To ask if this would offend you?

[CobaltQueen]

Telling someone they have a strong accent and asking where they are from. Turns out they have always lived in this area and looked really embarrassed when I asked. Was I rude?

Have other people mentioned anything about this woman’s accent?

Not to me they haven't but they surely must think it.
It's just really unusual for someone to have an accent so wildly different from where they are born. My question came from a friendly place, obviously no malice intended. I'm sad I embarrassed her but it certainly was not the intention.

It's just really unusual for someone to have an accent so wildly different from where they are born.
It really isn’t. Your accent is influenced by your family not your neighbours

I get this all the time. I am Northern but lived in the South for 30 years. My accent is still very much Northern. I wouldn't be offended if someone said that to me and would use it as a conversation starter as you did.

OP I think it's entirely possible what you're hearing as an accent is actually the effect of a speech impediment or hearing impairment (either now or in childhood). No, you can't assume neither of those apply just because you haven't been told. And children of immigrants born and raised here often have accents influenced as much or more by their parents' as anything else.

Regardless, it seems you've unintentionally created some hurt or discomfort either because of how you asked or because it happens to be a sensitive topic for her. It happens, and whether a bunch of random strangers feel sensitive about their own accents isn't particularly important. If you care about your coworker's feelings and want to try to encourage more of a relationship, look for a private moment you can offer a simple apology. "I think I might have put my foot in my mouth a bit when I asked you about your accent, I'm sorry. I was really just hoping to get to know you a little better." No need for it to be anything dramatic.

"It isn't, but 'Telling someone they have a strong accent and asking where they are from.' is."

I don't agree. I have a tinge to my accent that sounds different to others in the area, despite the fact I was born and raised there. My parents aren't from here and both have strong accents which I guess influenced the way I speak. (Maybe tinge is the wrong word but I mean my accent is a weird mix of the local and my parents accent).
If someone who didn't know me asked, I wouldn't be offended. Why would I? I know my accent is different and I'm not self conscious about it.

Telling someone they have a strong accent would only be rude if having a strong accent was a bad thing, and it's really not. We all have one, it's fine. If my accent is different to the local one then someone asking where I'm from just seems like they're taking an interest/making small talk.

This made me laugh 😆 (and I agree with you)

Rubbish. I grew up with a Welsh accent and my family all have Welsh accents. However as a teenager I deliberately adopted the accent of the area in England that we moved to because I wanted to speak like my school friends. I still have my adopted English accent decades later.

It wouldn't bother me, but it happens to me often.

I'm from a rough northern town and lived here most of my life but people are always telling me I don't sound like it and have an posh accent.

Presumably you didn't say it in a rude tone?
A bit blunt perhaps but I don't think it's rude.

Not rubbish at all in fact you DO have an accent wildly different from where you were born it’s just in your case you pushed yourself to conform with your neighbours and not your family. Not that unusual really though I think it’s a shame you didn’t like how you spoke in the first place.

I was about to type the same comment. I’m genuinely surprised this is seen as rude.

It's only rude if your intentions were malicious. They were not. Don't worry about it.

I ask these kind of questions all the time. I hate small talk. I want to know the real person.

People keep thinking I'm Australian!

Can’t say I’d be offended. Im from Yorkshire, but lived in London for six years in my early 20’s and think I’ve adopted a bit of a southern twang, because I get asked often where I’m from by people I live amongst in Yorksire. Not bothered at all. I kind of like the fact I’ve got this unique mix of accents.

So the people who aren’t offended about being asked about their accents are from backgrounds that are not routinely discriminated against, thought poorly of, or considered other/lesser. So if you have a British accent from somewhere else in the this region, or a European / American / Australian accent this might apply. You might like being asked about your accent.

If your accent implies you are from an brown/black background, a poor background, or have a speech impediment/ learning disability, being asked about your accent is likely to have you wary that about being discriminated against or thought less than.

Either way, saying “you have a strong accent” was not the best way to phrase your interest in someone’s background.

Wow! Are you able to read people’s minds to get that???

I think talking about someone’s accent is showing you’re interested in them….Where you’re from, how you got here etc. But I’m from London and as has been mentioned there’s loads of different accents here and it’s common to ask where you’re from..

This is so true. I was in a lovely little flower shop one day. The attendant had a strong accent. I think it was Lancashire. The issue was that she spoke very quickly. I have an Irish accent. There was a little silence after either of us spoke, in order to decipher what the other had said. We were both laughing by the end of it. It was a very enjoyable encounter. I love accents.

I’m not so sure that people don’t sometimes adopt, or clip accents depending on environment and circumstances. Sometimes to be more clearly understood.

Zoe Jordan is a fashion designer. Irish born and all that, the daughter of two Irish people, with Irish accents (Eddie Jordan from Formula 1 being dad). They had a somewhat peripatetic lifestyle as dad left the bank to break into F1. They settled in England and she went to boarding school at Marlborough College. She said she consciously adopted an English accent to fit in.

She said she consciously adopted an English accent to fit in. I’d say this is key.

I’m from London. My parents were Irish. My accent is very definitely London. Almost every Londoner I know whose parents come from another country or part of the country have London accents.

My experience is that people tend to retain their family accent and morph it with their location accent, but that their family accent returns when they go home. I think few people lose their original accent entirely if they move as adults.

Your title asks one question and your post asks another.

Your title question, it depends on how it is asked and how they respond to the answer if I would be offended. I’m used to the question because I’m from a different country and it throws people when I say where but it is also obvious that I have lived in the UK from some time because they don’t often detect it straight away.

Were you rude? From what you’ve posted, yes.

Saying someone’s accent is strong isn’t particularly a compliment and has different connotations depending on who you are speaking to it.

If you said that to me, I would question it and ask what you mean. If you said what you posted here, I would think you don’t get out much to make such an assumption.

You can be rude regardless of intention. Simply apologise and leave it at that. Don’t use your personal views on what constitutes the area’s accent as an apology.

I ask people if they are from the area originally. In my opinion it’s starting from the position that they are and they can correct me as they see fit.

I work with a lot of people remotely who live in a city with a large population of transplants both from within my country and from outside of it. So it’s a fairly normal question to ask in the chit chat stage of a conversation or work meeting.

The difference is I ask it regardless of accent or ethnicity.

I’m sure some people think I’m an idiot for asking that way when they have an obvious accent but that doesn’t worry me 🙂