To think you don’t ask for a present of this value…

[Ruderequest]

I’m annoyed, possibly irrationally so and need talking down.

DH was stuck for ideas for his grandma’s husband’s birthday (in his 70s, younger than her) and so asked for some present inspiration from her. Today arrives a large bottle of aftershave from the Amazon delivery guy. I searched for it on Amazon and see it’s priced between £70-80.

I’m really cross. They are not that close, we see them maybe twice a year and they are very well off indeed but have never helped us out when we have been struggling in the past. I’d never spend this on a relative’s birthday and if I was going to I would discuss it with DH. We have just fixed at a ridiculously high (5%) mortgage rate and we have a baby on the way soon. We’ve never really needed to watch the cash and as such have never had a present budget but we do need one now as my maternity pay is not going to be great and we’re both trying to save as much as possible, which has been a common understanding for months now.

I’m also annoyed at his grandma for having little concept of cost?

Prepared to be told AIBU but how is best to approach this without conflict? I don’t want to argue, I’m just stressed as to me every penny counts.

Agree with this.

No. It depends on your finances.

Well obviously it depends on how skint you are.
We aren't so we don't need to.
Some people are in debt for the essentials can you imagine chucking £50 on a gift?

You're being controlling OP. Your dp has bought the gift it's up to him . This may will be why women end up doing all the present buying as they have their SO micromanaging all the time.

@RedHelenB , maybe OP's DC have to go without because of the over-generous gift.

Soooo glad others have already said this post is batshit. How privileged and tiny minded is this poster.

Vanishingly few people bought a house for 250k+ in the 80s. The average cost of a detached house in the mid 80s was less than 60k. I worked as an estate agent in the mid/late 80s in a desirable area where property was relatively expensive, and we opened a bottle of wine in the office the first time we sold a property for 100k - and that was a large detached house.

This. Do it quickly.

Enjoying the drama then?

So you scrolled past the post, saw the responses and decided to go back to stick the boot in?

@StormingNorman Didn't have to scroll far.. just agreeing with others. It's a discussion forum.. 😂

How can they know your financial situation if you are not close and see them only once or twice a year? Not a criticism, just that many people wouldn't know whether friends/family are struggling unless close enough to discuss such things.

But not since the 80's.......

Just because they only knew lower rates personally doesn't negate the average.
Interest rates have been abnormally low....there was always going to be a balancing change.

Can you really not grasp some people might not have £70-80 to spend on a present ?

18.63% of £25,000 isn't £4657.50.

Yes it is

How is a 5% mortgage ridiculously high??

There's a much bigger issue here.

You checked Amazon to see the price - why?

If it was a gold watch or some simar OTT gift, I can maybe sort of understand - but a bottle of aftershave? Why would you even check, what were you hoping for when you did that?

Not if op is accusing them of greed/insensitivity/lack of financial awareness.

Of course; you're right. The missing comma threw me.

Some branded aftershaves, like perfumes, can be really expensive.

Some people (most I think) have to watch their budgets! Which includes gifts for family. This should not be news, really.

This was a bad response, oh how can a £70 gift not be affordable? Please ignore, I don't understand how some people can be so condescending, guess it's how they get their kicks sadly. 🙄 Same here, comfortable, we don't spend that much either on presents. Your DH needs to shop around more and get your input. X

Same!!! I think YABU OP and controlling. If your DP is generally much too spendy with money and you can’t afford the mortgage then that is a larger conversation , but flying off the handle because he once spent a bit too much on his granny’s husband’s birthday present? OTT. Talk to him about it if you like, but this is something you have to decide together, and no reason to be angry about it.

It's a one-time purchase. I would let it go but I would have a discussion about future spending.