To ask if this would offend you?

[CobaltQueen]

Telling someone they have a strong accent and asking where they are from. Turns out they have always lived in this area and looked really embarrassed when I asked. Was I rude?

I get asked all the time about my accent and don’t think it’s rude at all. People just making conversation and hoping to do the ‘oh I’ve always wanted to go there or I visited ten years ago’ type conversations.

I think that's quite rude, yes.

I don't normally ask that question, but, a few years back I told a hairdresser that I've been trying to distinguish between the various accents where I now live, but was finding it a bit of a challenge. She replied, "I didn't realise I had an accent.". Certainly put this Londoner in her place

I'm asked where I'm from so much that I've lost count. I don't care and don't think it's a big deal.

Yes its rude... however its also EXTREMELY common.

I get it all the time. I was born and raised 15 minutes away from where I live now but as I have a 'non English' name people constantly ask me.

The weirdest one was a nurse who argued with me that I was lying and definitely wasn't from here, she INSISTED I didn't have a local accent which was utterly batshit. I think she was just wildly racist though, she got fired quite quickly and I didn't report her (although I really should of).

Usually its the asker that gets embarrassed, I have no reason to be embarrassed that they where wrong.

I have this thing, there's a med/psych name for it which I can't remember, where my accent takes on a more or less strong tinge of the person I'm speaking to. It causes amusement at work. Once I put the phone down and a nearby colleague said 'SeeSee, was that person Scottish?'. I sheepishly said 'Yes', and they said 'You sounded just like Kirsty Wark'. I really can't help it. I guess it might annoy someone if they thought I was taking the proverbial. Oh and once we had this very nice young lad on a temp contract but his Scouse accent was so broad that I genuinely couldn't understand what he was saying. I once asked him to repeat what he had said so many times (about four) that he said 'Never mind!' and gave up. I confessed this to my boss and she said 'Nobody here can tell what he says'. He left after a week.

I wouldn't be offended.
When I went to (posher) grammar school from (less posh) primary school, my teacher said I had a strong Essex accent. It didn't bother me at all (I don't think I did particularly, but perhaps stronger than most of the other very middle class pupils).

It gets very tiring when people are continually commenting on one’s accent !
I don’t get offended but it does puzzle me why often people’s first response on meeting me is to comment on my accent and to ask where I am from! It makes feel “ othered” and different. I would be happy to discuss my heritage and background , but would like people to get to know me as a person first!

I can't believe some of the rubbish being spouted on here. Of course it's not rude, people want to be offended by anything nowadays.

Better ways to phrase it. Something like, I love this area, have you always lived here, that sort of thing. You get the same info and don’t offend.

@CobaltQueen

A london accent doesn't have many variations after all

Oh but it does and I don't even live in England and know that.

The way you asked it was most certainly rude. Can’t believe you would even ask t!bh.

The recipient will assume you are judging them negatively (for their country of origin, for being from another part of England, for being poor/wealthy).

Telling her she has a strong accent is definitely rude. You might have said “that’s a lovely accent, I haven’t heard it before”, at the very most.

Accent = background, and people are entitled to keep that private. (Not your business).

Not necessarily. I was born in the north, northern parents, but raised in Essex...I have a more or less southern accent but not 'strong Essex'. DD was born and raised in Lancashire but - presumably thanks to my and DHs different southern accents doesn't have a local accent. (She was most indignant when her short-voweled primary classmates thought she came from London 'but I've never even been there...') . Otoh some of her uni friends can apparently detect she's from the north... no idea how.

Nothing to do with nowadays, I have known that it is rude and that it is a technique used to diminish and belittle other people for well over 50 years.

If you do it, know that your victims see you and judge you.

Naaaaah. No difference between a resident of Sloane Street and a denizen of Catford.😉

you don't get accent from your parents

It depends...If you're not from the area yourself, it's definitely rude.

we just learned it as convergence, it means you're a very empathetic person

I grew up in a part of London. I went to private school. My parents were well spoken...they didn't have London accents. I definitely do! There was a girl in my class. Her parents were from overseas so no British accents....she loved down the road from me. She has the poshest voice I've ever heard 😂. No idea if she puts it on or not but I really don't understand how me and her went to the same school, grew up in the same area and I sound like I could be in EastEnders and she sounds posher than the royals!

I don't think it is rude. If I hear a west country twang or a Northern accent, or a voice that sounds like they have grown up abroad I will ask someone where they are from, it's just expressing an interest in someone - how else do you get to know someone? I only think it crosses into rudeness when it is the "no, I mean where are you really from" territory.

But as alluded to already surely the tone and context of how you are asking establishes whether it is rude or not?

"Where are you from?" can be rude - I've had it used to me as a code for "you must be an immigrant"

My son, late twenties, met somebody socially a few weeks ago with a particular Scots accent. She was staggered but delighted when he recognised it as likely to be from the Western Isles - she was from Uist.

No not all. Don't see what all the fuss is about

@greenpolarbear I used to work (in England) with a Scottish woman. Her husband was also Scottish.
Her kids were English born. I met one of her kids when the kid was about 8 or 9. She had a Scottish accent.
I said I was surprised - I thought she'd have an English one. "Oh she does at school" said my colleague - "She's Scottish at home".
So yes ...you can get your accent from your parents.

I must admit I read that with Queen Elizabeths accent in mind 😁