbh. I think 3 is old enough to be upset and disturbed by the thought of people dying, but not old enough to absorb a full explanation that manages any fear it might cause iyswim. I think I'd keep it simple OP with "don't say that DD it's not a nice word or a funny one to anyone but daddy, and daddy is being very silly" and correct her everytime she says it. Unfortunately your hands are tied with regards to what he allows or encourages on his watch if you cant reason with him as an adult. I wish you luck with it, because this is just the start.

Wildly homophonic of your ex. He wouldn’t think cancer was a joke, but a disease associated with gay people is…

I'd be so tempted to report him to safeguarding. What a vile thing to say, I cannot comprehend how anyone thinks that's a joke, never mind teaching it to a 3 year old. I think it genuinely is a safeguarding issue.

Just bizarre. I don't see how in any shape or form that's a joke. Really strange behaviour.

I agree with PPs, the "joke" doesn't even make sense as a joke. Of course there's nothing funny about AIDS, but if your ex thinks this odd exchange actually constitutes a joke, he clearly doesn't understand humour. I hope he doesn't teach English or any other subject in the humanities.

Also, could I request that you stick to your original username for this thread? It makes it much easier to identify your posts.

I would be as annoyed as you OP. What a complete twat.

For context I am similar age to your husband and this "joke" was said frequently by teenage boys in my class mid noughties. I'm based in NW and was definitely a (moronic) thing then.

Does he mean HIV?

Why on earth is he talking to a young child about this?

He sounds really strange.

Sorry will do.

ironically, English teacher is right. Second in department currently.

I'm so very sorry to hear about your son. That does make this attitude from him even more disgusting.

But that doesn't make it funny.
It's a complete non-sequitur.

Thanks!

I would be very concerned at how well he can actually teach English if he doesn't even understand the concept of humour. I know that's not the subject of the thread, but it's honestly rather troubling. His stunning lack of compassion is worse than his inability to know what a joke is, of course.

I really can’t comment because I don’t find it funny at all. I was just trying to explain how I think my 3 YO learned the word aids.

I thought it was called ''HIV'' these days.

Untreated , it can lead to opportunistic infections killing people- one rarely hears of ''AIDS'' these days, thank goodness.

Testament to better treatments.

However, your ex is a wanker.

It's not remotely funny as you know.

Imagine shouting out ''Tertiary syphilis! hahahahahaha!!''

He's just a fool.

There are many other things that are AIDS apart from the illness. I’d want to know what conversations he was having or if it was a joke about the virus.

The exchange between him and her is simply
“Hey DD guess what”
”what”
”AIDs”
I don’t think he’s actually teaching her what AIDS is or saying the concept of AIDS is funny, purely thinks her saying the word AIDS with no understanding funny.

It's unlikely to be hearing aids.

Is it possible he's done this just to wind you up?
Has he got form?

I mean we don’t have the best relationship but I don’t think he would do this just to wind me up (he does it in so many other ways anyway)

I can see why he's an ex.

As a secondary teacher, the hope is that he is (positively) influencing his students, not the other way around. He should be influencing them, guiding them, shaping them into young people who achieve their full potential. Instead he's allowing himself to be shaped back into a pathetic 13 year old with shit jokes, it would seem.

I think you just need to grey rock him and have as little contact as possible. Clearly he doesn't respect you , isn't capable of adult conversation and is thrilled to have got under your skin. Don't give him the satisfaction again. I like the suggestions from PPs about changing the game with DD so that you replace AIDS with a silly but inoffensive word.

Agree. It’s not the fact that it’s a tasteless joke that’s the problem. It’s that he’s using a child - who has no idea what she’s really saying and doesn’t understand the negative reaction it will get - as the vehicle for it. She doesn’t realise that her dad has set her up to say something offensive/creepy/weird/upsetting. It’s actually quite a cruel and humiliating thing to do to a child.

How do single parent teachers cope? He'll be doing that. Stupid comment.

Most likely the latter. He is so immature, this is the sort of things silly 11 year old boys do and teachers tell them off about, not teachers in their 30s.
Tbh OP, he knows this winds you up, so he will keep doing it. Reinforce in your home that this is not the right thing to say and that there are many other funny words we can say to make people laugh, and just ignore him.

And I thought I had it bad with my DH who still finds toilet humour hilarious in his 40s (tbh I do as well some of the time but he and our son are literally fart and bum obsessed so have to pretend I don't).

It is a shit joke but the point is he is teaching her to say things that she doesn't understand and does not have the understanding or ability to ensure that she does not repeat this inappropriately - she could end up upsetting people inadvertently and it would be his fault .