To be hurt my parents have disinherited me?

[Plantbasedpeanuts]

They hate my husband and so they’ve cut me out of their will and left everything to my dc.
I know logically it is their choice and it was previously split 25% each between me and my three dc but now they’ve taken me out entirely - even sentimental things like my mum’s jewellery will now go to my dd.
Im so hurt by this. Logically I completely understand it’s their money and their belongings and I don’t want to be grabby but I’ve always been close to my parents and this is really hurtful. DH is my dc’s dad, just to make that clear too.
Aibu?

Sounds like your DH is a bit of a waster and they don't want him benefiting

It’s a lot of shit single men and that’s why they are single.

And this is a very valid concern. Or if you were to die before your husband, he could inherit 100% of your estate, nothing to your DC. He could then remarry and give that to his new wife. It does hurt but I get where your parents are coming from if they want to ensure it's their GC who benefit.

Urgh. So you’ve got a useless husband and controlling parents. I’m very sorry, OP.

I’d get some therapy, if I were you. Hopefully it’ll help you see that you’re not responsible for saving your parents embarrassment, especially when they don’t want to help you better your lot in life.

Tell them you’re hurt.

Please don't consider your parents feelings in leaving your DH.
It's absolutely none of their business and who cares if they are embarrassed - that's on them.

You get one life, live it for you

If you currently out savings into your dc name, I would stop immediately as they will inherit enough to establish themselves,

Then put any spare money into a separate account your DH cannot touch so you can leave. Or into your pension. If you can save.

are there any other siblings? Who are they relying on in their old age for hospital appointments, life admin, caring duties? You, having disinherited you, or carers or other sibl8mgs,

You shouldn't be hurt, it's their free will.if they would roll in the graves , should you pass before dh and he them inherits it all. Im sure that's understandable

Are there cultural issues at play here? I can’t understand a grown woman living unhappily married just because her parents would disapprove of divorce.

Please don’t let that stop you.

There’s only me. I had a brother who died when I was little.

It seems understandable that they don't want him to benefit at all.

Less so that don't want you to divorce & presumably wouldn't help you even if they could.

They sound horrible and controlling. Have you read 'Toxic Parents'?

so if they know you won't divorce while they are alive, they could be worried that they die, you inherit then 6 months later you divorce and your DH gets half. that is exactly what you (and they) don't want.

if you divorce him now, he can't ever get the inheritance and that is surely better for everyone?

They don't like your DH to the point they have disinherited you but want you to stay married to him because divorce is a dirty word in their world?

Both your husband and your parents sound shitty tbh. If you want to leave your husband then bloody leave him! Doesn't sound like you'll make your parents happy whatever you do so you may as well make sure you are as happy as you can be.

Well I’d limit my contact with them if they think that little of me. See if their GC will look after them in their old age

I can see why you're hurt OP. Take some solace from the fact that their money will go to your children. What else is there to do? It will eat you up otherwise

I presume they realise the tax implications. Here in lreland children can inherit a fair amount tax free but grandchildren inherit very little. They may be throwing their money away. Sounds like they are cruel enough to block your opportunity to have financial freedom to leave. That's shocking!

Basically they’ve worked out you’ll divorce him when they die and he’ll get half your inheritance

Well that's fair enough, surely. If I didn't trust my son in law, I wouldn't want him swanning off into the sunset with half of the money I intended my DD and DGDs to have.

How do you know this, have they told you or have you seen the will?

If the will went missing you’d inherit everything.

I'm sending you a hug, because that's really shitty behaviour from them. No wonder you're upset.

Perhaps they know you’re going to leave him after they’re gone and they don’t want him getting his hands on their money.

So they don't like your husband, know you want to divorce him, won't support you through that because 'vows', but will punish you financially for staying with him? That's bonkers OP.

Fucks sake! Sod them and do what YOU want. Don't resign yourself to a miserable marriage for 2 people who don't care for your happiness or wellbeing.

I don’t think of not cheating or gambling as major pluses, more minimum floor.

Assuming your children are under 18 who are the trustees?

Before I read your post about divorce I was thinking that they perhaps wanted you to leave him but you wouldn't. I completely understand why they have taken you out of their Will, it's because they don't want him to get hold of any of their money, so they've bypassed you and left it directly to their grandchildren which I think is absolutely fine. I've actually done the same with one of my children because of a similar reason, however I would be delighted if they left their partner.

As they seemingly won't be reinstating you into their Will if you divorce, they clearly don't want to protect you, so why do you still care about their opinion and remain with your husband if you want to leave him?