To not tell my friend that I’ve heard a rumour that her DH is having an affair?

[Friendadvicehelp]

I have heard through the grapevine (through my nail lady), that there is a woman local to us who has told people that she is having an affair with my friend’s DH. My DH and I have been friends with DF and her DH for 10 years - DF has made it clear to me that she has been going through a bit of a rough patch with her DH but that things have been looking up recently. They have 2 very young DC.

My nail lady doesn’t have any information other than that the OW knows that he has a DW and DC - she also has a boyfriend. The affair has apparently been going on for approx a year but has recently ended due to commitments that mean they are unable to meet up anymore. No idea whether it was just sex or more. She also didn’t tell me the name of the woman - but from what she has told me, I have a pretty good idea of who the OW is. There is no way that this would get back to my friend other than through me.

Should I tell my friend? My heart says to tell her as I would want to know if it was reversed, however I have no concrete proof and my nail lady would definitely not get involved to either find out more information or to speak to my friend. I feel like I’ll end up looking like a trouble causer for mentioning it to my friend without any evidence at all?

Advice welcome!

YES - I should tell her
NO - stay out of it

On the otherhand as another poster describes
"Been on the other side of this. When I discovered my husband had been having an affair, inevitably lots of people had known but hadn’t told me.

Not only was I humiliated and angry, I (we!) had made decisions about financial issues, future plans etc that I would never have agreed to if I’d known. It left me at a disadvantage. Your friend deserves to know the truth. Whether what the nail lady has said is true, is another question."

Before or after she has made crucial decisions she wouldnt have if her friend had forewarned her?

Tell her.
much worse to find out later that you knew & didn’t tell her.

But she can be told they are rumours and where the information came from. She still has the right to know what is being said and how it might impact her family.

If this is being chatted about at the nail salon then I think there's a good chance it'll get back to her at some point. People gossip as the OP has already found out.

If you value your friendship and want to keep it then I personally wouldn’t. I had a 6 year friendship with someone when I heard rumours about their partner they had been with for just over a year which I told her and that was basically the end of the friendship. Learnt my lesson the hard way

It’s just gossip. It’s also supposedly over. I’d say nothing

If you want to do something useful @Friendadvicehelp have a chat about how as a woman you should protect yourself financially from partners who abandon women.

There's enough great advice on here for women who experienced this time and again.

Sorry this happened to you, and I believe it's often the outcome

But, I still think you did the right thing

Not your circus, not your monkeys.........,....

I'd want to know. A good friend would tell her, before she hears of it from the other gossips.

I'd send her an anon letter through the post. It's up to her then to decide what she wants to do.

😱

I think I would tell her what your nail lady was gossiping about. Then it's up to her what she does with that information.
I would want to know if it was me in that situation.

Nope keep quiet she will find out if it’s true but don’t be the one who tells her. Be there to support her when she does. If it’s not true they will both hate you for causing trouble.

Nooooooooo

Nooooooo poison pen is a criminal offence

Oh shit, Really?

How horrible would it be to receive an anonymous letter? And be wondering who it was, amongst your friends / acquaintances who knew your address, or thinking it was malicious? And since it would seem malicious it would be wary fit the DH to spin that.

Horrible idea.

I hope people do not send anonymous letters.

No,keep out of it, it’s rumour/gossip.
if you told her/him it would only be to make yourself feel lighter,and what good would it do?

My very wise Mum always taught me not to repeat gossip. At least 50% of the time it's either wrong or exaggerated.

That sucks. Sorry to hear that. I had this chat with my husband and said if it ever happens, please don’t let me be the last to know. But still the advice given is always to stay out of it. I guess a lot of people stick with their partner and drop the friend. Personally id risk it else I’d feel like a really shitty friend.
sorry you went through that