Family expecting us to pay as we’re ‘high earners’

[Spotlightdeck]

DH and I are in our 30s, child-free, living in the city, earning around 100k each. A while ago, we made the mistake of using a family member (mortgage advisor) to arrange a mortgage, resulting in our salaries being shared around my family.

I’m from a small town with low average earnings and the only one in my immediate family earning this much. Since this info has come out, my family’s behaviour towards us has completely changed. At all family meals/events since, no one puts their hands in their pockets and we are expected to pay the entire bill. Snide remarks are made about how we hid the fact we’re “rolling in it”, and we’ve been guilt tripped about how we should be helping people in the family out who are struggling.

Whilst we do live comfortably, we are far from millionaires. I don’t feel that we are in the position to be supporting family financially, nor should it be expected. It’s getting to the point where spending any time with family is a nightmare as finances are almost always brought up or we’re expected to pay. AIBU in being absolutely sick of this and asking for some advice as to how we handle it?

Find it weird that people think it’s difficult to say no to someone trying to take advantage of you. If you can’t say no then more fool you

I am so sorry :( the mortgage broker should not have shared that info - I wonder if you could report them to the regulatory body as this is a clear breach of GDPR/trust/etc etc etc. i would have words with the family and explain that you worked hard and these are the rewards. Cut contact afterwards, they are unreasonable. Then go and spend your money the way you like it x

As a finance professional, disclosing any personal information is a sackable offense. They need reporting as they are not fit and proper to do the job.

as for your family, avoid any social gatherings where there is a bill to pay. They are all taking the piss. If you want to treat them occasionally fine, to expect it is totally out of order.

@Greenwich123 as a finance professional you'll know the Op has zero evidence to report the man.
And you'll know their are a zillion ways to figure out who is the people in the family with money and who aren't.

Job titles
New address - zoopla will show what was paid for a house.
The cars in the driveway
The latest holiday location
The designer handbags.

I can't believe how many people are putting 2+2 together and getting 5. And how many people so called professionals want to trash the guys careers and reputation with zero evidence.

It's not madness though to expect confidentiality. It is a basic requirement of a finance professionals role

@Needanewname42 And you'll know their are a zillion ways to figure out who is the people in the family with money and who aren't.

The cars in the driveway

What if that person is part of a minority with a functional brain, and only buys small, cheap cars despite having a massive salary?