Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt my parents have disinherited me?

255 replies

Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:02

They hate my husband and so they’ve cut me out of their will and left everything to my dc.
I know logically it is their choice and it was previously split 25% each between me and my three dc but now they’ve taken me out entirely - even sentimental things like my mum’s jewellery will now go to my dd.
Im so hurt by this. Logically I completely understand it’s their money and their belongings and I don’t want to be grabby but I’ve always been close to my parents and this is really hurtful. DH is my dc’s dad, just to make that clear too.
Aibu?

OP posts:
RocketPanda · 15/07/2024 21:05

What is it that they don't like about your husband?

Manhere2024 · 15/07/2024 21:05

How much are we talking here? Would it have been a life-changing amount?

What in particular has your DH done to so offend them?

Cheek2cheek · 15/07/2024 21:05

Yes that is hurtful. It’s not about the money, it’s what it signifies.

Are you sure it’s about your husband?

Zeeze · 15/07/2024 21:06

Have they are reason to believe your DH is abusive or financially controlling?

Sunnydiary · 15/07/2024 21:06

Tell us more about why they hate your husband…

Bex5490 · 15/07/2024 21:06

I think you should be more hurt by what their disinheriting means rather than what you’re going to lose.

As in it signals a breakdown of a relationship that you value. It’s not the money or stuff that's important. Or it shouldn’t be.

Original poster
Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:07

Yes - it would have been around £250k.
They've never liked DH because they’ve always felt he doesn’t do enough to help me with the house or the kids.

OP posts:
Bex5490 · 15/07/2024 21:07

Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:07

Yes - it would have been around £250k.
They've never liked DH because they’ve always felt he doesn’t do enough to help me with the house or the kids.

So are they worried that he’ll benefit from it?

Original poster
Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:07

No - I’m hurt generally.
It isn’t the money so much as I feel that they are basically saying I don’t matter. I know that isn’t rational but that’s how it feels to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:08

They are worried he will benefit from it or maybe leave me and take half of it.

OP posts:
Manhere2024 · 15/07/2024 21:08

So they have an estate of £1m and will now be leaving £333k to each of your three children, instead of £250k between you and the three DCs?

Bex5490 · 15/07/2024 21:08

Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:07

No - I’m hurt generally.
It isn’t the money so much as I feel that they are basically saying I don’t matter. I know that isn’t rational but that’s how it feels to me.

I think they’re more saying they don’t trust your decision making or him. Not that you don’t matter necessarily. Still hurtful though.

Pigeonqueen · 15/07/2024 21:09

Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:07

Yes - it would have been around £250k.
They've never liked DH because they’ve always felt he doesn’t do enough to help me with the house or the kids.

Well is this true? If so maybe it’s better the money goes to your dc so he doesn’t benefit from it.

Chickenuggetsticks · 15/07/2024 21:09

They don’t trust your husband. It doesn’t sound like they think he’s a good husband or dad really. If they are right I don’t blame them. Honestly the money is going to your kids which takes a weight off you in terms of them buying a home etc. Ultimately your kids will be well secured and that’s something to be happy about.

Hairspray123 · 15/07/2024 21:10

With such little information, it is hard to form a judgement. Your DH could be cheating, alcoholic with a drug and gamberling addiction in which case I dont blame them.

Perhaps they fear if you split he would inherit half of the inheritance. Really unless money is tight wouldnt it go to DC anyway down the line?

MissUltraViolet · 15/07/2024 21:10

I don't think they are saying you don't matter. Sounds like they love you enough that they are concerned you're not being treated properly by your husband.

Are they right? Maybe they are right and you can't see it? Maybe they are completely wrong and what they are doing is awful.

TenderChicken · 15/07/2024 21:10

It is hurtful, unless you've really picked a bad'un. Which, tbf, it sounds like you might have...

NoSquirrels · 15/07/2024 21:11

How do YOU feel about your husband?

And when they told you of their revised will, how did the conversation go? Did you express your hurt feelings?

RocketPanda · 15/07/2024 21:11

Does he look after his children and be active adult in the household?

Merryoldgoat · 15/07/2024 21:12

@Plantbasedpeanuts are their concerns about your husband warranted?

Original poster
Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:13

RocketPanda · 15/07/2024 21:11

Does he look after his children and be active adult in the household?

Not so much - but that is a LOT of men.
He doesn’t cheat, gamble etc and is financially responsible.

OP posts:
Sunnydiary · 15/07/2024 21:13

MissUltraViolet · 15/07/2024 21:10

I don't think they are saying you don't matter. Sounds like they love you enough that they are concerned you're not being treated properly by your husband.

Are they right? Maybe they are right and you can't see it? Maybe they are completely wrong and what they are doing is awful.

This is exactly how it sounds to me.

I am very fond of DS girlfriend. Not at all fond of DD boyfriend. If I had that kind of money to leave and she was married to him, I’d probably leave it to her DC instead.

Sorry, but I think your parents are looking out for you and being sensible. Do they have a point re DH?

Aren’t you just happy that your DC will inherit all that money? It’s not about you at all is it.

Supersimkin7 · 15/07/2024 21:13

Were they good parents to you?

Original poster
Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:15

Supersimkin7 · 15/07/2024 21:13

Were they good parents to you?

They were. But they also disapprove heavily of divorce. I would like to leave DH and they don’t want me to, despite not liking him.
I feel that they have cut me out to make it harder for me to leave him financially even if I waited until they weren’t around anymore. Sorry, that sounds callous but I wouldn’t leave him whilst they are alive as it would upset them and they’d be embarrassed. They believe once you are married you honour your vows.

OP posts:
Jagoda · 15/07/2024 21:15

Plantbasedpeanuts · 15/07/2024 21:13

Not so much - but that is a LOT of men.
He doesn’t cheat, gamble etc and is financially responsible.

Show quote history

Just because your bar of acceptable behaviour is so low, doesn’t mean theirs has to be.

I suspect they are trying to protect their hard earned money from being diverted to someone (DH) they think is shifty. I really don’t think they are BU.