Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my friend that I’ve heard a rumour that her DH is having an affair?

196 replies

Friendadvicehelp · 16/07/2024 20:24

I have heard through the grapevine (through my nail lady), that there is a woman local to us who has told people that she is having an affair with my friend’s DH. My DH and I have been friends with DF and her DH for 10 years - DF has made it clear to me that she has been going through a bit of a rough patch with her DH but that things have been looking up recently. They have 2 very young DC.

My nail lady doesn’t have any information other than that the OW knows that he has a DW and DC - she also has a boyfriend. The affair has apparently been going on for approx a year but has recently ended due to commitments that mean they are unable to meet up anymore. No idea whether it was just sex or more. She also didn’t tell me the name of the woman - but from what she has told me, I have a pretty good idea of who the OW is. There is no way that this would get back to my friend other than through me.

Should I tell my friend? My heart says to tell her as I would want to know if it was reversed, however I have no concrete proof and my nail lady would definitely not get involved to either find out more information or to speak to my friend. I feel like I’ll end up looking like a trouble causer for mentioning it to my friend without any evidence at all?

Advice welcome!

YES - I should tell her
NO - stay out of it

OP posts:
hopscotcher · 16/07/2024 20:26

I think I'd tell her what the nail lady told you. Let her decide what to do with the information. Tricky one though!

Amazonmulu · 16/07/2024 20:28

What would you want in her shoes? I'd want to know if it was me.

Are you 100% sure nail lady is referring to you DF?

5128gap · 16/07/2024 20:29

No, it's third hand unverified information, why too unsubstantiated to pass on. I'd need to have the proof myself before I'd drop a bomb like that.

Surprisedmystified · 16/07/2024 20:29

Well I agree with pp. You should tell her what you heard and let her decide what to do.
If she really is your friend it would be a betrayal of that friendship to keep her in the dark about it.

Solocup · 16/07/2024 20:29

I’d hate to not be told. Or worse, to find out myself then realise that everyone knew.
You might end up losing your friend though, that seems quite common. Could you tell her in a ‘you don’t believe it yourself but couldn’t not tell her what you’d overheard’ kind of way? You’d have to be prepared for a barrage of questions though.

BrokenWing · 16/07/2024 20:31

The nail lady told you one of her clients is having an affair with Joe Bloggs, Jane Bloggs from 1 Affair Avenue, husband?

And she didn't tell you who the OW was?

Are you sure she has the right people? Or is it one of those places where everyone knows everyone? You need to be 500% sure of confirmed facts before you do anything.

Felch · 16/07/2024 20:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Friendadvicehelp · 16/07/2024 20:31

Amazonmulu · 16/07/2024 20:28

What would you want in her shoes? I'd want to know if it was me.

Are you 100% sure nail lady is referring to you DF?

It’s 100000% my DF. My nail lady didn’t know that I am friends with my friend until I mentioned it half way through her telling me about the OW. In hindsight I shouldn’t have said anything in order to get the full story.

My nail lady doesn’t know the OW - it’s just through friends of friends.

My friend’s DH is well known locally hence the gossip about it.

OP posts:
Velvian · 16/07/2024 20:33

The way these situations usually play out is that you will end up losing your friend and your friend will stay with her cheating DH. What an awful position for you to be in, OP.

Original poster
Friendadvicehelp · 16/07/2024 20:34

BrokenWing · 16/07/2024 20:31

The nail lady told you one of her clients is having an affair with Joe Bloggs, Jane Bloggs from 1 Affair Avenue, husband?

And she didn't tell you who the OW was?

Are you sure she has the right people? Or is it one of those places where everyone knows everyone? You need to be 500% sure of confirmed facts before you do anything.

It’s definitely the right people.

My friend’s DH is a minor celeb hence the gossip.

I’m also pretty sure some part of it is true as my nail lady knew some personal info about my friend and her DH.

OP posts:
MissUltraViolet · 16/07/2024 20:34

This doesn't sound like the most reliable source for information.

I mean, what did OW do, go get her nails done and when asked if she had anything nice planned said "yeah, meeting a man tonight. His name is Dave from down the road, he's married and has a child but my boyfriend has been annoying me lately so fuck it."

I'd be trying to do more digging before I said anything.

Longdueachange · 16/07/2024 20:35

Just tell her what you heard in context, and without opinions, whatifs and possiblies. You are dammed if you do, but imo even more dammed if you don't. Horrible position for you op.

sentfrmmyiphone · 16/07/2024 20:35

oh gosh, on the one hand i would want to be told, espeically if it were coming from a good friend.

but then.. it is 3rd hand information, a friend of a friend etc.. could just be malicious ?

i think i would also want to know why my friend got onto a topic of conversation where my hushand and I were being discussed?

Original poster
Friendadvicehelp · 16/07/2024 20:36

MissUltraViolet · 16/07/2024 20:34

This doesn't sound like the most reliable source for information.

I mean, what did OW do, go get her nails done and when asked if she had anything nice planned said "yeah, meeting a man tonight. His name is Dave from down the road, he's married and has a child but my boyfriend has been annoying me lately so fuck it."

I'd be trying to do more digging before I said anything.

From what I can gather. OW told her friends/work colleagues about it, and one of them told my nail lady.

OP posts:
MissUltraViolet · 16/07/2024 20:36

Ignore my post, read the updates.

You should tell her what you have been told, I would want to know. If it's gossip around town already and she finds out another way it'd be horrid.

Kitkat1523 · 16/07/2024 20:37

I would stay quiet

BrokenWing · 16/07/2024 20:37

For all you know the "OW" or OW friend just shared a little fantasy/lied about about your friends "celeb" DH with the nail lady for something to talk about (there are people who do this), thinking it wouldn't get back to someone who actually knew them.

ThisHazelBee · 16/07/2024 20:37

I swear this was a movie…

MounjaroUser · 16/07/2024 20:38

It's pretty obvious that if someone's having an affair with a minor celebrity she will talk about it with her friends in a way she might not if it was someone else.

I would talk to your friend about it. I would really hate it if my good friend didn't say anything to me.

Original poster
Friendadvicehelp · 16/07/2024 20:38

sentfrmmyiphone · 16/07/2024 20:35

oh gosh, on the one hand i would want to be told, espeically if it were coming from a good friend.

but then.. it is 3rd hand information, a friend of a friend etc.. could just be malicious ?

i think i would also want to know why my friend got onto a topic of conversation where my hushand and I were being discussed?

Without giving any names, my friend and her DH are in the public eye. Hence why people would be discussing this without really knowing them.

It’s not out of the ordinary that they would be being discussed really - my friend wouldn’t think I had been discussing her or anything.

OP posts:
Wineandbackpain · 16/07/2024 20:40

ThisHazelBee · 16/07/2024 20:37

I swear this was a movie…

The Woman, Meg Ryan

sentfrmmyiphone · 16/07/2024 20:40

Friendadvicehelp · 16/07/2024 20:38

Without giving any names, my friend and her DH are in the public eye. Hence why people would be discussing this without really knowing them.

It’s not out of the ordinary that they would be being discussed really - my friend wouldn’t think I had been discussing her or anything.

Show quote history

ah.. a minor celebrity you say? oh lordy, now you've lost me

Original poster
Friendadvicehelp · 16/07/2024 20:40

MissUltraViolet · 16/07/2024 20:36

Ignore my post, read the updates.

You should tell her what you have been told, I would want to know. If it's gossip around town already and she finds out another way it'd be horrid.

Unfortunately there is no way that DF will find out other than through me. Unless the OW decides to tell her, but from what I can gather, OW was very happy with how things were and has no reason to rock the boat and tell my DF.

OP posts:
MounjaroUser · 16/07/2024 20:41

Why has she lost you at the minor celebrity? That could mean anything, really. He's just known to people other than his family and friends.

cheddercherry · 16/07/2024 20:42

Put it this way, if you’re in a small
community (like a village) and if your nail lady knows PEOPLE KNOW. All those colleagues and friends of friends are talking to their nail ladies and so on and it’s probably a matter of time before this gets back to your friend.

Personally I’d want to hear this from a friend, not on the gossip train when I go to my own nail appointment, for example, while people gossip and I then sit there and connect the dots and realise that all that local gossip is about my husband.