To think you don’t ask for a present of this value…

[Ruderequest]

I’m annoyed, possibly irrationally so and need talking down.

DH was stuck for ideas for his grandma’s husband’s birthday (in his 70s, younger than her) and so asked for some present inspiration from her. Today arrives a large bottle of aftershave from the Amazon delivery guy. I searched for it on Amazon and see it’s priced between £70-80.

I’m really cross. They are not that close, we see them maybe twice a year and they are very well off indeed but have never helped us out when we have been struggling in the past. I’d never spend this on a relative’s birthday and if I was going to I would discuss it with DH. We have just fixed at a ridiculously high (5%) mortgage rate and we have a baby on the way soon. We’ve never really needed to watch the cash and as such have never had a present budget but we do need one now as my maternity pay is not going to be great and we’re both trying to save as much as possible, which has been a common understanding for months now.

I’m also annoyed at his grandma for having little concept of cost?

Prepared to be told AIBU but how is best to approach this without conflict? I don’t want to argue, I’m just stressed as to me every penny counts.

She mentioned being pregnant, but did she mention children already existing?

Yes it is.

Thank you; I've already addressed this in pp.

I may be in the minority here, but I’m finding the whole idea of buying birthday gifts for some old bloke you aren’t even related to bloody odd. He’s in his 70s, wealthy and you rarely see him. Surely sending a card would suffice?
Is there an expectation in the family to buy every adult a birthday gift? Because I agree that spending this amount of money on “granny’s husband “ is bonkers.

Is your DH a bit daft or lazy (didn't think to check there was a smaller, cheaper bottle) or you just have very different ideas on what budgeting is?
Cos that's the real issue, not Granny's suggestion.

5% isn't a ridiculously high mortgage rate. It's a very normal rate, but rates have been artificially low for the past 15 years.

I don't personally see £70 as an outrageous amount to spend on a birthday gift. But being a grown up, presumably your husband could have stated his budget when asking for ideas.

Also not entirely clear on why his gran should have helped you financially.

The oldies “you never had it as bad as us” comments are embarrassing. Understand economics and you’ll know it is an awful lot harder for younger generations now to purchase a property than it was in the 70’s/80’s. Literally everyone knows that!

I am not sure this is true. It's true that houses were less expensive then compared to wages but very often the woman's income wasn't recognised when applying for a mortgage or if they were it was at a much lower rate than the mens. And until 1974 it was legal to refuse a woman any type of loan just because they were a woman. When I was growing up I didn't know anyone who owned their own home.
That's not to say I don't think it is hard for young people now, of course it is. I just think pitting the generations of against each other is very unhelpful. We have all had difficult situations to cope with.

Unless the grandmother is aware of your financial situation, why would she not suggest such a gift? Her son asked for an idea, she gave him one