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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if this would offend you?

247 replies

CobaltQueen · 16/07/2024 15:24

Telling someone they have a strong accent and asking where they are from. Turns out they have always lived in this area and looked really embarrassed when I asked. Was I rude?

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 15:51

My accent wanders a lot. I've gotten better at keeping it stable as I've gotten older, and I'm more comfortable in myself too, but when I was younger I would be very embarrassed by people commenting on it.

OneTC · 16/07/2024 15:51

DeanElderberry · 16/07/2024 15:49

Commenting on someone's accent is shorthand for 'I have no interest in what you are saying because I regard you as a species of entertainer, not as a person who is worth listening to'. That is why it is rude.

Utter shite

protectoroftherealm · 16/07/2024 15:52

No, it wouldn't offend me in the slightest. You've asked a question not shat on their mum.

thisfilmisboring123 · 16/07/2024 15:52

DeanElderberry · 16/07/2024 15:49

Commenting on someone's accent is shorthand for 'I have no interest in what you are saying because I regard you as a species of entertainer, not as a person who is worth listening to'. That is why it is rude.

Pah

What a load of nonsense!

JurassicClark · 16/07/2024 15:53

"You have a strong accent" is rude. "Where are you from," is not.

Eadfrith · 16/07/2024 15:54

I’ve also been asked many times as I have quite a neutral accent and I live in an area where people can have strong accents! Guess what, not offended.

PennyNotWise · 16/07/2024 15:54

Are people on here ok? It’s just something you ask when you’re interested in people 🤷‍♀️

Needmorelego · 16/07/2024 15:54

My hometown (South Midlands) has a kind of combination of 3 accents - depending on where people's grandparents came from originally can make a difference to which one they've got.
My husband has links with another English midlands town - where a huge part population has Scottish accents - even though they were born and bred there.
I wouldn't say it's rude.... it's just conversation.

Thewheelweavesasthewheelwills · 16/07/2024 15:54

I don't think it's rude, I have been asked that question a LOT. It is usually just someone trying to get to know a little bit about me or make conversation while we wait for something

Newhere5 · 16/07/2024 15:55

I would not think it’s rude at all ( I am foreign and I do have a strong accent despite living hire 20 years now)

Mildrewish · 16/07/2024 15:55

What do you mean by strong accent? Maybe her partner has that accent - some people absorb accents more than others.

ClonedSquare · 16/07/2024 15:56

TheCadoganArms · 16/07/2024 15:49

Surely whether it is rude or not depends on the tone and context as to why you are asking?

I work in the oil industry and have spent a lot of time in West Africa, know the geography very well, familiar with the music, food, local politics and history etc and have a pretty good ear for accents. When I have picked up on someone speaking with Cameroonian, Ghanian, Nigerian etc accent be it in a bar, back of a taxi, on the tube, in a restaurant I often ask ‘are you from x’ as I am generally curious. Every time a fun conversation starts as they are at first surprised someone from London can pick up on a local accent then delighted that you know something about their homeland, culture etc.

Some people seem to be looking for offence.

Being able to accurately pinpoint someone's culture because you have a deep first hand knowledge of it and starting an educated discussion about your mutual experiences of that country is not the same as what OP did.

One is recognising common ground and bonding over it, the other is marking someone as an outsider and treating them as a curiosity.

Ihopeithinkiknow · 16/07/2024 15:56

DeanElderberry · 16/07/2024 15:49

Commenting on someone's accent is shorthand for 'I have no interest in what you are saying because I regard you as a species of entertainer, not as a person who is worth listening to'. That is why it is rude.

Jesus fucking Christ lol hope you did some stretches before all of that reaching because you will put your back out lol

thisfilmisboring123 · 16/07/2024 15:57

Ihopeithinkiknow · 16/07/2024 15:56

Jesus fucking Christ lol hope you did some stretches before all of that reaching because you will put your back out lol

Show quote history

😂😂

Wakeywake · 16/07/2024 15:57

"I can't quite place your accent" - not rude.
"You've got a very strong accent" - rude.

Sluj · 16/07/2024 15:57

Maybe next time say " I love your accent, where is it from?", a much nicer approach.

SamW98 · 16/07/2024 15:57

JurassicClark · 16/07/2024 15:53

"You have a strong accent" is rude. "Where are you from," is not.

Agree with this. Its the wording that makes it rude rather than the actual question.

IvyIvyIvy · 16/07/2024 15:58

Telling someone they have a strong accent and asking where they are from is rude.

Just asking someone if they grew up locally isn't rude.

Try a different approach next time.

CactusMactus · 16/07/2024 15:59

It would not offend me... but people are easily offended these days.
"Where are you from?" can be a loaded question...

Allfur · 16/07/2024 15:59

What's wrong with acknowledging strong accents? We've all got strong accent for where we come from

DeanElderberry · 16/07/2024 15:59

Fascinating how pointing out how offensive commenting on people's accents is, brings out massive indignation (expressed very rudely).

IvyIvyIvy · 16/07/2024 15:59

Asking people where they are from is rude. It is basically you saying that you've identified them as a foreigner or 'other'.

Asking someone's heritage isn't rude.

DeanElderberry · 16/07/2024 16:01

'I love your accent' is every bit as rude, with an added edge of offensively patronising superiority. Listen to what the person is saying, not how they are saying it.

thecatneuterer · 16/07/2024 16:01

DeanElderberry · 16/07/2024 15:49

Commenting on someone's accent is shorthand for 'I have no interest in what you are saying because I regard you as a species of entertainer, not as a person who is worth listening to'. That is why it is rude.

Eh? Says who? That's a bit of a leap. I can simultaneously be interested in what someone is saying and the way they are saying it.

LoremIpsumCici · 16/07/2024 16:01

This is a situation where while the curiosity is sometimes well intentioned, it is rude to indulge in it and ask a stranger where they are from because they have a strong accent. The reason is because it is a common not so innocent tactic of xenophobes to make others feel unwelcome here.