To be hurt my parents have disinherited me?

[Plantbasedpeanuts]

They hate my husband and so they’ve cut me out of their will and left everything to my dc.
I know logically it is their choice and it was previously split 25% each between me and my three dc but now they’ve taken me out entirely - even sentimental things like my mum’s jewellery will now go to my dd.
Im so hurt by this. Logically I completely understand it’s their money and their belongings and I don’t want to be grabby but I’ve always been close to my parents and this is really hurtful. DH is my dc’s dad, just to make that clear too.
Aibu?

Your parents are probably trying to help in their own way, which is not coming across as they mean.

but forget about them you should do what’s best for you. You obviously don’t want to be married to him so leave and get divorced. Forget about their embarrassment that’s not at all important, you being happy is important.

Also if they have already disinherited you because of him there’s no financial loss in the future by you leaving him.

your youngest is 6 you cannot possibly stay in an unhappy marriage until they are an adult. unhappy marriages are also very toxic for the children, I speak from experience.

you are unhappy so just pack your things and go and build a new happy life with your children.

Reduce your contact with these toxic people. There's no need to speak to them every day or see them a few times a week. Cut it way back. Be busy. Stop any help you give them.

Tell them you've given the situation a lot of thought and decided that life is short and you need to start enjoying your life and living for you. Their action has inspired you to divorce your husband and focus on yourself and the children. What they've done is a wake up call to you, to stop caring what other people think and cut out toxicity.

I don’t normally agree with the standard MN view on inheritance, but even I’m stumped by this.

Your DH is/will be independently financially stable.

Your parents have seen that you won’t need to provide for university or a flat deposit for your DC.

So that just leaves you, fending for yourself.

I don’t know why your parents might do this, other than as punishment for a poor choice of spouse. Trying to forbid you from divorcing him, and going out of their way to not make it financially easier for you to do so, feels like ramming that point home. It’s like they’re saying they told you so, now you’ve made your bed you should lie in it and given you didn’t listen to us then you’ll have to suffer the consequences alone. It seems really heartless.

Practically speaking, do you work? You don’t need to provide for your children’s long-term future and your DH is fine - are you able to earn enough to look after just yourself at least, long term? This would be quite besides the point if you’re making millions yourself (although the hurt would remain).

It’s time to step away from your parents control op. You are a strong woman. You can make decisions of your own. You deserve happiness.

Awful, hurtful and heartbreaking.

It's crazy that you won't divorce your husband because of your parents. Surely you already know that.
If I were your parents I'd consider doing the same as they have done. I wouldn't want your DH to benefit from the money and I wouldn't want the money being wasted on a divorce.

If you divorced him they might change the will back to how it was before.

In time they may well come round and support you.

Don't bank on this. People are generally very set in their ways, the more so the older they get.

@Plantbasedpeanuts

From the 'financial security' point of view, I can see why they've done this. It protects your children from having their inheritance taken away from them by your DH. I assume that the money is going to be in some sort of trust until they reach a certain age. And I assume they wouldn't change this if you left your DH.

The thing is now that they've cut you out, in actuality they have freed you to leave him. You've 'lost' all you can lose (their money) so what do you have left to lose? Nothing, unless you think they'd give the children's inheritances to the Dog's Home or something. And since you and DH are married and he is wealthy, as his wife you'd be entitled to a share of that wealth, assuming that it is in his name and not in some sort of family trust.

I think it would be a good idea for you to speak to a good solicitor. Tell them as much as you know about your DH's 'wealth'; where it comes from, how it's titled, etc. Let them advise you as to whether or not you'd be entitled to anything. Certainly you'd be entitled to child maintenance, possibly he'd have to buy you out of the marital home. Depending on what the solicitor advises, you may find that you are able to leave. Perhaps your standard of living wouldn't be as high as it (seemingly) is now, but would that really matter if you were happier without him around?

As far as your parents, my parents were very religious, too. But when I told them I was divorcing and the reasons why, they took my side and supported me. I don't know what the religion is (and I am not asking) but do you think you'd be able to speak to a priest/pastor/imam about your marriage? Perhaps they would agree with you that you'd be better apart.

Your parents don't have to live in a marriage to your DH. They don't get to decide. Most women thrive after ending an unhappy marriage. Your parents would get over it.

It is sensible for your parents to leave money to your children, you should not feel hurt by that. You should feel hurt - and tell them - that they do not support you leaving an inadequate husband. Dont stay in an unhappy marriage for the children, it is a bad example to set. Teach them to value their own happiness.

However - you havent made it clear why you are so unhappy with your husband you need to leave. Can you have marriage counselling with your husband and work on the problems? Maybe if your parents see you've tried to make it work they will be less opposed to you leaving. You dont necessarily have to divorce, you could have a legal separation.

@Plantbasedpeanuts kindly, you need to find a way to live your own life. You are in an j happy marriage and you do not need to stay because your parents say so.

Think about this. They would rather you were unhappy to save their embarrassment.

And would rather remove from you a means of leaving or improving your life.

I think you need to have some counselling so you can see the extent of their control. It’s very hard to come to terms with but this is what it is.

You get one life. Take ownership for it. No one died of embarrassment.

Don't stay in a relationship with a wealthy guy who does nothing for you and whom you don't love any more.

It doesn't matter what your parents think. This is YOUR life and you only get one. If he's slightly less crap than other husbands big wow, he's still crap!

Dump and move on. Take half his money as you're entitled to. But before you tell him make sure you get all the financial info photocopied or screenshotted. Just in case he tries to hide it later.

Maybe your parents will be proud of what you've done after all when they see everyone is happier separate and you're doing ok.

It's not the 1950s any more.

Hang on. You say your husband is much wealthier than you… why is your husband’s wealth not your wealth too? Is he financially abusive?

And you say your parents despise him but have also expressed total distaste at the concept of divorce, and they’ve disinherited you because they hate him, but also to make it harder for you to leave him???

It sounds like you’re being abused, roundly, from all angles.

Are there cultural influences at bay @Plantbasedpeanuts?

Leave the husband and don’t give a fuck what your parents think. They’ve already disinherited you, what else can they do?

Save yourself and your children from what sounds like a bit of a shit show.

The parents sound controlling and callous. Why are posters saying that disinheriting their only child is helpful or sensible?

Husband is wealthy anyway so won't get this money in a divorce - more likely he would have to give OP some of his money.

Children are young and don't need a house deposit etc at the moment. What if they get unsuitable spouses too?

OP is a dutiful daughter who obeys her parents and they clearly have no respect or care for her whatsoever, wanting to chain her to a man they don't even like, just to save face

Can you explain why it's sensible to leave 330,000 to a 6 year old rather than to his mother?

How twisted are they! I'd be helping my DD financially so she CAN leave.
Horrible people.

Talk about having a low bar. I suspect your parents are right.

Edit; read your update and your parents are perhaps not so nice not supporting you in divorcing him.

You want to leave and are staying because of your parents?

They have zero compunctions about keeping you miserable in life, and ensuring your children grow up in a home witnessing your miserable relationship?

Just leave. You cannot live your life for anyone except you and your kids. Your parents will do or feel as they want, but if YOU want out of this marriage, then get out. You matter.

Fuck the parents, fuck the husband and fuck the money. No one not even my parents would be controlling my life like this and using threats of being disinherited to do so.

You just said you wanted to leave your husband. So why on earth would your parents want to give you any money when he will gain from this.

They are worried he will benefit from it or maybe leave me and take half of it.

but I wouldn’t leave him whilst they are alive as it would upset them and they’d be embarrassed. They believe once you are married you honour your vows.

Wow - so your parents are in charge? of you? the adult?

No - they are not, you do not need their permission to leave your husband - if he is an arse and you dont love him any more you will be damaging your dc MORE by staying with him.

Go no contact with your parents, LTB and have a wonderlife

you put this much clearer than I did!!

I don’t bloody blame them then. You’ve chosen to be with a man-child who doesn’t think he has to be a parent. Why should he benefit at all?!

@PyongyangKipperbang Glad I'm not the only one baffled by such batshit logic!

@Plantbasedpeanuts I agree with PyongyangKipperbang stop being on the end of the phone and doing stuff for your parents and when they ask why you aren't simply reply they have made their bed now they need to lie in it because you can be sure they will expect you to be the dutiful daughter and go along with their bullshit, demands and expectations, they can't have it both ways.

Also fuck what they think of divorce you are a grown adult and can do whatever you want their disapproval and beliefs are theirs and their opinions aren't needed. Stop thinking of their reactions and do what you like if they don't like it tough. Its your life not theirs.